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Practical Advice Unwanted in society...

#21
Hey there @Unwanted in society
glad you found us here. Its a good place. Welcome.

how do i feel about a sex offender? For me, it depends on the crime. Its unfair to lump everyone together.
I knew some people with the designation. I know there are some rules that make it nearly illegal to breathe in that area (City/state).
I have a heartbreaking memory of trying to help a dying (so) man get basic care in the last few days of his life. 💔
In all honesty there are some offenders that should not have freedom. There are also some that should have the designation removed. Its a crummy system.

now- onto jobs. Felons have a hard time finding work. I have to say, i have never thought about the so portion. I did a few seaches. My best advice is to search on job boards. type “convicted sex offender” in “jobs”. This worked at the Simplyhired.com job site.

idk about this site, but might be worth a look. :
http://sexoffenderonestopresource.com/jobs-felons-can-have/employment/
as far as employment, I have been utilizing that sight, thankyou for including it though. It’s just that SO is a different type of offense that regardless of what the level is, they pretty much rule you out immediatel.
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#22
My family is emotionally supportive yes. Let me say that I am blessed to be in a state where their pretty much hands off. I’m approaching my 10 th year on the registry. In just over a year I can petition to get removed. I’m just losing hope and energy to make it til that possible end. Everything is about to fall away after all of my hard work to be honest just stay invisible. If things don’t change in the next month... we’ll I’ll be living in my car by middle of January.
as an answer to your other question. I’ve got 30 years in retail and 10+ years in management.
Ten years behaving well I would hope would help you out. Wish you the best on getting off the registry.
 
#23
I guess the point behind this post is that I really don’t feel society as a whole has a place in it anymore for me. there are a lot of kind individuals on here and elsewhere who would allow for change and possible abolishment of SORA. But I don’t see it happening in the next 10 years, possibly ever. So I don’t see any point of continuing to be here. Why stay somewhere, when your not wanted.
 

Thauoy

Well-Known Member
#25
Hi @Unwanted in society . I truly believed you really deserve a second chance. Everybody makes mistake though in a different manner. Please don't give up. Think that someone does care about the hurt you feel. Please keep posted and share your feelings.
Though I am luckily not an offender of some kind, I feel completely alienated from society. I am completely socially awkward. No friends or girlfriend in real life (except one or two friends in SF). This is the reason I am suicidal. I am always humiliated and ill treated by society. So I am depressed and frustrated. That's all. A big hugs to you. See you on SF.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

Back into the wild where I belong. Out of your way
Staff Alumni
SF Supporter
#26
@Unwanted in society the story of finding a job is familiar to me. I am discriminated against or passed over due to being deaf. People just dont want to deal with the extra work communicating. Ive been stuck at a deadend job for many years. Just saying the job part is challenging for others who are just different not just felons.

However when it comes to sex crimes. I am very 50/50 and only see the situation. Not the charge itself. As charges could be fricking stupid like a 19 year old dating a 17 year old and parents filed a charge. Even my cousin was 15 when she got pregnant and her now husband was 17. Gave birth at 16. Parents didnt charge him but if they got mad at him they had every right to. Plenty of people have stupid charges hanging over their heads. I think with more awareness people are nowadays little bit more lax Pre-pandemic but during the pandemic we have no chance in hell being different finding a job as more people are unemployed.

It really depends on how chill managers/company/owner is. Do you have a local job database that hires felons? I know the pandemic is throwing a huge wrench for sure. Hang in there. Keep looking just takes one person to say yeah not a problem here.
 
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#27
I admit this is a tough one for me.

My mom was molested by a cousin when she was 10. He is a pedo and has never been caught or charged, and continued to abuse even his own children. I would charge him in a heartbeat if I could, yet he has been protected by people and I can't get my hands on proof.

My mom was then raped later by a college guy when she was 16. She got pregnant and had to get an abortion. I know other older women who have been raped. Back in the 60s and 70s in the south it was just something that happened to women and they just went on with their lives. Men wouldn't get caught, would even be proud of it. One woman who was raped, the guy took her underwear and tied it to the antenna of his car, drove it around town.

I think from things like that, and the push from women to be heard over time, has caused things to sometimes swing too much the other way. I've heard of people who get child pr0n on a computer via virus and if they don't clean it off fast enough they get charged as an offender. I've heard of parents who didn't like their daughter dating a guy in high school, and said, "as soon as he turns 18 I'm hitting him with rape charges." :/ I've heard of false accusations going through almost without question. It can be used as a power play or manipulation tactic or point of control now.

However, the men that I know, the cousin that I know, in 10 years hasn't changed. In 20, 30 years, didn't change. Still disgusting. I hate that whole side of my family, didn't believe my mother, pushed her out. The incredible thing to me is, even though no abuser ever apologized or was ever caught, my mom could forgive them.

But I haven't known of someone who did the time, admitted the crime, and put in the effort to change. I've never been sexually abused, but I have been abused. Only one abuser ever apologized to me. That did a lot for me to go forward in forgiveness.

I also know, as someone who's gone forward in self-improvement, that I am not the same person I was 10 years ago. I know it's possible to change quite a lot. I know it's possible to conquer addictions, and that it's a daily management.

--------

I also know that we don't get what we want in life. There are consequences to our actions. In my case, I have a lifelong chronic illness. I thought I could ignore everything, normalize everything, live in that stress and enable the abuse forever while acting like these people really loved me. Then my body broke. I had to face my life after that, and get away from the people who were making me miserable. I live in varying degrees of pain every single day of my life. Sometimes I feel like I have the flu, have chronic chest congestion, chronic sinus problems, exhaustion, joint problems, etc. There's no cure. This is my life, every day, for the rest of my life. That's the consequence of my actions.

It gets frustrating sometimes, yet I have no one to blame but myself. I put myself here. I accept that. And I can only do what I can from here.

I am most definitely unwanted. No one gets on Tinder and says, "I want a chronically ill person with complex PTSD who has a past history of abuse and neglect, struggles with nightmares and pain, and doesn't have much energy to do things, and doesn't always look pretty."

I can't get on disability, the gov fights me about what I have. I lived out of my friend's car before, with this chronic illness. Then that friend later on betrayed me and decided he hated me.

What I can say is that you have to decide that you are worth fighting for. For me, having faith got me through. I prayed a lot. That may not be your way of getting through. But you need to find something to hold onto, some inner strength, and grit your teeth and keep going.

The world isn't fair. Life isn't fair. It's not ever going to be fair. Obviously I'm here since I feel suicidal from time to time. It's fine to be here for support, but the strength to keep kicking and screaming has to come from you.
 

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