Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

I so down today that the immense pressure has got to me. Having nearly taken my life, I have decided that the third-party needs to compensated for the hurt I caused. I know that my haters may think it's stupid but it's shows that I do really care about this person who really hates me no doubt which really understand. I imagine myself in the third-party's shoes and I would feel the same way.

I hope when the third party reads this, they realise who much they have affected me for the twenty years. I will open up a savings book and start to save for the hurt caused by me but I would never betray this person. I think a five figure amount of money will be compensation. I have a figure in mind but I don't want to say what figure.

Life is about caring and sharing happiness in life. Thank you for reading and take care folks as YOU ARE MY LIGHT WHILST I LIVE IN. DARKNESS FOR THE REST OF ENTERNITY.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, I am sad as I gave the old man and dogs one food for the animal. I got the dog found cheap. I wonder all through this earth all alone. The medication has helped this week but it seems that I will need this medication for a long time and if it keeps me from doing something then I consider that to be a good thing.

I had to make a decision where I cannot spend time at someone's special occasion. I had to tell them personally that I could their occasion as it mean breaking my agreement with the third party. I am saddened by this decision but I made my decision and decided to isolate myself from society for the rest of day and future events. It saddens that I cannot see any future happiness for the next twenty years but I am committed to keep this impossible promise. I do this impossible promise to protect two precious things I care about in life. They precious things will one day understand my reasoning when they come to read this passage. I do the impossible promise to protect them (hint: kissle whistle) from hurt or affecting any happiness in the bear future. Having to live on the brink of death everyday, I get to understand why people think the final commitment. I have already being judged by my haters and so be it then.

My story continues.......

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, I stayed quiet but shouted at twice. My behaviour was analysed again by others but I stood my ground and defended myself. The constant analysing was not nice but as soon as I got back home. I crashed with servere depression and just went to sleep. I am so down everyday not knowing whether under this immense pressure I can survive another day.

Helping here, helps me to survive another as its my only purpose in life. Just remember if I can survive, so can YOU.

My story continues..........

 

[Brian777]

Today, I stayed quiet but shouted at twice. My behaviour was analysed again by others but I stood my ground and defended myself. The constant analysing was not nice but as soon as I got back home. I crashed with servere depression and just went to sleep. I am so down everyday not knowing whether under this immense pressure I can survive another day.

Helping here, helps me to survive another as its my only purpose in life. Just remember if I can survive, so can YOU.

My story continues..........

Please hang in there my friend,my you are caring person and we need people who care in this world. Hope you feel better.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

Please hang in there my friend,my you are caring person and we need people who care in this world. Hope you feel better.
Brian

You do not realise how much that means Brian. You continued support ensures that I survive another day. I will try my best but I survive on a day by day basis. Thank you so much. I will try my best but sometimes you have when get really down, sometimes you have to admit defeat. But some how this forum keeps me going for my purpose in living life for another day. The spirit of human kindness is great help for me whilst I walk in darkness for the rest of my life which I deserve for hurting someine's who really trusted me. I deserve to suffer but if it means for the rest of my life then so be it. I feel like sometimes I am walking on glass and not egg shells. Each step I take forward, I feel the hurt I caused. I know my passage is getting very repetitive but that's the OCD which I recently diagnosed with.

Writing my feelings and experience down each day shows me and I hope to others that you can overcome any situation and it does not require anyone having to resort to the final commitment. The medication has kicked and no more erratic behaviour but constant harassment which I can cope with. Everyone sees me suffering but dare not get involved my day to day events. It's up to me to suffer alone and deal with in a non-aggressive and calm manner. I will not act upon anything as the people who criticise me having a living to make and some have dependants to support financially.

I believe in karma, what goes around and I have truly suffering karma everyday. I hope when others see this, they realise I suffered everyday from tormentors who are determined to destroy me. Well that's the perception I am getting.

I hope they realise their part in me suffering mentally everyday and I bear no malice. I hope the others who watch these folk who torment me, remind them of what they did to me. That will be fine and I hope they realise that life is not about holding plans for revenge or grudges. I have learnt the hard way, that holding grudges is no way to live life but tolerance. If you have tolerance, then you can get on with people from all walks of life whether they like you or not.

At the end of the day, humans must learn to live in harmony and compassion and not this theory of "an eye for eye" culture which I can see everyday of my life. I just want to start a chain reaction of helping one another. Just like the old coca-cola 70s advert where we see all people lined up and holding hands together. I think the line goes like. " I like to see the whole world to live in harmony.......".

My story continues........ Until the next time please learn that's LIFE IS IMPORTANT.

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, I cannot see a purpose in living except for the physical and mental strain. I feel like contacting the third-party just to say sorry but I won't as I would cause uneccsaary hurt. I will do the impossible promise instead as to show I have endure the pain of the hurt I caused. Whilst I hold on to this mountain of life by three fingers, I will try my best to live another day. Each day I live is hard but I am determined to break the mental and physical barrier in order to complete the impossible promise.

I feel the kni$Es of my haters twisting in my back wishing I was dead and not alone. I am in total agreement with my haters that I should be dead and be burning in hell. I hope when my death comes, that people remember me for what I am doing now and let the past be the past. I feel the hurt everyday and so be it but I am driven by determination to complete the impossible promise. I made a life time commitment and I will do it to show others that LIFE IS IMPORTANT.

My story continues.............

 

[Brian777]

Today, I cannot see a purpose in living except for the physical and mental strain. I feel like contacting the third-party just to say sorry but I won't as I would cause uneccsaary hurt. I will do the impossible promise instead as to show I have endure the pain of the hurt I caused. Whilst I hold on to this mountain of life by three fingers, I will try my best to live another day. Each day I live is hard but I am determined to break the mental and physical barrier in order to complete the impossible promise.

I feel the kni$Es of my haters twisting in my back wishing I was dead and not alone. I am in total agreement with my haters that I should be dead and be burning in hell. I hope when my death comes, that people remember me for what I am doing now and let the past be the past. I feel the hurt everyday and so be it but I am driven by determination to complete the impossible promise. I made a life time commitment and I will do it to show others that LIFE IS IMPORTANT.

My story continues.............

Hey my friend, you're having a rough time of it, if it would help to talk with someone, please pm me.....you sound like you're really struggling these past few days. Im concerned.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

Hey my friend, you're having a rough time of it, if it would help to talk with someone, please pm me.....you sound like you're really struggling these past few days. Im concerned.
Brian

Brian the continued support is keeping me going. Yes, I get down but I will live on a day by day basis as I have done the past two years. I believe in karma as I am suffering my karma at the expense of hurting a fellow human being.

The mental cruelty I suffer at the hands of others is nothing but just like rain drops on a window pane. I am driven by sheer determination to protect others at the expense of my life. Also, I want to prove to the third party the pain I suffered and still suffer today or tomorrow shows the care I have. I would never betray anyone's trust and I may I continue to suffer.

To my haters, your hate drives me to succeed each day and do the impossible promise and I will succeed. If I don't them at least others will know I endure pain everyday as I write here to record my feelings each day.

My story continues........

 

[Brian777]

Brian the continued support is keeping me going. Yes, I get down but I will live on a day by day basis as I have done the past two years. I believe in karma as I am suffering my karma at the expense of hurting a fellow human being.

The mental cruelty I suffer at the hands of others is nothing but just like rain drops on a window pane. I am driven by sheer determination to protect others at the expense of my life. Also, I want to prove to the third party the pain I suffered and still suffer today or tomorrow shows the care I have. I would never betray anyone's trust and I may I continue to suffer.

To my haters, your hate drives me to succeed each day and do the impossible promise and I will succeed. If I don't them at least others will know I endure pain everyday as I write here to record my feelings each day.

My story continues........

My friend, please don't think I was prying. You're a good and kind person and I hope karma starts to repay you for the kindness you've shown to the hungry and homeless. I was just concerned and wanted you to know that I am here for you. I see you as good person, regardless of what happened in your past, I consider you a friend. Take care
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

My friend, please don't think I was prying. You're a good and kind person and I hope karma starts to repay you for the kindness you've shown to the hungry and homeless. I was just concerned and wanted you to know that I am here for you. I see you as good person, regardless of what happened in your past, I consider you a friend. Take care
Brian

Brian. My karma is the darkness I face everyday but if I don't see the light, I want to leave a legacy on this site for others to know that life is important whatever you face with. Never and I mean never give upon life.

My struggle and story continues....

 

[Unknown_111]

I am determined to live through sheer determination as my haters are applying immense pressure with the constant behaviour analysis. The hate displayed are like kni$ves in my back but I survive with sheer determination. I sit quietly ignoring the constant criticism and observation. If I survive another day, then I can survive twenty years of hate. The level of hate (perhaps I am exggaerating) drives to live another day, night, month and year. Your folk are my light and let me be the reason for folk to remain alive. I feel your pain whilst I live a life of darkness everyday.

LET ME BE THE REASON FOR YOU FOLK TO LIVE LIFE. I SUFFER AT THE HANDS OF OTHERS BUT IF I CAN SURVIVE SO CAN YOU. LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING AND LET NO ONE ELSE SAY DIFFERENT.

My story continues........

 

[Unknown_111]

Today, was a tough day. One of my tormentors decided to hit a raw nerve. I verbally lashed as the remark was said out of context. It was aimed at me and my remarks showed this person's true hate of me.

The person under false pretences tries to be a friend but really be honest and show their pure hate for me. I was told to "duck off" by this person but the rest of time I remained calm and went about my usual activity. This person clearly stated that I was "nuts" and needed more medication. I stated perhaps I did but that could not judge as they were not medically qualified.

The rest of time I kept busy rather sitting there using my smart phones and laughing. One of my tormentors informed me that I cannot use my phone during certain hours. I abide by these rules in order to keep the peace. This tormentor has a so called "hate list" of which I am at the top. I hope when others read this I suffer everyday a barbaric level of emotional abuse which no other person would tolerate. This person holds grudges which life is not about. Life is about being tolerant of others and forgiving people.

I don't expect my haters to understand or do I want sympathy. I record my experience so others realise my life is no "bed of roses" but I suffer everyday.

 

[seadra]

I have had similar experiences and while your tournamenters may not give you sympathy I sure do. You can't let them get you down and I know that's hard sometimes. If they hurt you, don't trust them. They don't have the brains to know what they are doing is wrong so why should you listen?

 

[Unknown_111]

I have had similar experiences and while your tournamenters may not give you sympathy I sure do. You can't let them get you down and I know that's hard sometimes. If they hurt you, don't trust them. They don't have the brains to know what they are doing is wrong so why should you listen?

Thank for you being understanding. I suffer everyday and duly deserve so as I hurt a fellow human being. I know I suffer everyday but all my haters need to realise I still suffer mentally and physically. Whilst I dice between life and death everyday but I am driven by determination to live another day.

I hope when my eventful death comes in a natural process or even a violent one that people understand I suffered everyday as I have recorded for others to read here. If I have a saved one person's life by stopping them doing the final commitment then my life has served a purpose.

I write everyday to record my experience and to inspire others that the BEST OPTION TO IS LIFE. My karma is my darkness as I walk in my own shadow everyday. The following is just a funny line and nothing should be read into it. I bet even my I am even scared of my shadow.

I might live life everyday but the mental suffering is horrible but I am determined to live each day. I hope my post persuades others that LIFE IS IMPORTANT.

I want to be inspiration to others whilst I suffer everyday.

My story continues..............

 

[Unknown_111]

As I write this, I crashed severely as the one who torments me everyday decided to punish me by picking on my mental vunberability like they have done over the past twenty years making me suffer from low self-esteem issues. How much more pressure can one take from tormenter who wants me to suffer everyday. The emotional abuse is so severe that I wanted to end it but I won't because I will survive another day.

The snarl from this tormentor reminded me of the "Alien" character out of "Aliens" snarling as they about to eat me alive. I made a promise to another person not to do anything to this tormentor but they continue to tormenting me as a form of punishment and they find pleasure in it. I bear no malice towards this person and all I want to do is them to stop causing me the unnecessary mental anguish everyday. However, if it gives them pleasure in mentally tormenting me and wish me to die. I hope this passage is their "karma". I don't hold grudges against people like this tormentor does and I hope others who point this out when read this.

I suffered mental cruelty at the hands of one individual and tried and tried to simply tell them to stop but they refuse to. I hope this tormentor reads this passage and is made to realise their errors. I hope the finger is pointed at this individual and is made to realise who they with their conspirators made me suffer to the point where I cried everyday and had to call helplines just to calm done stop myself from doing something stupid. It's like I am back to square one like I was in October 2014 when I clearly remember this individual stating "we will get all the used tyres and put it around you to burn you" and that still hurts to this day. It was said with hatred and not as a joke. I know I did wrong but I did do the promise under extreme duress, left messages to apologise to the third party who I state again today I never betray as repeated all the time.

My life might be a battle but everyday where this tormentor likes to make me suffer everyday for the past two years. I have always been bullied all my life but like they say never give into your bullies. Bullies are weak and feeble because they have suffered at the hands of others. I endure all this misery to look after the most two precious things in my life. I put on a brave face as I feel from my heart that my days of living are coming to end. I just hope I leave a legacy here that inspires others to choose life as the ultimate option and not the final commitment.

I hope and I cannot pray as I have lost my soul that passage continues another day. I hope tormentor who is proud to "troll" the rich and famous to made to suffer in the public eye.

All I hope when my final day comes, I am forgiven by the third party for the hurt I caused and I hope they realise I suffered everyday at the hands of others which I deserve.

PLEASE FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, PLEASE LET ME BE THE STRENGTH FOR YOUR FOLK TO LIVE AND LET ME FEEL YOU PAIN AS I DO THE IMPOSSIBLE PROMISE. I WANT TO TAKE YOUR PAIN AS WELL AS MINE AND HOPE YOU CHOOSE LIFE WHILST I SUFFER DARKNESS FOR A VERY LONG TIME.

I hope my story continues......................

 

[Brian777]

My brother, if this tormentor is on your job site, this person is guilty of harassment. You shouldn't have to put up with this at work....no matter what the situation. It angers me that they are doing this. In my eyes, you are good and caring person, no matter what you've done in the past, I see the person you are today. Take care my friend.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

My brother, if this tormentor is on your job site, this person is guilty of harassment. You shouldn't have to put up with this at work....no matter what the situation. It angers me that they are doing this. In my eyes, you are good and caring person, no matter what you've done in the past, I see the person you are today. Take care my friend.
Brian

Thank you for your words. I know my fate but what will be will be. The pain I have endured at the hands of this tormentor will be my doing as I struggle with my life for on a day by day basis. I could do the final commitment anytime but I choose life until my mental and physical state will crumble.

I hope I am forgiven but it's highly unlikely as all I can do the is the final commitment. Whilst I cling on to life by three finger on this mountain, I have fought hard everyday of life since July 2014 at the hands of this tormentor. I am a very much a naive person but I have come to terms that this could be my last post.

I think that I have lost the battle today as this torementor enjoys being a pathological bully. I might struggle everyday trying to live a life but I tried and tried. I want to live in a quiet way but this person wishes me d&&d no doubt and that will happen.

Life is about forgiveness and being tolerant. As I have lost self- respect, soul and am hell-bound, I will not give up my life. I battled everyday but sometimes I have lost the will to live. I just wanted to protect the two precious things in my life but If my I can't then at least I tried my best.

Who knows what will become of me but at I did not betray the third party and I hope I am forgiven which not likely. Too my tormentors and haters, I hope you realise what I went through but just think.
I kept my word as I completed the promise and NEVER TOOK ANY REVENGE.

TO THE HATERS, I HOPE YOU GOT PLEASURE IN MAKING SUFFER AND CONTINUE TO LAUGH AT MY DEMISE. I HOPE THE PUBLIC WILL READ MY STORY AND REALISE I SUFFERED EVERYDAY SINCE 2014 AT THE HANDS OF TORMENTORS. EVERY WORD WRITTEN HERE IS FROM THE HEART AND TRUE.

I hope my story continues for at least one more day..................

PLEASE LEARN FROM MY PASSAGE THAT LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND NEVER LET OTHERS CONTROL YOU DESTINY. LIVE YOUR LIFE AND FOLLOW YOUR INSPIRATIONS AND DREAMS.......

 

[Unknown_111]

I survived the night and next 24 hours are the most crucial hours of my life. I will remain calm and continue to function in a peaceful manner in front of this tormentor. This tormentor likes to ridicule others to the point of torment but when they are on the receiving it's not acceptable.

I think everyone here would agree with the following statement of "If cannot take joke, don't give it." This tormentor cannot take any jokes about themselves but decides to slaughter me instead as a form of sadistic pleasure. My karma will be there for a lifetime but I bear no malice against anyone. I be considered as scum or a vile person but I am trying correct my scorecard as fast as I can but I think the times of sand have run out.

I hope to be back later on and hopefully..!!!

My story continues..........

IF ANYONE IS READING THIS, THEN PLEASE FROM THE BOTTOM OF HEART. I BEG YOU CHOOSE LIFE..... LIFE IS IMPORTANT AND THAT ALSO MEANS YOU.

PLEASE DO NOT LET OTHERS OR ANY SITUATION MAKE YOU SUFFER BUT PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE..........

 

[Unknown_111]

Today could be my last day.

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAVE SUPPORTED ME IN THE PAST TWO AND HALF YEARS. I HOPE THAT I HAVE BEEN A INSPIRATION TO OTHERS TO CHOOSE LIFE. I SUFFERED EVERYDAY AND TRIED MY BEST TO HELP OTHERS IN LIFE.

I BEAR NO MALICE TO OTHERS WHO HATE ME. I HOPE YOU CAN LIVE YOUR LIFE KNOWING WHAT PLEASURE YOU GOT IN MAKING ME SUFFER. I MIGHT LIVE IN DARKNESS FOR THE REST OF LIFE. I WILL NEVER RECIEVE ANY FORGIVENESS AND RIGHTLY SO. I HOPE MY JOURNEY ON SITE INSPIRES OTHERS TO CHOOSE LIFE.

I HOPE THAT NO ONE SUFFERS THE SAME LEVEL OF MENTAL AND PHYSICAL ABUSE LIKE I HAVE OVER THE PAST TWO AND HALF YEARS....

I WILL END THIS PASSAGE WITH TWO LINES.

PROMISES ARE KEPT AND NEVER BROKEN......

MY STORY WILL. CONTINUE................

 

[seadra]

My friend, I don't know if it's possible for stories to be so similar yet lack connection. And yet, sometimes the victims of those stories can provide some of the best support possible. I have read all your posts and see you suffering. It makes me mad that this is happening.
I don't know how else to say this, but thank you for sharing your story. In a way, by doing so, you have given support to people you don't know, such as myself. Remember that