Very Confused

[claudiuuuu]

Hi again,it's been like 3 years since my last visit here.
Things you need to know
-I have been diagnosed with bi-polar disorder type 2.
-I've managed to go to therapy for about 6 months.
-Almost 3 years since I have started using drugs.
-Thinking of having bpd (my last visit here was mostly about depression and self-harm)

After 4 years all I can say is that nothing got better.
Evolved self-mutilation with drug abuse (benzos,alcohol,weed,halucinogens + some other pills),which only made the mood fluctuations worse,even tough they would temporarily help.
I've seem to become even more socially awkward,tending mostly to isolate myself and then get into depression -_-
I cant work more then 2 months on the same job,feeling like a programmed robot,doing the same thing over and over again...
Now the problem is I'm almost going mad everyday,feeling like living one minute and dying the other. Mood fluctuations kill me,doing drugs slowly kills me but stops the ups and downs. Also I've been in more the 5 relationships for the past year,and all I can say is that one day I would be extremely in love,and the next I wouldn't give a rats ass. For some reason I can't seem to feel love anymore,or any other positive emotions,most of the time I don't even know what I what or how I feel. I'm not giving therapy another change or any of my money...

The thing that really freaks me out is the fact that I seem to have some episodes of ??.
For some reason everything seems to be happening a lot faster and my thoughts go chaotic (sometimes even hearing lots of fast voices),and I can't stop them. This is happening more and more frequently and usually lasts for 15-20 minutes.

What should I do? Therapy again? Stop the drugs? Just relax? I feel like I'm slowly going insane,is this the slow start of schizophrenia?

 

[total eclipse]

What YOU do hun is get back to your pdoc a nd tell him your meds need to be changed ok sounds like some form of mania I am not a professional but if your thoughts are racing and you are starting to hear voices hun you need to have your meds adjusted you need to have your doctor reexamine you ok hugs

 

[liamthomas]

Increase your suppliments of vitamin B dosage, particularly, niacin B3 (50 to 1000 mils under doctors supervision), inositol B8, and B12, along with 2000 mils of asorbate vitamin C. Eat only raw organic foods for 90% of your diet, no processed foods, meats eggs and dairy without steroids and drugs (free range). Eliminate MSG and aspertame-sweetener and all foods that have words you cannot pronounce on the label, get a water-purifier for your drinking water. This will improve you immediately, some of us are hyper sensitive to the poisons put in our foods and water. You are not crazy or depressed, you are poisoned, eliminate the influences. Then the tuff part will be to stop drinking alcohol and get off drugs, however your increased vitamin B will make this easier. Then the hardest part of all will be to destroy and rebuild the negative neural pathways the poisons created that infect your attitude, and recreate positive mental associations with what and who you are as a person. No porn, no horror, no police dramas, and take up a hobby one hour a day (photography, pottery, art, puzzles, build models, try out for commercials) and physical exercise like yoga.

If you are serious, then you can do this!

 

[youRprecious!]

The best natural and herbal pills to help the serotonin balance in your brain - to add to the above list - is 5htp. It really does help put you in a better place, with better sleep.

Don't take too much notice of the voices, they will fade once you believe that you are more powerful than them - meanwhile don't engage with them. Do continue to write here for support and encouragement - others have been or are in the same place and peer support can be a great comfort

 

[Solstadius]

All this what Liamthomas said. I ate only raw organic for 2 months did some exercises every day and stopped doing drugs. I improved myself greatly during that time. It can be hard, especially the drug part but definitely go for it if you can. From what I've read this kind of way have helped a lot of people. I hope it goes for you too.

 

[claudiuuuu]

Thank you for your support. But firsly I AM NOT addicted to drugs,I had and still have periods (2weeks-1month) in wich I do not use drugs,even if I start feeling like ultimate shit.
I eat regulary and natural good food,never eat any fastfood or things like this. Mostly the way I feel is not influenced by anything,it just happens randomly,thats the real problem. I dont feel depressed for a reason,it just happens...generaly there are perios when I do fine and am very happy,but this doesn't last more than 2 days and it rarely happens.