I love New England, Massachusetts, Boston, Cambridge, The Cape, Nantucket and all the surrounding areas, it is where my family originated from, going back before the American revolution. Blue States, Democrats, Kennedys, Unitarianism in the U.S. was born in Boston. the history, the culture, everything about it, i even like the winters... all my family on my mother side all live there, Philadelphia, Princeton, Boston, Nantucket, Vermont, Maine. i belong there, not in this god awful state of Ohio that i presently live in...
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maybe we enjoy someone who is like us more. More on specific conceptual levels I mean. There's the shell of sexy and beauty, but it's the inside that we more desire.
From there we all differ obviously,.. maybe some like people who do things that are so different from themselves because they are able to do this thing(s) that maybe they themselves haven't been able to do/ allow themselves to do.
i guess the need to be respected and needed and able to share are prime parts of deeper relationships. they only work with clean complete honesty.
.. strange how so many allow themselves to conceal so much from their loved ones, over so many years, due to certain reasons. can you imagine complete honesty and devotion, combined with an utter lust for life. The ability for your partner to be their complete own, and yet still want to be with you and share their lives through it all. . . Sometimes i wonder about relationships. The concept of submitting aspects of our own freedom and exsistence to a mere whisper to appease a partner who cares not for those certain ways that you truly are. Why be with someone who is going to hamper you?
I know we live in a personal place of.. well. 'safe'. We walk the beginning steps, and if it's ok, we walk a few and create a circle to it, and stay close to that path because we know it's safe and we enjoy it. But isnt that the trail end of the beginning of the end of our exsistence? To always walk the same path conceptually, to deny ourselves feelings and experiences that will envoke new unknown reactions and feelings, and growth.
Structure and reality of society offer great options, for the new, or for the same old. Same with the structure and reality of nature. Our own drive and curiosity really make us who we are, .. ive forgotten who i am for a very long time, only recently reigniteing the crisp understanding of my desire from the blurred runny cloud its become. Makes me wonder how amazing our lives are.. i mean.. shut down every ambition, every desire to not conflict with the flows of others.. and yet you can still survive in our world. Guess that survival is the chance to take back who we are. To make what we do and feel dominate again and persistant instead of a wave of feeling that hits and then passes.
You ever get that? A feeling of yourself, but then it becomes dulled and before you know it, your exsistence which is fueled by your feelings and desires suddenly becomes second to a external flow? Someone or something elses?
There's so many ways to counteract that. But to flow naturally with life.. to bring warmth and strength with you to a situation and .. you know, not get sucked into another(s) flow..
You ever do something amasing with someone? Talk to someone about something so personal, so intriguing to you, so expansive yet so fragile? And you know you can say anything, do anything and this person will flow with you.. but not because they are submitting to your flow, but because they understand your flow, and are able to connect theirs with yours...
I donno.. to the depths of perception and realisitic openness and the desire for life... looking at the 'crazy' and the 'who cares' .. removeing those term definitions on something and seeing it for more than the simple generalized term that we define them.. like seeing something for the first time, no quick definitions, like.. standing beside it, your exsistence, its exsistence, and appricating it for what you can percieve of it... always being open to it's expansion, aswell as your own. Seeing it, and being yourself...
a grand outline heh.. the best parts are the challenges inside. all the love, all the excitement, all the jealousy, all the desire, all the lust, all the passion, every ounce of life... the unexpected, the freedom...
guess pure truth and the desire for life and to be and learn more.. ..being able to have a laugh, party, be wild, be yourself..
maybe, it's being more than just the moment, and at the sametime, being able to enjoy the moment with people .. fuck ramble...
From there we all differ obviously,.. maybe some like people who do things that are so different from themselves because they are able to do this thing(s) that maybe they themselves haven't been able to do/ allow themselves to do.
i guess the need to be respected and needed and able to share are prime parts of deeper relationships. they only work with clean complete honesty.
.. strange how so many allow themselves to conceal so much from their loved ones, over so many years, due to certain reasons. can you imagine complete honesty and devotion, combined with an utter lust for life. The ability for your partner to be their complete own, and yet still want to be with you and share their lives through it all. . . Sometimes i wonder about relationships. The concept of submitting aspects of our own freedom and exsistence to a mere whisper to appease a partner who cares not for those certain ways that you truly are. Why be with someone who is going to hamper you?
I know we live in a personal place of.. well. 'safe'. We walk the beginning steps, and if it's ok, we walk a few and create a circle to it, and stay close to that path because we know it's safe and we enjoy it. But isnt that the trail end of the beginning of the end of our exsistence? To always walk the same path conceptually, to deny ourselves feelings and experiences that will envoke new unknown reactions and feelings, and growth.
Structure and reality of society offer great options, for the new, or for the same old. Same with the structure and reality of nature. Our own drive and curiosity really make us who we are, .. ive forgotten who i am for a very long time, only recently reigniteing the crisp understanding of my desire from the blurred runny cloud its become. Makes me wonder how amazing our lives are.. i mean.. shut down every ambition, every desire to not conflict with the flows of others.. and yet you can still survive in our world. Guess that survival is the chance to take back who we are. To make what we do and feel dominate again and persistant instead of a wave of feeling that hits and then passes.
You ever get that? A feeling of yourself, but then it becomes dulled and before you know it, your exsistence which is fueled by your feelings and desires suddenly becomes second to a external flow? Someone or something elses?
There's so many ways to counteract that. But to flow naturally with life.. to bring warmth and strength with you to a situation and .. you know, not get sucked into another(s) flow..
You ever do something amasing with someone? Talk to someone about something so personal, so intriguing to you, so expansive yet so fragile? And you know you can say anything, do anything and this person will flow with you.. but not because they are submitting to your flow, but because they understand your flow, and are able to connect theirs with yours...
I donno.. to the depths of perception and realisitic openness and the desire for life... looking at the 'crazy' and the 'who cares' .. removeing those term definitions on something and seeing it for more than the simple generalized term that we define them.. like seeing something for the first time, no quick definitions, like.. standing beside it, your exsistence, its exsistence, and appricating it for what you can percieve of it... always being open to it's expansion, aswell as your own. Seeing it, and being yourself...
a grand outline heh.. the best parts are the challenges inside. all the love, all the excitement, all the jealousy, all the desire, all the lust, all the passion, every ounce of life... the unexpected, the freedom...
guess pure truth and the desire for life and to be and learn more.. ..being able to have a laugh, party, be wild, be yourself..
maybe, it's being more than just the moment, and at the sametime, being able to enjoy the moment with people .. fuck ramble...
i guess i'm defeatist
but after these years of nullifying celibacy and self disgust the opposite sex is effectively out of the equation
any lingering shred of self confidence is loooong gone,
for my own sanity ,because i dont want to torture myself over what i can't have i make myself not think about it
its just something meant for well adjusted normal guys
i feel like i don't deserve it &
i usally feel ashamed when attracted to someone, which being 23, is pretty regularly
hate it
but after these years of nullifying celibacy and self disgust the opposite sex is effectively out of the equation
any lingering shred of self confidence is loooong gone,
for my own sanity ,because i dont want to torture myself over what i can't have i make myself not think about it
its just something meant for well adjusted normal guys
i feel like i don't deserve it &
i usally feel ashamed when attracted to someone, which being 23, is pretty regularly
hate it
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G
I love your post Blake and I like rambles :smile:
I'm attracted to people who are just human and honest with who they are....with all the pain/misery/'negativity' that goes along with just being alive. I'm not afraid of that. I don't know. In general I love being around people and talking to them, so maybe I'm attracted to 'people' as a whole. But when it comes to close relationships...if I wanted things my way I'd erase being attracted to anyone. But I've tried for 11 months and that doesn't work.
I suppose there are lots of different type of attraction. There's a certain kind of attraction that is just weird that I've never ever felt before but this thread seems purely physical/sexual. I suppose in the general scheme of things I've been attracted to people who don't stick to their gender role but this one girl I remember when I was 15 (she had red hair, very boyish with freckles) she was really very cruel to me
sad. There was obvious sexual tension between us, we were both people who were obviously not straight but she wasn't similar to me (sucking up to authority/was really vile and had to make a big show of how she had a boyfriend in front of me :sad and she loved to make fun of how clumsy I was with the science equipment. Teenage crushes are sweet aren't they? Personality wise I don't think we'd have got on very well. She annoyed me a lot.
I'm attracted to people who are just human and honest with who they are....with all the pain/misery/'negativity' that goes along with just being alive. I'm not afraid of that. I don't know. In general I love being around people and talking to them, so maybe I'm attracted to 'people' as a whole. But when it comes to close relationships...if I wanted things my way I'd erase being attracted to anyone. But I've tried for 11 months and that doesn't work.
I suppose there are lots of different type of attraction. There's a certain kind of attraction that is just weird that I've never ever felt before but this thread seems purely physical/sexual. I suppose in the general scheme of things I've been attracted to people who don't stick to their gender role but this one girl I remember when I was 15 (she had red hair, very boyish with freckles) she was really very cruel to me
sad. There was obvious sexual tension between us, we were both people who were obviously not straight but she wasn't similar to me (sucking up to authority/was really vile and had to make a big show of how she had a boyfriend in front of me :sad and she loved to make fun of how clumsy I was with the science equipment. Teenage crushes are sweet aren't they? Personality wise I don't think we'd have got on very well. She annoyed me a lot.
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I have to honestly say that to me it does not matter. I have went out with the bad boys, the macho boys, the pretty boys. I have never been one that goes solely for the looks. What attracts me most is can the guy make me laugh and smile? Does he put a light in my eyes and a bounce in my step? I think it is more important on how he makes me feel.
I voted for "It doesn't really matter." But I've kinda noticed, if the guy's not intelligent, I rarely keep talking to them. I like to be able to have serious conversations, but still joke around. So without a sense of intelligence or humor, I pretty much won't give the guy a chance. I'm kinda, starting to like girls too. I haven't told anyone that lives by me, but a girl that's sweet and artsy always makes me giggle. >>; I like people that are a bit nerdy even. Nothing wrong with nerds. ;-;
It´s so easy to say what you´re attrackted and unattrackted to, but it´s just dividing people in parts. When you fall for someone, no matter wether you know him/her or not, you just don´t know why no matter how hard you ask yourself. Because it´s not you who´s fallen, it´s your own heart that has choosed this very person. I was in love with my boyfriend for nine months before we finally got together, and when he asked me what was it in him I found soooo attracktive, I just said "your whole being" "yeah but you didn´t know ANYTHING about me..?!" "- - - "
There´s always something special in that someone you find yourself attrackted to. And of course the annoying part if you dont know what the hell the reason is! :biggrin:
There´s always something special in that someone you find yourself attrackted to. And of course the annoying part if you dont know what the hell the reason is! :biggrin:
