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Warehouse worker needed!

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#1
To whom it may concern.

Good day, we at Soul-crushers Inc. are currently looking to hire a warehouse worker. The job will involve packing unnecessary shit into a cardboard box and placing it on a forklift. For this you will need to live up to the following:

1. Have at least 2 years of previous experience working in a warehouse. Putting a thing into a box is very difficult and it can take years of practice to completely master. It's not something you can just pick up overnight.
2. Have many close friends and a life-partner. We will ask you if you have these relationships during our tenth group interview on zoom (only around 50 applicants will have made it to this stage) to make sure that you're not some weirdo that has social problems. No friends? Say goodbye to working in our warehouse- yes we are actually like this!
3. Fulfill our flavor-of-the-month roulette of arbitrary characteristics so that our workplace has enough superficial differences between the people that pack garbage into boxes.
4. Make sure that you don't have any gaps in your resume, because some of the other 500 applicants don't.

Just make sure to be the top person out of five hundred, in short. If that's too hard, then you can't work and neither shall you eat!!!
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#2
I understand your frustration, job search sucks on so many levels, especially when you have gaps in your resume. :( It takes lots of disappointments, frustration and time.
I'm not sure it'll make you feel any better, but I've never (and I don't think many people have) applied for a position where I fitted all of the requirements. Not even most of them. I keep reminding myself that these are their "perfect dream worker" requirements, not realistic ones, cause I don't even know any ""normal"" person who fits them all, much less one like me.

As much as this may feel like the worst thing in the world, there are certain things you gotta lie about if you want any job. I'm not talking about making up "resume" stuff, like a degree you don't have, eh. But saying you have 2-3 close friends you like to spend time with? It shows loyalty and a minimum of social ability, I suggest you say it. Things like that. I also recommend finding something to say for the gap in your resume. At least that you took a course online in something that interested you, like knitting or programming. I don't know, anything.

I clearly embellish my mental health, and I focus on the things I'm good at rather than my weaknesses. If you think you're good at nothing (which is probably not true anyway), you can say things like willingness to learn, motivation to work hard, integrity, work ethics, punctuality, bla bla. There are so many things everyone could say, even if you don't believe in them.

Imagine you're the only one applying, you can only do your best. Them telling you there are 50 other applicants may be true, but it may also be a lie to destabilize or demotivate you. It is all about motivation in the end. I know I've been told some blatant lies like that at interviews as well in the past to "test" me. I only realized they did when I got home and I facepalmed... But hey, I learned, and it won't happen again.

If you want any help with resumes or interviews, don't hesitate to ask. There are things everyone can do to get better at those. :) You will find something.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#3
I understand your frustration, job search sucks on so many levels, especially when you have gaps in your resume. :( It takes lots of disappointments, frustration and time.
I'm not sure it'll make you feel any better, but I've never (and I don't think many people have) applied for a position where I fitted all of the requirements. Not even most of them. I keep reminding myself that these are their "perfect dream worker" requirements, not realistic ones, cause I don't even know any ""normal"" person who fits them all, much less one like me.

As much as this may feel like the worst thing in the world, there are certain things you gotta lie about if you want any job. I'm not talking about making up "resume" stuff, like a degree you don't have, eh. But saying you have 2-3 close friends you like to spend time with? It shows loyalty and a minimum of social ability, I suggest you say it. Things like that. I also recommend finding something to say for the gap in your resume. At least that you took a course online in something that interested you, like knitting or programming. I don't know, anything.

I clearly embellish my mental health, and I focus on the things I'm good at rather than my weaknesses. If you think you're good at nothing (which is probably not true anyway), you can say things like willingness to learn, motivation to work hard, integrity, work ethics, punctuality, bla bla. There are so many things everyone could say, even if you don't believe in them.

Imagine you're the only one applying, you can only do your best. Them telling you there are 50 other applicants may be true, but it may also be a lie to destabilize or demotivate you. It is all about motivation in the end. I know I've been told some blatant lies like that at interviews as well in the past to "test" me. I only realized they did when I got home and I facepalmed... But hey, I learned, and it won't happen again.

If you want any help with resumes or interviews, don't hesitate to ask. There are things everyone can do to get better at those. :) You will find something.
I could use deception to increase my odds of getting hired from zero to slim, I feel like these normies are not worth it. I feel like I have to be honest about how I don't have any experience or skills, how I am not driven, positive or social, and that it's not necessary to be those things for these complete pile-of-shit jobs.
 

Auri

🎸🎼Rock Star🎼🎸
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#4
I could use deception to increase my odds of getting hired from zero to slim, I feel like these normies are not worth it. I feel like I have to be honest about how I don't have any experience or skills, how I am not driven, positive or social, and that it's not necessary to be those things for these complete pile-of-shit jobs.
Yeah, I hear you, and I agree. I also want to be as honest as possible, and I'd reform the whole interviewing system if I could... but I just have to cut out all the things that will not get me the job, cause I want a job more than I want to be sincere or to tell them all to f* off. Deep down everyone knows, including employers, that interviews consist of a lot of bs and embellishing yourself. At least when you're young and unexperienced, it's just the only option. *sigh*
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#5
Yeah, I hear you, and I agree. I also want to be as honest as possible, and I'd reform the whole interviewing system if I could... but I just have to cut out all the things that will not get me the job, cause I want a job more than I want to be sincere or to tell them all to f* off. Deep down everyone knows, including employers, that interviews consist of a lot of bs and embellishing yourself. At least when you're young and unexperienced, it's just the only option. *sigh*
I have literally nothing to put on my resume, then. I have two failed education attempts and two failed job attempts. If I exclude those, I have blank pages or "personal strengths", haha. I didn't think I'd live this long.
 

Sunspots

Pffffeckn amazin
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#6
I could use deception to increase my odds of getting hired from zero to slim, I feel like these normies are not worth it. I feel like I have to be honest about how I don't have any experience or skills, how I am not driven, positive or social, and that it's not necessary to be those things for these complete pile-of-shit jobs.
I don't mean to sound harsh but if you go into an interview with that attitude you're really not going to get a job.

I know how tough it is. I'm job hunting myself at the moment and it does seem like you need one or two years experience for even basic low paid jobs. So you need show your qualities in other areas and put a spin on experience to make things fit that particular role. Could you speak to a careers counselor? They would help with your CV and coach you on interview techniques. Getting a professional CV or resume really would help enormously. You don't talk about education failures but the things you did learn. You talk about the things you learnt at your previous jobs - communication skills, good timekeeping, an ability to work as part of a team but also able to work independently, hard working and an eagerness to learn. You research the company beforehand so you can sound knowledgeable and prepare questions about both the job and the company. And you smile.
 

Ash600

Of dust and shadows
SF Creative
SF Supporter
#7
You research the company beforehand so you can sound knowledgeable and prepare questions about both the job and the company. And you smile.
Couldn't agree more, that is key in this day and age for any job, big or small. What employers tend to look for is that "x" factor. Turning up and letting them know you have done some research about their company is always a plus point, as well as highlighting what you can bring to the table. If there's more applicants than jobs, then you need to find an edge over the other's applying.

Yes, during interviews dumb-arsed questions can be asked, but there are reasons for that, it's called filtering out, not just regarding job suitability, but also how they may fit in within a team. Instead of fighting against the system, perhaps learning how to play it would be better.
 

Lux

Outrageously Awesome
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#8
hiring manager here (for entry level jobs at a cinema - tickets and retail etc). Might be able to give some insight if you want it, or might be completely useless and pointless depending on what kind of jobs you're going for, or you might just know already hah, but disregard if that's the case.

Unfortunately the system that weeds out applicants for me will score you based on your answers on the following; experience, knowledge/passion for movies, how far away you live and how open your availability is' - thankfully, it only autorejects the candidate if they score less than 10% - which I'd agree was totally unsuitable - you get that score by basically not being available for our busy days (weekends/holidays) and not living close enough to be able to get home safely late at night (unless you tick that you drive). After they pass, I get them on my system, highest scoring showing first. I'm not saying bullshit, especially with things like availability hah, but if the job you're applying for is a movie theatre and says "do you like movies?" just answer that you do and remember to research for interview init.

I've learned while hiring that the best scored candidate isn't necessarily the best choice, sometimes they will be naturally due to good experience and knowledge etc and it is an easier ride for training, but in my experience, they don't last as long because they get fed up of our shitty/samey place (mostly customer service) and move to somewhere grander and I'm hiring again before I know it. As much as I'd love for consistency and to uphold what it says in the job advertisement about being the best etc, for an entry level job, I literally just need you to be willing and keen, huge bonus points if you like movies because it just means you'll have something in common with the customers. My best staff have been those who have never had jobs before or are coming out of a long bought of unemployment as long as they can show me - so I guess, just don't be afraid to apply for something that's stating you need to be X, Y and Z because the hiring manager is usually just a poor manager trying to fill their team with willing to work people :D

Face to face interview scores you your behaviour (with us), experience comes into it a little bit, but like I said, you could tell me you've never had a retail job but still guess correctly what kind of behaviours you need to show with the customers. We score on confidence, eye contact, understanding of the job (which can be experience but not necessary), knowledge of duties (most people fail this, they tell me you need to smile, be friendly and stuff when actually I just wanna know that you understand you'll be selling tickets and snacks and picking up crap off the floor when people finish watching movies), how much you smiled and showed enthusiasm - that one's massive unfortunately and then availability.

In short, it's all just a big game isn't it and you gotta tick boxes. I genuinely don't give a crap what my staff do outside of work and how many friends they have and hobbies as long as they turn up on time, do a decent job, are friendly while they're on premises and carry that over to customers and carry out their job description with a positive attitude and cause me no hassle :D

PS: A solid google search will usually show up with what questions they ask you if you're going for a basic job with a big enough chain. Research and "enthusiastic" bullshit is key I think.

PPS: I hate movies and had no experience managing a whole cinema or HR and hiring - I got the job and have certificates proving I'm good at it which just proves, you can indeed BS a lot of things as long as you are confident you can learn.

Keep going, something will come up and they'll be lucky to have you.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#9
I could use deception to increase my odds of getting hired from zero to slim, I feel like these normies are not worth it. I feel like I have to be honest about how I don't have any experience or skills, how I am not driven, positive or social, and that it's not necessary to be those things for these complete pile-of-shit jobs.
When it comes to jobs, you're just another number to these people and interviews & resumes are just them seeing you can jump through the hoops of the game. You owe them nothing but your labor and they owe you nothing but a paycheck. If you quit or got fired, your name wouldn't even come up in conversation after a day or two. And this idea of normies not being worth your deception efforts, what the hell is that? Seriously dude, it doesn't make you an ungodly super-villain just to tell The Man what he wants to hear.
 

Freya

Loves SF
Forum Owner
ADMIN
SF Author
#10
I think that there are differences from place to place and manger to manager. When I entered my current field I arrived for a job from a poorly worded job advert and realised in the first 90 seconds of the interview that not only was I not qualified, I literally had never heard of the thing they were looking for someone to do. I knew I wasn’t going to get the job so I relaxed and just talked to the interviewer like a human and for some reason he decided to hire me anyway on the basis that I would learn. The manager I had for five years when I worked retail would hire the person he believed needed the chance the most. It but him in the ass over and over but he never moved from that policy, because for him the people for whom it made a real difference were worth all the people who threw it back in his face.

I am a hiring manager now and I hire people I believe can learn and are willing to work hard. I don’t care if they know how to do the job. I prefer mostly that they don’t have any experience so I can train them.

It’s a bad time right now in the job market. Too many people and not enough jobs. I do think that attitude matters and that it shows. I understand it is hard not to feel bitter and jaded but it’s hard to hide that kind of attitude too. Maybe it needs a new approach.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#11
I think that there are differences from place to place and manger to manager. When I entered my current field I arrived for a job from a poorly worded job advert and realised in the first 90 seconds of the interview that not only was I not qualified, I literally had never heard of the thing they were looking for someone to do. I knew I wasn’t going to get the job so I relaxed and just talked to the interviewer like a human and for some reason he decided to hire me anyway on the basis that I would learn. The manager I had for five years when I worked retail would hire the person he believed needed the chance the most. It but him in the ass over and over but he never moved from that policy, because for him the people for whom it made a real difference were worth all the people who threw it back in his face.
Could you see the halo over this guys head or was it an inner beauty type thing? Was he even human?

I am a hiring manager now and I hire people I believe can learn and are willing to work hard. I don’t care if they know how to do the job. I prefer mostly that they don’t have any experience so I can train them.
Smart move. No well established habits you have to waste your time undoing. You only want your own programming in there.

It’s a bad time right now in the job market. Too many people and not enough jobs. I do think that attitude matters and that it shows. I understand it is hard not to feel bitter and jaded but it’s hard to hide that kind of attitude too. Maybe it needs a new approach.
I'm just messin with ya :) True indeed, it's been a rough year for many on the job front and of course people are bound to feel beaten down. But I agree, an already defeated attitude on a job hunt won't serve anyone well. People pick up on it instantly.
 

Freya

Loves SF
Forum Owner
ADMIN
SF Author
#12
Could you see the halo over this guys head or was it an inner beauty type thing? Was he even human?
He just chose who he wanted to be. He’s currently out £300 he lent to a guy on the side of the road for fuel and idk what and who gave him fake jewellery as collateral. But the couple of times before that guy his generosity to total strangers who needed something turned out well. And he gets to feel happy about who he is. It would be easy to think he’s dumb/naive - I used to be frustrated by it honestly - now I wish I was that brave.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#13
He just chose who he wanted to be. He’s currently out £300 he lent to a guy on the side of the road for fuel and idk what and who gave him fake jewellery as collateral. But the couple of times before that guy his generosity to total strangers who needed something turned out well. And he gets to feel happy about who he is. It would be easy to think he’s dumb/naive - I used to be frustrated by it honestly - now I wish I was that brave.
Of course he gets to feel happy with himself. Why else would he do it. Is the bravery his willingness to fall prey to tricksters?
 

BarryW

SF Supporter
#14
If it makes you feel any better regarding not being chosen for a warehouse job, I was told not to bother coming back to a warehouse job I had for a month or two. After I mentioned plans to go to college months down the road. I didn't fit into their "ideal employee" mold either.

Move on, keep looking, find something better. You can find work. I believe in you.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#15
I don't mean to sound harsh but if you go into an interview with that attitude you're really not going to get a job.

I know how tough it is. I'm job hunting myself at the moment and it does seem like you need one or two years experience for even basic low paid jobs. So you need show your qualities in other areas and put a spin on experience to make things fit that particular role. Could you speak to a careers counselor? They would help with your CV and coach you on interview techniques. Getting a professional CV or resume really would help enormously. You don't talk about education failures but the things you did learn. You talk about the things you learnt at your previous jobs - communication skills, good timekeeping, an ability to work as part of a team but also able to work independently, hard working and an eagerness to learn. You research the company beforehand so you can sound knowledgeable and prepare questions about both the job and the company. And you smile.
I think that my chances of getting a job only increases by feeling disdain and hatred for this <mod edit - guidelines> situation that our politicians and people in general have created. If smiling is needed, they have to go with one of the other thousand applicants. No one is losing out by me not being employed, not even myself. Probably jumping on the dole soon. Fuck society.

hiring manager here (for entry level jobs at a cinema - tickets and retail etc). Might be able to give some insight if you want it, or might be completely useless and pointless depending on what kind of jobs you're going for, or you might just know already hah, but disregard if that's the case.

Unfortunately the system that weeds out applicants for me will score you based on your answers on the following; experience, knowledge/passion for movies, how far away you live and how open your availability is' - thankfully, it only autorejects the candidate if they score less than 10% - which I'd agree was totally unsuitable - you get that score by basically not being available for our busy days (weekends/holidays) and not living close enough to be able to get home safely late at night (unless you tick that you drive). After they pass, I get them on my system, highest scoring showing first. I'm not saying bullshit, especially with things like availability hah, but if the job you're applying for is a movie theatre and says "do you like movies?" just answer that you do and remember to research for interview init.

I've learned while hiring that the best scored candidate isn't necessarily the best choice, sometimes they will be naturally due to good experience and knowledge etc and it is an easier ride for training, but in my experience, they don't last as long because they get fed up of our shitty/samey place (mostly customer service) and move to somewhere grander and I'm hiring again before I know it. As much as I'd love for consistency and to uphold what it says in the job advertisement about being the best etc, for an entry level job, I literally just need you to be willing and keen, huge bonus points if you like movies because it just means you'll have something in common with the customers. My best staff have been those who have never had jobs before or are coming out of a long bought of unemployment as long as they can show me - so I guess, just don't be afraid to apply for something that's stating you need to be X, Y and Z because the hiring manager is usually just a poor manager trying to fill their team with willing to work people :D

Face to face interview scores you your behaviour (with us), experience comes into it a little bit, but like I said, you could tell me you've never had a retail job but still guess correctly what kind of behaviours you need to show with the customers. We score on confidence, eye contact, understanding of the job (which can be experience but not necessary), knowledge of duties (most people fail this, they tell me you need to smile, be friendly and stuff when actually I just wanna know that you understand you'll be selling tickets and snacks and picking up crap off the floor when people finish watching movies), how much you smiled and showed enthusiasm - that one's massive unfortunately and then availability.

In short, it's all just a big game isn't it and you gotta tick boxes. I genuinely don't give a crap what my staff do outside of work and how many friends they have and hobbies as long as they turn up on time, do a decent job, are friendly while they're on premises and carry that over to customers and carry out their job description with a positive attitude and cause me no hassle :D

PS: A solid google search will usually show up with what questions they ask you if you're going for a basic job with a big enough chain. Research and "enthusiastic" bullshit is key I think.

PPS: I hate movies and had no experience managing a whole cinema or HR and hiring - I got the job and have certificates proving I'm good at it which just proves, you can indeed BS a lot of things as long as you are confident you can learn.

Keep going, something will come up and they'll be lucky to have you.
I don't have enthusiasm, good that they have A FUCKING LOT of other personalities to choose from for the jobs!

I think that there are differences from place to place and manger to manager. When I entered my current field I arrived for a job from a poorly worded job advert and realised in the first 90 seconds of the interview that not only was I not qualified, I literally had never heard of the thing they were looking for someone to do. I knew I wasn’t going to get the job so I relaxed and just talked to the interviewer like a human and for some reason he decided to hire me anyway on the basis that I would learn. The manager I had for five years when I worked retail would hire the person he believed needed the chance the most. It but him in the ass over and over but he never moved from that policy, because for him the people for whom it made a real difference were worth all the people who threw it back in his face.

I am a hiring manager now and I hire people I believe can learn and are willing to work hard. I don’t care if they know how to do the job. I prefer mostly that they don’t have any experience so I can train them.

It’s a bad time right now in the job market. Too many people and not enough jobs. I do think that attitude matters and that it shows. I understand it is hard not to feel bitter and jaded but it’s hard to hide that kind of attitude too. Maybe it needs a new approach.
Yeah, but I'd rather die than lose my integrity. Sounds like an awesome guy, btw.

If it makes you feel any better regarding not being chosen for a warehouse job, I was told not to bother coming back to a warehouse job I had for a month or two. After I mentioned plans to go to college months down the road. I didn't fit into their "ideal employee" mold either.

Move on, keep looking, find something better. You can find work. I believe in you.
Thanks man, I'd like to have a job, but I think I'm the last on everyone's list at this point.




Oh, but I did actually take you guys' advice and improved my resume a bit. Said that I got high grades (which is technically true, maybe), and left out the whole "had to leave this job because bla bla bla, tried two educations but bla bla" focused on making up stuff that I had "learned" while working *hysterical*hysterical*hysterical like "communicating with your team" *rofl*rofl*rofl and "time management"*dance*dance*dance.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#16
Why else would he do it.
To help someone else, of course. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. I do shit for people all the time with no expectation of a payback or on the probability that it'll turn out poorly. Who cares? People need a chance to prove themselves.
 

Walker

Admin-a-monkey
ADMIN
SF Social Media
SF Author
SF Supporter
#17
Glad you've brushed up your CV man. Keep hunting. You can't be without a job forever. There's something waiting for you out there. Good luck.
 

Legate Lanius

Try not to kill yourself 2020 challenge.
#18
Glad you've brushed up your CV man. Keep hunting. You can't be without a job forever. There's something waiting for you out there. Good luck.
With an overpopulation of these proportions there are not even close to enough jobs for everyone. And someone with apathy at the core of their being, rather than the surface (such as myself) will be last on the list to get a job. I don't suffer, though, my family is supportive and that's all I need. Hope I can get a job, though, I would accept a job at fast food/ cleaning/ garbage disposal/ etc; they are simply not hiring.
 

Dark111

Scholar's Mate
SF Supporter
#19
To help someone else, of course. Not everyone has an ulterior motive. I do shit for people all the time with no expectation of a payback or on the probability that it'll turn out poorly. Who cares? People need a chance to prove themselves.
You know I can actually see your halo. It's hovering just a few mms above your avatar. I always imagined halos to have a golden sheen but yours is more of a brilliant white. Like phosphorous. It really is quite stunning.
 

Lane

SF Supporter
#20
To whom it may concern.

Good day, we at Soul-crushers Inc. are currently looking to hire a warehouse worker. The job will involve packing unnecessary shit into a cardboard box and placing it on a forklift. For this you will need to live up to the following:

1. Have at least 2 years of previous experience working in a warehouse. Putting a thing into a box is very difficult and it can take years of practice to completely master. It's not something you can just pick up overnight.
2. Have many close friends and a life-partner. We will ask you if you have these relationships during our tenth group interview on zoom (only around 50 applicants will have made it to this stage) to make sure that you're not some weirdo that has social problems. No friends? Say goodbye to working in our warehouse- yes we are actually like this!
3. Fulfill our flavor-of-the-month roulette of arbitrary characteristics so that our workplace has enough superficial differences between the people that pack garbage into boxes.
4. Make sure that you don't have any gaps in your resume, because some of the other 500 applicants don't.

Just make sure to be the top person out of five hundred, in short. If that's too hard, then you can't work and neither shall you eat!!!
Warehouses where I live start at $16 per hour and go up to $20 and more for overtime. You can pick your shifts in some. I think that they're not for everyone. But if you the physical work and people are pretty nice. I got fired for my mouth because if the unfairness at one place but there not bad gigs for people if you like it. It can be interesting work, how they're run and the teamwork involved.
 

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