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Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.
- Thread starter Unknown_111
- Start date
Thank you so much for your reply. The support you folk give inspire me to live another day. My story will continue, I make that promise as I struggle everyday with depression whilst trying to live a "normal" day. You folk are my light even though I live in darkness everyday which I deserve.
I will continue to help others and try to inspire them to choose LIFE and not the final commitment. LIFE is important and nothing else matters. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
I will continue to help others and try to inspire them to choose LIFE and not the final commitment. LIFE is important and nothing else matters. Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
Brian, I am still here and your continued support helps to choose life. I might live in darkness but I will survive another day. You really HELP ME and you support makes me chose life. Whilst I suffer on a day by day basis and live in darkness I want to inspire others here chose LIFE.
Brian, my story will continue......
Brian, my story will continue......
Yesterday, I was dreading the day but I remained calm and quiet. The day passed as I quietly. I kept focused just hoping the clock would wind round quick but the day dragged on. I mentally tired and just crashed to sleep after eating some food. I ensured one of most precious things in life was fine and it made me know the suffering I endure is worth choosing life. I hope my struggle continues and like I say inspire others to choose life.
I meant to having a busy weekend but I have decided to not socialise but help others here and the homeless. It's my sole purpose in life everyday but I will help others as much as I can.
I promise my story will continue........
I meant to having a busy weekend but I have decided to not socialise but help others here and the homeless. It's my sole purpose in life everyday but I will help others as much as I can.
I promise my story will continue........
Today has been a tough day as the OCD is prevalent today because I trying to keep busy with life. I did open a savings account with sole purpose of saving the compensation I must give to the third party. I saved about $268 dollars. Its a start but what choice do I have in life whilst I dice between the final commitment and live. I choose life but I have to keep myself going for a long time trying to achieve the impossible promise. I care for anyone and everyone but my life us in tatters as I feel like grim reaper will come knocking at my door to take me into the afterlife where I will burn in enternity and rightly so is the opinion of my haters.
I trying so quick to correct what I did wrong as I know it's the right thing to do is to redeem my soul before I go from this world. I want people to know and read that I did care enough that I will for go any happiness that I expected for the next twenty years. In life, we all make mistakes and regrets but this third party has totally left me in a reckless state but all I want to do is to say sorry somehow.
The only way to this to write and express my sorrow. The sorrow I feel everyday is damful that I don't want to cause anyone grief or sadness. Yes, we all feel sadness in our lives when we loose a close friend or family member but at the same time we must try to happy in ourselves as well as make others happy as well.
Like they say, "Happy in the heart, happy in the mind". In my case it's the reverse. "Saddness in my heart, sadness in my mind". This shows how down I get and how others can easily can take advantage of my kindness. I'm a simple person who tries to keep everyone happy but I am no longer like that. I want to become an introvert than an extrovert. I no longer mix with others but shy away from any social scences.
I wander from street to street , state to state souless deciding where my life is going. I cannot plan for anything but just live on a day by day basis. Heh, if that's how I have to live, then fair enough but I never meant cause hurt but I did really care as I have said on countless times in my posts in the past and no doubts will in the future.
I hope one day I can be forgiven but I will continue to help others here and try to persuade them from my own experience that LIFE is the BEST CHOICE and NOT the final commitment.
Thank you reading my passage and I hope it gives some comfort that you are not alone in hurting or being scared about life. It's very simple, PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE AND NOTHING ELSE.
My story continues............
I trying so quick to correct what I did wrong as I know it's the right thing to do is to redeem my soul before I go from this world. I want people to know and read that I did care enough that I will for go any happiness that I expected for the next twenty years. In life, we all make mistakes and regrets but this third party has totally left me in a reckless state but all I want to do is to say sorry somehow.
The only way to this to write and express my sorrow. The sorrow I feel everyday is damful that I don't want to cause anyone grief or sadness. Yes, we all feel sadness in our lives when we loose a close friend or family member but at the same time we must try to happy in ourselves as well as make others happy as well.
Like they say, "Happy in the heart, happy in the mind". In my case it's the reverse. "Saddness in my heart, sadness in my mind". This shows how down I get and how others can easily can take advantage of my kindness. I'm a simple person who tries to keep everyone happy but I am no longer like that. I want to become an introvert than an extrovert. I no longer mix with others but shy away from any social scences.
I wander from street to street , state to state souless deciding where my life is going. I cannot plan for anything but just live on a day by day basis. Heh, if that's how I have to live, then fair enough but I never meant cause hurt but I did really care as I have said on countless times in my posts in the past and no doubts will in the future.
I hope one day I can be forgiven but I will continue to help others here and try to persuade them from my own experience that LIFE is the BEST CHOICE and NOT the final commitment.
Thank you reading my passage and I hope it gives some comfort that you are not alone in hurting or being scared about life. It's very simple, PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE AND NOTHING ELSE.
My story continues............
@unkown_111,you have done nothing wrong. In the past few days I have read many of you posts and feel that what you say is so compassionate and caring. When I first started posting here, all I did was school,homework and nothing else. I played on my pic but alone just to escape.Yet, when I come here, I realize how much support victims get. The people who pain us, whether real or just an unknown void. PLEASE keep posting here, it helps us all immensely. I don't know if sound crazy but, maybe reaching out to help other is what you really need to do. You are great at it. Have a nice day.
Unknown, I am sorry you are in so much pain and have been in pain for so long. No one deserves that. If the world was fair this forum would not exist. There would be no need for. I hope you will concentrate on all the good you do. Here and on the streets. All the lives you have touched and made better. As to forgiveness, some people just seem incapable of it. I hope you find a way to accept that in this '3rd party' and ease the torment it has brought to your life. And it seems we find it hardest to forgive ourselves. I know I sure do. Please try not to be hard on yourself about what was done in the past. I will risk a brief line on my faith, Christianity. God does not expect perfection, as we are incapable of it. Please do not expect it of yourself.
Thank you for the kind words. I will stick around here as long as I can. The continued supports helps me to survive the mental pain I endure at the hands of others. In my heart, I know I don't deserve such support but it helps me knowing that others understand my pain I feel everyday. I hope others forgiven but I don't think so.
I will try my best to keep the story going by helping others here as it gives some hope on a day by day basis. Thank you the continued support, I really appreciate it as It making weep tears of hurt I feel for myself and more for the third party involved. Some how I will find the strength to survive but I keep questioning myself where do I find this strength to keep going on. And also how long do I think I can keep going on like this as I endure such guilt and emotional abuse.
I will try my best to keep the story going by helping others here as it gives some hope on a day by day basis. Thank you the continued support, I really appreciate it as It making weep tears of hurt I feel for myself and more for the third party involved. Some how I will find the strength to survive but I keep questioning myself where do I find this strength to keep going on. And also how long do I think I can keep going on like this as I endure such guilt and emotional abuse.
Unknown my friend, I like the tone of your last post 
I feel better that you're going to stick around. Like my young friend Seadra said...."you're great at helping people"
I feel better that you're going to stick around. Like my young friend Seadra said...."you're great at helping people"
All I can say thank you, thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Take my my friend.
Hi SillyOldBear, thank you for kind words. I appreciate and respect your trust in faith. But how I can I forgive myself when I hurt a fellow human being really deeply. Until I am forgiven, I continue to suffer at the hands of others as my mental state crumbles and causes me to crash on a day by day basis. This site and the support from others has helped me to survive. I can honestly say that I would not be here today but it's down to this site. So you will understand, why I give back so much to this site in terms of emotional and financial support.
I hope my story continues and touches others so they read my story and help them to choose LIFE and NOT the final commitment.
Thank you for support as it means a lot. I survive today, I make that promise to YOU.
I hope my story continues and touches others so they read my story and help them to choose LIFE and NOT the final commitment.
Thank you for support as it means a lot. I survive today, I make that promise to YOU.
I am down today as the OCD has kicked into today heavy as I pick mounts of soil. The soil I pick reminds of me saying "ashes to ashes, dust to dust to myself. Almost I replaying my own funeral where there is no one there except for the Grim Reaper.
The Grim Reaper smiles at me whilst I am in the six foot hole burying myself with a hand of soil at a time. Each time I pick up a hand full of soil, I weep tears of hurt for the all haters who wish me to go to hell without my soul. I keep weeping as I bury myself and with the last mount of soil, I feel at home in the darkness. I wander in darkness and slowly my life light slowly flickers like a candle on a short fuse.
I appreciate this might be descriptive but it shows how I feel all time as I endure living day to day. But still today I choose LIFE but a deep sorrow.
So if you feel like what I have described together we have a common purpose which is CHOOSE LIFE and nothing else.
My story continues..........
The Grim Reaper smiles at me whilst I am in the six foot hole burying myself with a hand of soil at a time. Each time I pick up a hand full of soil, I weep tears of hurt for the all haters who wish me to go to hell without my soul. I keep weeping as I bury myself and with the last mount of soil, I feel at home in the darkness. I wander in darkness and slowly my life light slowly flickers like a candle on a short fuse.
I appreciate this might be descriptive but it shows how I feel all time as I endure living day to day. But still today I choose LIFE but a deep sorrow.
So if you feel like what I have described together we have a common purpose which is CHOOSE LIFE and nothing else.
My story continues..........
Yesterday, I was tired but decided to help someone who had help me a lot over the past two years. I went to a local discount store and bought the following
1. Cereal Box that cost $2.50 cents.
2. Pop Corn that cost 0.59 cents.
3. Dog biscuits that cost 0.90 cents.
4. Cheese that cost $2.00 dollars.
5. Dog food that cost $2.40 cents.
6. Tea bags that cost $1.00 dollar.
I itemise the food that I bought which I gave to the homeless old man and dog. He really appreciated my help and wanted to help me. I said he was helping me all the time as his support was what I wanted. I know that when I loose everything, I will be welcomed on to the streets with open arms. At least I know, I helped the forgotten people and they geninuely appreciate my help. The old man needed five dollars for his electric meter. I gave him five dollars and he was happy. The dog approached with affection and it's sad when you know that the trust of a dog is all I care about whilst I isolate myself from society.
On the way out of the local town, I met the preacher man who helped a lot. He hugged and greeted me with a genuine feeling. He told me that, I was a doing a good deed by helping others who needed my help. I took these words to heart as it hurt me a lot as I went home. I shed tears but I was tired from the cleaning. I took my medication and crashed deeply. I sit here knowing that I survive on a day by day basis trying to increase my scorecard before my times comes. Still like everyday, I choose LIFE whilst I suffer everyday.
Please choose LIFE and use me as an example to stay alive here.
My story continues.........
1. Cereal Box that cost $2.50 cents.
2. Pop Corn that cost 0.59 cents.
3. Dog biscuits that cost 0.90 cents.
4. Cheese that cost $2.00 dollars.
5. Dog food that cost $2.40 cents.
6. Tea bags that cost $1.00 dollar.
I itemise the food that I bought which I gave to the homeless old man and dog. He really appreciated my help and wanted to help me. I said he was helping me all the time as his support was what I wanted. I know that when I loose everything, I will be welcomed on to the streets with open arms. At least I know, I helped the forgotten people and they geninuely appreciate my help. The old man needed five dollars for his electric meter. I gave him five dollars and he was happy. The dog approached with affection and it's sad when you know that the trust of a dog is all I care about whilst I isolate myself from society.
On the way out of the local town, I met the preacher man who helped a lot. He hugged and greeted me with a genuine feeling. He told me that, I was a doing a good deed by helping others who needed my help. I took these words to heart as it hurt me a lot as I went home. I shed tears but I was tired from the cleaning. I took my medication and crashed deeply. I sit here knowing that I survive on a day by day basis trying to increase my scorecard before my times comes. Still like everyday, I choose LIFE whilst I suffer everyday.
Please choose LIFE and use me as an example to stay alive here.
My story continues.........
Today, I woke up with sheer determination to live LIFE. My whole LIFE might be in a mess but I am determined to live another day. I know one thing I will never to do is to betray the third party. I am driven to live LIFE and battle each day knowing that I hurt someone who really trusted me. I will never break that trust given and I can deal with whatever is thrown in my way whilst I achieve the impossible target.
SO, LETS ALL LIVE ANOTHER DAY AND LET ME TAKE ON YOUR PAIN AS I AM DRIVEN WITH DETERMINATION. I MIGHT CRASH LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES BUT I WILL GET UP AGAIN LIKE I HAVE BEFORE....... THE PRESSURE IS IMMENSE BUT I CHOOSE LIFE AND NOT THE "FINAL COMMITTMENT".
SO, LETS ALL LIVE ANOTHER DAY AND LET ME TAKE ON YOUR PAIN AS I AM DRIVEN WITH DETERMINATION. I MIGHT CRASH LIKE A SACK OF POTATOES BUT I WILL GET UP AGAIN LIKE I HAVE BEFORE....... THE PRESSURE IS IMMENSE BUT I CHOOSE LIFE AND NOT THE "FINAL COMMITTMENT".
Today, the mental abuse was not nice as I kept my cool and tried to the keep truce with person who makes my life hell. The pleasure this person gets from mentally tormenting is not nice. I bear no malice but I remain calm in this person's presence.
The harassment came to a level when person decided to sit next to me and watch I am doing. I sat their calm and made the person look like a fool. I felt hurt that someone keeps picking on my vunberability for no reason at all. No one sticks up for me but behind this person's back it has be recognised by others. Like a wise man told me "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer". That's what I am playing.
The conversation went on to downloading films and streaming. The discussion stated that they were proud to do something illegal and thought no one would nothing. They mocked me but I remained calm.
Like I say, they sense something is wrong and pick on vunberability. I write down my feelings so they realise they hurt me everyday and I remain calm. Of course I could do something but I remain calm.
Like I keep saying on many occasions, I will never betray the third party and I will keep my word. I endure emotional abuse at the cost of mental status. Life might not be fun now but I am STILL ALIVE.
My story continues.........
The harassment came to a level when person decided to sit next to me and watch I am doing. I sat their calm and made the person look like a fool. I felt hurt that someone keeps picking on my vunberability for no reason at all. No one sticks up for me but behind this person's back it has be recognised by others. Like a wise man told me "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer". That's what I am playing.
The conversation went on to downloading films and streaming. The discussion stated that they were proud to do something illegal and thought no one would nothing. They mocked me but I remained calm.
Like I say, they sense something is wrong and pick on vunberability. I write down my feelings so they realise they hurt me everyday and I remain calm. Of course I could do something but I remain calm.
Like I keep saying on many occasions, I will never betray the third party and I will keep my word. I endure emotional abuse at the cost of mental status. Life might not be fun now but I am STILL ALIVE.
My story continues.........
Thank you Brian, your continued support ensures that I live another day. I crashed last night severely as it was a hard day. I cried last night but what choice do I have but to try to do the impossible promise. I never meant to hurt a fellow human being and I must feel the pain everyday as I think it's the right thing to do. I must feel the hurt caused and then I realise what I had done. I might live in darkness but I will survive some how as I do everyday.
Like I have the said in the past, I fall asleep and when I get up, I appreciate the first gasp of air. Appreciating the first gasp of air shows me that "LIFE IS IMPORTANT".
So folks as I endure my self-punishment PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE LIKE I DO..........
My story continues..............
Like I have the said in the past, I fall asleep and when I get up, I appreciate the first gasp of air. Appreciating the first gasp of air shows me that "LIFE IS IMPORTANT".
So folks as I endure my self-punishment PLEASE CHOOSE LIFE LIKE I DO..........
My story continues..............