Walking around and trying to stop pressing the self-destruction button.

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, it was a hard day as I stayed quiet whilst two people tormented me. They ridiculed me at their pleasure. I was raging inside but I have learnt to relax and keep my rage within. However, I crashed with severe sadness knowing that everyday is going to be the same. As ever, I crashed but I had no choice but to pick myself from the ground to push myself to do the impossible promise.

I realise that I have no choice but hunger for life is driven by determination to complete the impossible I know I caused immense pain to the third party but I want to feel the hurt everyday which I deserve because I care enough to do it.

If I can survive so CAN YOU.....

This is a short passage but I truly care about the hurt and pain the third party felt which I caused. I know deep down I suffer but it's the right thing to do for hurting such an amazing person. These words are the truth coming from my heart and even if it's takes a lifetime to do the impossible, I will do it as I'm driven to because I still care for the hurt caused even though there was no future.

Surely, what I try to shows remorse even though the my haters think I lie as I write these passages. I write from the heart as I no more feeling of happiness but to feel the sadness everyday.

I promise my story will continue........

 

[Unknown_111]

I forgot mention yesterday I upset someone because they felt offended. I said something about the national election in a local store and I joked about someone's feelings. I upset them and their words recalled to me everyday. The words, were "How dare you?" in a high pitch voice. I need to make amendments with this person. I think I have to say sorry again even though I apologised yesterday. I have to use the lesson I have learnt to apologise and walk away even though I still walk in darkness and deserved so.

I know I hurt the third party and I see the sun rising everyday but I do not see or feel it in my heart. I don't see any sun rising or shining inside me which makes feel down and causes me to cry tears of hurt not for me but for the people who I hurt especially the third party. I down, disheartened and all alone in this world. I only live for the impossible promise which I know I will achieve nice and slowly like I achieved the original promise which nearly meant me doing the "final committment". I cannot talk about the "promise" but it was done under the most straining circumstances. Even though others might read this passage but trust these words are the truth and nothing but the truth. Remember I will be hated by my haters but there is always two sides to a story. Ok, I will be most hated person by the masses but remember did I seek any revenge of any kind. MMMMMmmm, the answer is a defiantly, "NO" especially with speech-marks around the word.

I will keep writing with speech-marks...... " LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING AND NOT REVENGE." My revenge will be me doing the final committment or when I am punished swiftly at the hands of human wolves. I hope the suffering from human wolves will quick and decisive. By remember when my revenge comes, everyone of you assoiciated with third party will feel a sense of justice has been done and justified. But, think on, "

"YOU MIGHT SEE JUSTICE DONE BUT ALSO YOU CARRY THE EMOTIONAL BLOOD SCARS ON YOUR HANDS FOR EVERYDAY OF YOUR LIFE. WHEN YOU ARE WASHING YOUR HANDS AT ANYTIME OF YOUR LIFE."

YOU WILL "NEVER" WASH THE EMOTIONAL BLOOD MARKS FROM YOUR HANDS AS THEY WILL FOREVER BE THERE ON YOUR HANDS AND THESE REMARKS WILL HAUNT YOU AT THE BACK OF MIND FOREVER. THESE WORDS WILL HAUNT YOU THE REST OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE TO YOUR LAST LIVING DAY.

I got my feelings of my chest as I pity my haters as much as I hate myself everyday struggling with my own mental state everyday. I hope people who made suffer are proud of themselves. What I came through is living proof that when you have lost all hope of not living, then there is only hope you can grab on to stay alive.

My promise will be done even though others laugh or snigger at me....... Think on....!!

I am driven by the care I have for the third party.......

 

[Charlotte918]

Thank you again. You contionus support helped me today. You have to be strong when you have no choice. Yes, I fight my inner demons everyday as I help the poor and homeless. My theory if they can survive then I can survive. I will build my respect by helping the poor. My richness is my heart and the spiritual feeling of doing an act of human kindness makes me richer in heart and makes ME believe in myself and to show you folk that LIFE IS FOR LIVING AND THE FINAL COMMITTMENT IS NOT THE ANSWER.

Gave in a little to my inner demons this week. Six months of hard-earned sobriety thrown away in a futile effort to escape my pain. A good friend says mistakes are messages. Write my mistake on one side of a piece of paper and the lessons on the other. Tear in half and decide which one I want to keep- the mistake or the lessons. I'm feeling too cowardly to even do that. I'm glad to be reminded that I'm not the only one who feels so deeply. It's a blessing to feel love, kindness, and hope so fully, but the inverse is to feel pain, fear, and suffering deeply too. Seeing you and others face struggles like that gives me a ray of hope. Hope is powerful. It keeps the embers warm even when the flame has faded.

 

[DeadAlive]

Gave in a little to my inner demons this week. Six months of hard-earned sobriety thrown away in a futile effort to escape my pain. A good friend says mistakes are messages. Write my mistake on one side of a piece of paper and the lessons on the other. Tear in half and decide which one I want to keep- the mistake or the lessons. I'm feeling too cowardly to even do that. I'm glad to be reminded that I'm not the only one who feels so deeply. It's a blessing to feel love, kindness, and hope so fully, but the inverse is to feel pain, fear, and suffering deeply too. Seeing you and others face struggles like that gives me a ray of hope. Hope is powerful. It keeps the embers warm even when the flame has faded.

Your comments remind me of the book of Psalms. Try reading that book... you will see that there are some similarities to the way you have commented here.

 

[Unknown_111]

Gave in a little to my inner demons this week. Six months of hard-earned sobriety thrown away in a futile effort to escape my pain. A good friend says mistakes are messages. Write my mistake on one side of a piece of paper and the lessons on the other. Tear in half and decide which one I want to keep- the mistake or the lessons. I'm feeling too cowardly to even do that. I'm glad to be reminded that I'm not the only one who feels so deeply. It's a blessing to feel love, kindness, and hope so fully, but the inverse is to feel pain, fear, and suffering deeply too. Seeing you and others face struggles like that gives me a ray of hope. Hope is powerful. It keeps the embers warm even when the flame has faded.

Let me help YOU. Ok you relapsed, let's start again I am determined to live and give back to others. It's just me., I would help anyone as this is my future now. Stay strong, well try to, as I care. Let's help you. We can start one day at a time and we can help you to make it.

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I hurt someone who did care about once and it cause me to crash severely. I crashed, I slept for six hours. I have no purpose except to what I agreed to. Also, as I took my frustration out doing exercise I upset a tall person who was angry and used his stature to intimidate me. He was aggressive in his response but I was a bigger person and said sorry to him. I told him I was in agreement with him just to boost his ego. Simply I said sorry and walked away in shame. I was intimidated again but used the simple words of "sorry".

Someone got angry with me yesterday and in return I got angry, perhaps I should have walked way but sometimes you have stand up to bullies and let them know they are no longer can imtidate others. At the other day, bullies are cowards. I crashed after the event and decide from now on to walk away from trouble. It's a better solution.

I am definitely down but going determined to stay strong for living life on a day by day basis. I will try to be a better person today as yesterday I hope was just a blip. I cry now as someone who I cared about left me nearly taking my life. I have learnt the "final committment" is not the answer.

I promise to continue my story for the impossible promise.....

 

[Unknown_111]

I crashed yesterday and OCD kicked big time. I kept cleaning for two hours. I just stayed quiet all day. I went into depress mode, sleep whilst suffer servere depression. I survive yesterday because I met the old man and dof The dog showed me more affection and I all I want now is a dog but I have now space nor time to give to the dog. I hope I suffer everyday for the hurt I cost but heh that's my life now. I just wonder helping others like homeless. I now I will lose everything but I won't lose my life. If I die in a cold and dark place I know in my heart I did wrong and I helped my new family who will welcome with open arms and if not then it's What you to deal with life.

I break down but I do not want empathy as its not what I want. I want my haters to know to keep hating me but as you push me to the brink of the final comiitment I fight everyday the right to live. At least, I know I feel the hurt caused....

I promise to post again....

 

[Unknown_111]

I crashed last night when one of my tormentors kept on having a go about me not having a break. I appreciate but I stuck to my convictions and stood my ground. However I crashed last night and just kept repeating the words, " I want to die."

I cried a lot but all I care about is the impossible promise which is going to take a long time but I have no choice. I fight my demons everyday but what choice do I have as l trying to keep this vow of silence. I made a committment and I will keep to this promise because I really care for the hurt I caused.

I'm hurting but I determined to live life., I promise.

 

[Brian777]

I crashed last night when one of my tormentors kept on having a go about me not having a break. I appreciate but I stuck to my convictions and stood my ground. However I crashed last night and just kept repeating the words, " I want to die."

I cried a lot but all I care about is the impossible promise which is going to take a long time but I have no choice. I fight my demons everyday but what choice do I have as l trying to keep this vow of silence. I made a committment and I will keep to this promise because I really care for the hurt I caused.

I'm hurting but I determined to live life., I promise.

I understand your pain my friend, I've been struggling too this past while, it always seems to return. I care for you brother and you inspire me.
Brian

 

[Unknown_111]

I understand your pain my friend, I've been struggling too this past while, it always seems to return. I care for you brother and you inspire me.
Brian

Thank you. I am struggling very hard at the moment as each I have dig deep and more deeper in order to stop feeling the hurt I caused. I crashed yesterday after a long day, I am crying on a daily basis and still surviving some how. I survive but I will survive. The mental cruelty I suffer everyday at the hands of others who I still feel I laughed at my demise still hurts. I know I suffered a lot but I continue to fight the urges everyday.

I know one thing, I will continue the strong urge for "the final committment" but if in the end if I it happens then at least people will know that the mental cruelty I have suffered was no laughing matter and I feel the hurt I caused revelry day and all I want to do help others to see that when come to the urge of doing the final commitment, you have fight your demons with all determination.

I hope the public never see this journal as it's ever publicised then every word I continue to write and have written is showing the geninue hurt I feel everyday. If I ever meet the third party I will ask to them to touch the tip of my finger so I can break the connection I still have in my shattered heart. I know others might think this sounds very stupid but it shows how much deep down I feel everyday for someone who I did care about and all I care about is the hurt I caused.

The third party may laugh at this but they should realise by now that I do not plan to take revenge. Many others may find it my passages very repetitive but the life changing experience I have been through will make others realise when one still considers doing the final committment is no laughing matter.

I do know how long I can last but I will continue to fight everyday my right to live. This forum saves my life everyday. I trying so hard to survive but I am crashing daily but heh I come to learn and live this process of crashing and recovering everyday day. If that's the way I got to live whilst I raise funds for the compensation that I must pay then so be it.

I will survive another day, I promise....

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I crashed severely in the morning but I recovered some how. I went back to a local store where I upset someone. I tried to use the process of apologising and walk away but this failed. I told a friend of this person to apologise on behalf and I would never enter is local store in respect of upset person.

It hurt that someone would accept my apology but again I walked away in terrible state. I was so emotionally upset that I just stayed quiet all morning. One of tormentors decide to get personal in that they continue to mentally hurt me with the following statement at 11.46 am. The comment made was " Its your life and if you want to fuck it up its up to you". This is the same person who said a cruel statement in September 2015 and nearly caused me to do something at lunch time.

The irony is that the same person has banned me from using my phone during my working hours of 9.00 am to 17.30 pm. I oblige by these harsh rules in order to survive to maintain the income in order raise funds for the compensation I have to pay. I noticed yesterday this person constantly using there phone in the office. I see others walk off and make personal calls.

I feel this is harsh treatment as everyone should be allowed to use their phones. Life is not fair but I have to work under these such harsh regime rules everyday. I hope this pointed out to this person. I feel that I suffer such mental cruelty everyday. The emotional abuse is very hurtful but what choice do I have. I must work in order to compensate the third party for the hurt I caused.

I hope others who read this are totally ashamed of themselves in that they never intervened as this makes remarks like the above during the days. I suffer a lot of mental abuse as I try to get on with my life. It's hurtful know as the tears are rolling down now.

I hope others realise the pain I suffer everyday as the mental cruelty is more gruesome than physical pain. I know I struggle everyday choosing between life and the final committment. But I choose LIFE everyday and no one knows how much pain I go through everyday.

Please take heart, please choose LIFE. Let me take your pain as I continue my journey in life.

I promise my story will continue......

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday was irony. One of tormentors said a profound statement that totally shocked me. The conversation was talking about bullies. The tormentor stated
" Bullies are cowards" which I thought was ironic. Knowing what this person put me through over the years in terms being a close friend and mental emotional bully is not nice.

This tormentor cannot mess with people's heads in the way that they do and think it's a laugh. Emotional bullying is more damaging than physical bullying. With physical bullying its happen and you recover well perhaps over a period of time. In no way am I condoning bullying but think people with the power to manipulate others is not nice. I hate bullying of any sort and sometimes try to intervene when I can.

Some may think I am bully sometimes but for me it's an hard exterior which I portray in order to protect my fragile state of mind. I pose a tough exterior in order to protect others who I deeply care about and make others think do think about the future actions could be life changing. With confrontational situations which I face most days, I do the "say sorry and walk away" process but if I am pushed to the edge I tell them they do not want to see my anger loose and ask them to reconsider any future actions. It's about portraying a fear persona to protect the people I care about.

People who I upset have massive egoes that need to smashed to bits but I will do in a subtle way by the use of fear. In my mind, fear is a greater weapon than physical voilence which I do not agree with. My fear will spread as I get to know the homeless I help everyday as I do not pass any judgement among them but help them out of the gutter that I am stuck in permanently. Like they say, there is honour and respect among thieves. I will keep my honour intact about the people I deal with on a day to day basis.

My story will continue I promise that.....

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I crashed in the morning and kept myself busy in order to occupy my mind. I we out at lunchtime and met the homeless young man who I promised take to the see the sea. He told he lost his anger and hit someone because they were causing him grief.

I gave him sympathy and he was still smiling. I told him not to worry as he was very supportive of me back in 2014. I stated that I can never repay for the support except by helping him to get on his feet. I stated we will start again and as its day one today. He still smiling even though he lost his shelter place. My heart strings pulled and I gave him $20 dollars to help make sure he did not go hungry and that he maintained his self-dignity. The important thing to a homeless person is self respect and self pride. I told him that I did not judge but will help him back on his feet.

The smile again was priceless but I don't understand why society shuns people who are literally begging for food. I will continue to support him as I know he will relay me when I ask him to. Over the two and half years I have learnt life us important and what is in your heart. I know I have a heart but I just want my soul before I do the final committment. Once, I have settled all my natter and redeemed my soul, others will realise that I tried to become remorseful and if I have not. At least I'm try my hardest everyday.

The pain I feel for the third party which I caused causes me such mental anguish that no one understand until I completely crash. I crash daily but I get up and recover because I have no choice but try to fight for my right to live each day. Each day it's mixed emotions where one day you are feeling great and the next day I feel low that I continue to have emotions about doing the final committment. Life is hard but I try to live each day as the condemned person waiting for their call to be taken by the grim reaper. I hope if I am taken, then it's done swiftly with me feeling no pain.

I was strong yesterday as I bought kitchen utensils which I could use to SH but the urge was very low compared back to 2014. I still suffer from the SH process but I use the elastic band to survive each day.

I promise my story will continue.......

 

[Unknown_111]

I crashed today severely like I do everyday but I know deep down I will make it each day I survive. I put $12 dollars into the compensation fund. The counter staff asked how I was. I told them straight forward "same sh$ different day". I upset someone today who I deeply cared about but I must face my struggle on own as others should not suffer what I suffer everyday. I act like a bastard in order to protect the two precious things in my life (Hint:Kisstle-whistle) but they know deep down I suffer everyday for their happiness. My suffering will make sure they are kept safe as I promised the special one I would never leave them alone and I will keep that promise. Remember I might be dammed by my haters but I am still here helping others whilst I think I am breathing life into my lungs.

My hunger for life is growing and I am watering by the mouth ready with my venom. Not for revenge but for life itself. The hunger is getting stronger and stronger. To my haters, let your hate be your demise as you no doubt mock me. Mock me, but I will if I do the final committment at least other or millions will read this passage. If not, the third party loves a good story and a very personal with my true feeling from my now dark and soulless heart. Like the songs goes, I'm "ALIVE AND KICKING"...

The lyrics so true are.....

Oh you lift me up to the crucial top, so I can see
Oh you lead me on, till the feelings come
And the lights that shine on
But if that don't mean nothing
Like if someday it should fall through
You'll take me home where the magic's from
And I'll be with you

What you gonna do when things go wrong?
What you gonna do when it all cracks up?
What you gonna do when the Love burns down?
What you gonna do when the flames go up?
Who is gonna come and turn the tide?
What's it gonna take to make a dream survive?
Who's got the touch to calm the storm inside?
Don't say goodbye
Don't say goodbye

In the final seconds who's gonna save you?

My story will continue.... I promise.....

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I saw a woman in a local store swearing about the abuse her son was getting because of his learning difficulties. I told her it was ok to swear as she was letting out her frustration about her son.

I saw the bullies who made this young man walk away in shame. I used my physical build to intimidate the group of youths who collectively made fun of this person. This woman had her own difficulties and told her to be not ashamed of her outbursts. As bullies together think they strong together.

It hurts me to see others hurting so that what got me angry. I cried last night as the self-hate turned on me. My character was assassinated by others as I have line of defence except for me writing my thoughts. I am so down today, all I can do is to survive on a day by day basis.

 

[Unknown_111]

The past two days have been tough. I helped the homeless by giving the old man and his dog $5 dollars and some smokes. I met a homeless friend and gave him some energy drinks to keep him awake. I helped the homeless as I have a close affiliation with them.

Best of all I helped an ex-con as he remembered me giving him $10 dollars last year and he appreciated it. I am keeping a low profile as not to raise my profile. Today, I saw three people arguing over a discount and the intidation shown was unnecessary. I alerted the security and their intervention averted the situation. The security thanked me for bringing to their attention but I said I hated the person being unreasonable and not being able to discuss the disagreement in a civilised manner.

Yesterday, I had a hat on and a security person wanted me to remove it or he had the right to remove me from the premises. I did as requested on my way out but this person still made their point because he had power. I protested to the other members of security as I exited the premises. Some people go power-mad with their job over a stupid argument. I said sorry and walked away.

I mentally and physically drained today as I have to punish myself everyday, I know the pain will be worth it in the end as I always keep my word.

 

[Unknown_111]

Yesterday, I returned to work but suffered a major crash but like everyday I recovered. I remained calm but the torment continued. One of my tormentors thought it was great to mention the word "dogshit" in order to cause a provocation. I decided to ignore this comment as this person continues to kick me in the stomach with such comments. They think such provocation will cause me to get angry and retaliate or order to show my anger.

I kept myself calm as you know this person just wants a reaction in order claim compensation. I do not trust this person at all. Another person who mocked and had the audacity to call me a "bully" and stated that I was harassing them. Again, I pointed out to this person that if he has issues, please feel free to continue to mock me and report me for anything he is accusing he of. I kindly reminded this person he mocked me for giving the homeless some food and that I never took any action against them when he had the nerve to open my parcel.

This person stated his action was just a practical "joke" as he was doing it for a so called "laugh". This person must realise that mocking others is not a laugh and caused such emotional damage. The emotional damage is hurtful and still raw to this day.

I told this person continue to mock me if they find it funny. I hope it gives them great pleasure in hurting he emotionally. I had to remind this person at least I have a heart and help others whereas I am not greedy about money. I told this person that continue to mock me but he will receive his karma one day.

By me stating this fact hit a raw nerve as this person decided to call me and apologise for mocking me. I told this person that it was too late to say sorry as the damage was done by his actions. I told them that there was no point in saying sorry because of his foolish actions. But I rethought again and accepted their apology.

I will stay quiet from now on and keep very quiet in my reaction. I will let these tormentors to continue to mock me and I hope they realise the long term damaging they are having on me.

I crashed again but I recovered as usual as I continue to live on a hour by hour basis. I hope I continue with this passage and not feeling drawn towards the final committment. I want to live and NOT die....

I cry as I write this last sentence..... The pain I endure is NOT nice but I survive because I care for the hurt I caused to the third party. I just want to say sorry but I cannot because of the vow of silence I have taken.

I promise my story will continue.......

:,,,,,,,,,,(

 

[Unknown_111]

I crashed yesterday after a long journey. The tears rolled down instantly but I recovered by using the elastic band process. I saw a person yesterday who I really cared for and told them what happened. They said to me do not give up on life as its important. What hurts me most was that I was compared to an awful social label and as a psychopath. Those haters who want destroy to me mentally have done a wonderful job and what hurts most I had to fight for my right to live everyday. I was left in pieces but I did not take any revenge but in the end helped others like I helped the third party. I hope the world reads this journal and realise I admit I did wrong but what I was told to do prove my loyalty to this third party was done and I would do it again just to show how much I cared about this person as a fellow human being.

Surely like is about caring for others and showing kindness. I hope my haters still laugh to this day when they realise I nearly did the final committment. When someone tells you to proof your worth and it nearly means taking your life then you have fight. I hope I have taught others that life is something you do not take granted for but appreciate.

I still appreciate life when I get up in the morning but I only live for the impossible promise. Nothing else matters now but people need to learn from their experiences and try to become a better person.

I hope my life will be remembered for what I do now. If I do end doing the final committment then I know I will left a legacy and my haters will have my blood on their hands when they realise what I went through. They may laugh at me but I hope my death will prick you own mind everyday and I hope others will remind you of this everyday of your life.

I hope I am here tomorrow to post again but who knows what each day brings in life. So for that reason, I treat each day as its my last day on this planet called earth. I suffer everyday but I did deep to survive as I deeply care for the hurt I caused to the third party. I got to go as the hurt is causing me to cry now.......

:,,,,,,,, (

 

[Unknown_111]

Today had been hard. I crashed because someone said something that hurtful. I hope this person realises that what they said. At least I don't spend all day having smokes and constantly on my phone. One of my tormentors had the audacity to switch on their mobile and watch the events in Rio whilst I am obeying the rules laid down by not being able to use my any mobile device between the working day. I adhere to these dranconian rules in order to survive. The mental torture I endure is not nice but having a good cry helps me realise that deep down I care for the hurt I cause.

I see others committing offences such as tax evasion from the IRS and they think that's right such as non payment of tax from renting out homes they have taken loans out for. Is that right?I know I have done wrong and I would breakdown asking for forgiveness and would do the final commitment as a way to apologise to the third party who I hurt a lot.

When I broke down earlier today, I cried alone the words "I want to die" at top of my voice as I do not consider my life is worth living. I endure such mental torture everyday as others take advantage of my good nature. Someone even mocked me helping an old man in a wheelchair. The person who mocked me was surprised at my act of kindness but that is my nature.

I would help anyone in need and expect nothing in return. I helped the third party during their times of woe with words of encouragement and with no malicious expectation. The third party virtually destroyed me mentally and physically which I have had endure the hurt I caused for the rest of my living days. I know the third party might be thinking I am plotting some sort of revenge but why would I even think about revenge. My thinking process is totally different in that I would have done the same thing in their shoes.

I know, the bonded trust we forged together but I would never break that geninue trust even if meant me doing the final committment just to show much I deeply cared for the hurt caused. Yes, many of the third party associates might think these words are lies and this totally understandable given the circumstances.

I don't know what it is whether it's the characteristics of my own OCD but I still care about the hurt caused to the third party even though I realise there is no future between us. Like I say I cannot move on until either I have geninuely said sorry on face to face scenario.

In this scenario, the third party would see geninue tears of remorse and not false crocodile tears where I would ask for forgiveness but it set me back with a massive mental breakdown.

I question myself whether for the second time could I recover from this new breakdown or I would end up a mumbling reck in an indefinite state where I would require medication and electro shock until I walk around in a vegetable state of mind. In this predicted state of mind I would just spend my days walking around and pulling out clumps of my hair. It's sounds a terrible picture but this how much detremential effect this third party have had an effect on me.

To this very moment, the hurt I feel is very raw like the first day I joined this site back in January 2014. I still feel the hurt not for me but for the third party. Writing this post in my passage shows to others that you can survive even under the most extreme circumstances you face.

I hope this passage helps you as it has helped me in writing down this post.

I hope I get to live another day to post another passage the next day.

I cannot cry as my eyes ducts are dried up Heh, I'm down but still surviving.....

Thank you reading this post and let me feel your pain as I endure my own because I simply care for others on this forum.

One big heart, one big love to the SF FAMILY.

 

[Unknown_111]

I crashed yesterday and today as the hurt I feel is hurting me a lot. I revived some good news that comforted me for the day. I kept myself busy by cleaning and tidying up. Two days ago I put another $200 dollars away for the compensation fund that I must repay to the third party. I so down in that I must still the hurt I caused and that I nearly took my life as I could not complete the original promise.

Helping here on a daily basis is my only other purpose in life. I want others to learn from my experience that life is important. I know that I must feel the remorse for the rest of my life. The third party must realise you cannot play mind games that nearly consequently caused a piece of scum like me to nearly take my life.

My life has totally change as I will never able to live another day of happiness until I completed the impossible promise is the only thing I live for. Your hurt is my hurt and let me be an example of why YOU MUST CHOOSE LIFE..

I will no doubt cry and crash again but I know I will survive as I do everyday.

Thank you reading my post and please choose life.