-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
What are you currently doing?
- Thread starter Spearmint
- Start date
Thank you so much for these kind words of support, encouragement and reassurance, I really do appreciate it more than any words could ever express 
Ya I’m glad to say sis and I had a good and positive convo on Tuesday so I’m feeling much better about her and I now. It sounds like she pretty much doesn’t want me to tell her much in terms of “details” of my life, but I understand what she meant because she is the only person of my gender, and fairly “near my age” that I ever get to talk to in real life. It wasn’t fair of me to try to get all that I’m so starved for from her, so I will just have to tell her very surface level things only. It will be very hard but I think I can do it, sure gonna try very hard when we go there at Christmas that’s for sure.
Anyway thank you for helping me have faith with all of it and saying it’ll be ok no matter what cos I didn’t just lay down and put up with that without saying anything. I’m damn glad and proud that I said it and didn’t let the fear of whatever judgments she made on me for “bringing it up at all” stop me from saying what I needed to say. Best to just avoid there being any conflicts at all with her as much as possible imo, and to do that I pretty much just have to shove all my own needs away. Seems to be more or less what she was saying to me, but that’s pretty typical for most of my family so I should really just be used to that by now. I can do the whole robot act when I need to, I kinda hate and resent it deeply, but I need my relationship with her to stay as strong as it possibly can, and as far as I can tell that’s the only way to make sure that can happen. Guess it could always be worse though.
Ya I’m glad to say sis and I had a good and positive convo on Tuesday so I’m feeling much better about her and I now. It sounds like she pretty much doesn’t want me to tell her much in terms of “details” of my life, but I understand what she meant because she is the only person of my gender, and fairly “near my age” that I ever get to talk to in real life. It wasn’t fair of me to try to get all that I’m so starved for from her, so I will just have to tell her very surface level things only. It will be very hard but I think I can do it, sure gonna try very hard when we go there at Christmas that’s for sure.Anyway thank you for helping me have faith with all of it and saying it’ll be ok no matter what cos I didn’t just lay down and put up with that without saying anything. I’m damn glad and proud that I said it and didn’t let the fear of whatever judgments she made on me for “bringing it up at all” stop me from saying what I needed to say. Best to just avoid there being any conflicts at all with her as much as possible imo, and to do that I pretty much just have to shove all my own needs away. Seems to be more or less what she was saying to me, but that’s pretty typical for most of my family so I should really just be used to that by now. I can do the whole robot act when I need to, I kinda hate and resent it deeply, but I need my relationship with her to stay as strong as it possibly can, and as far as I can tell that’s the only way to make sure that can happen. Guess it could always be worse though.
Thank you, me too for sure. Yup I do feel relieved that we at least had a more open conversation, and that my feelings were addressed in a more direct way. There was no way I could just let what she said stand without being given a fair chance to ask for clarity on it.
Aw thank you for the support and encouragement about being glad I’m not gonna take crap from people, and ya from what she said it did sound like she wanted me to be much less “myself” and less open about talking about things. I agree that it’s not right for someone to make someone feel that way, but I think what she was ultimately trying to say was that she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with any “more” other than her own stuff right now, and that I do get. It’s kinda the same for me in some ways, but if someone is sharing “more” than I feel I can deal with, I try to just “let them know” as soon as I can. It’s hard for her to do that I guess. Yup, I am glad to know I don’t have to tamper down my feelings to suit others needs here at least, thank you, I definitely appreciate that more than I can say I’m so grateful for this site for sure, it has helped me so much over the years and I dunno what I’d do without it, and all the priceless support it has given me over the years.
Aw thank you for the support and encouragement about being glad I’m not gonna take crap from people, and ya from what she said it did sound like she wanted me to be much less “myself” and less open about talking about things. I agree that it’s not right for someone to make someone feel that way, but I think what she was ultimately trying to say was that she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with any “more” other than her own stuff right now, and that I do get. It’s kinda the same for me in some ways, but if someone is sharing “more” than I feel I can deal with, I try to just “let them know” as soon as I can. It’s hard for her to do that I guess. Yup, I am glad to know I don’t have to tamper down my feelings to suit others needs here at least, thank you, I definitely appreciate that more than I can say
I’m so grateful for this site for sure, it has helped me so much over the years and I dunno what I’d do without it, and all the priceless support it has given me over the years.
Thank you, me too for sure. Yup I do feel relieved that we at least had a more open conversation, and that my feelings were addressed in a more direct way. There was no way I could just let what she said stand without being given a fair chance to ask for clarity on it.
Aw thank you for the support and encouragement about being glad I’m not gonna take crap from people, and ya from what she said it did sound like she wanted me to be much less “myself” and less open about talking about things. I agree that it’s not right for someone to make someone feel that way, but I think what she was ultimately trying to say was that she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with any “more” other than her own stuff right now, and that I do get. It’s kinda the same for me in some ways, but if someone is sharing “more” than I feel I can deal with, I try to just “let them know” as soon as I can. It’s hard for her to do that I guess. Yup, I am glad to know I don’t have to tamper down my feelings to suit others needs here at least, thank you, I definitely appreciate that more than I can say I’m so grateful for this site for sure, it has helped me so much over the years and I dunno what I’d do without it, and all the priceless support it has given me over the years.
Aw thank you for the support and encouragement about being glad I’m not gonna take crap from people, and ya from what she said it did sound like she wanted me to be much less “myself” and less open about talking about things. I agree that it’s not right for someone to make someone feel that way, but I think what she was ultimately trying to say was that she doesn’t have the emotional capacity to deal with any “more” other than her own stuff right now, and that I do get. It’s kinda the same for me in some ways, but if someone is sharing “more” than I feel I can deal with, I try to just “let them know” as soon as I can. It’s hard for her to do that I guess. Yup, I am glad to know I don’t have to tamper down my feelings to suit others needs here at least, thank you, I definitely appreciate that more than I can say
I’m so grateful for this site for sure, it has helped me so much over the years and I dunno what I’d do without it, and all the priceless support it has given me over the years.
Yeah that's not really a good thing to say to someone, that they have to act like less of themselves. She expects you to suppress your emotions and I feel like that's wrong. I wouldn't do that to you, because I care about your feelings and it's better to let them out than keep them inside. I'm glad that the site has helped you and I'm glad that you are a part of it.
I agree, asking someone to suppress their emotions is wrong, I would not do that either. Thank you, I’m very glad and grateful that you’d never ask me to do that, same to you of course. Always better to express things instead of bottling them up for sure. Thank you, I’m glad the site has helped me too and aw well I am glad you are a part of it too of course
Yup, I agree for sure. Ya I don’t like or want to have to suppress my feelings either, but that did seem to be the gist of what she was saying to me. Like “don’t express yourself fully or share your real feelings about things, lest it cause me to feel exhausted” like wow. I could NEVER say a thing like that to her, no way, not ever. Anyway we are very different people I guess, and that has only become more pronounced since she has been with…him.
I agree, asking someone to suppress their emotions is wrong, I would not do that either. Thank you, I’m very glad and grateful that you’d never ask me to do that, same to you of course. Always better to express things instead of bottling them up for sure. Thank you, I’m glad the site has helped me too and aw well I am glad you are a part of it too of course
I agree, asking someone to suppress their emotions is wrong, I would not do that either. Thank you, I’m very glad and grateful that you’d never ask me to do that, same to you of course. Always better to express things instead of bottling them up for sure. Thank you, I’m glad the site has helped me too and aw well I am glad you are a part of it too of course
Thank you, I really do appreciate you being so understanding about this, it’s helping me feel like my feelings about all of it matter which is of course very valuable and priceless
You’re exactly right that people have a broad range of emotions, and it would be far better and kinder if she was more willing to be open, loving and unconditionally accepting about that fact instead of trying to stifle to suit her own needs, which feels quite selfish, and yes, also rude like you said. One good thing about it is it’s actually making me feel glad that she’s moved so far away now cos it means having to be around such toxic energy a lot less.
Yes, I’ve tried hard to always be there for her when she needs me, hasn’t felt like she’s ever really needed me though. She has lotsa of friends so that’s probably why. Also she is definitely not a “sentimental” person so maybe that’s part of it too. She has always been kinda hard for me to understand when it comes to her lack of feelings about most things. She is just kind of emotionally shut down, a lot like our dad really. Thank you for saying it doesn’t make you feel exhausted to help me with things though, I appreciate that, and same to you of course
You’re exactly right that people have a broad range of emotions, and it would be far better and kinder if she was more willing to be open, loving and unconditionally accepting about that fact instead of trying to stifle to suit her own needs, which feels quite selfish, and yes, also rude like you said. One good thing about it is it’s actually making me feel glad that she’s moved so far away now cos it means having to be around such toxic energy a lot less.
Yes, I’ve tried hard to always be there for her when she needs me, hasn’t felt like she’s ever really needed me though. She has lotsa of friends so that’s probably why. Also she is definitely not a “sentimental” person so maybe that’s part of it too. She has always been kinda hard for me to understand when it comes to her lack of feelings about most things. She is just kind of emotionally shut down, a lot like our dad really. Thank you for saying it doesn’t make you feel exhausted to help me with things though, I appreciate that, and same to you of course
Thank you, I really do appreciate you being so understanding about this, it’s helping me feel like my feelings about all of it matter which is of course very valuable and priceless
You’re exactly right that people have a broad range of emotions, and it would be far better and kinder if she was more willing to be open, loving and unconditionally accepting about that fact instead of trying to stifle to suit her own needs, which feels quite selfish, and yes, also rude like you said. One good thing about it is it’s actually making me feel glad that she’s moved so far away now cos it means having to be around such toxic energy a lot less.
Yes, I’ve tried hard to always be there for her when she needs me, hasn’t felt like she’s ever really needed me though. She has lotsa of friends so that’s probably why. Also she is definitely not a “sentimental” person so maybe that’s part of it too. She has always been kinda hard for me to understand when it comes to her lack of feelings about most things. She is just kind of emotionally shut down, a lot like our dad really. Thank you for saying it doesn’t make you feel exhausted to help me with things though, I appreciate that, and same to you of course
You’re exactly right that people have a broad range of emotions, and it would be far better and kinder if she was more willing to be open, loving and unconditionally accepting about that fact instead of trying to stifle to suit her own needs, which feels quite selfish, and yes, also rude like you said. One good thing about it is it’s actually making me feel glad that she’s moved so far away now cos it means having to be around such toxic energy a lot less.
Yes, I’ve tried hard to always be there for her when she needs me, hasn’t felt like she’s ever really needed me though. She has lotsa of friends so that’s probably why. Also she is definitely not a “sentimental” person so maybe that’s part of it too. She has always been kinda hard for me to understand when it comes to her lack of feelings about most things. She is just kind of emotionally shut down, a lot like our dad really. Thank you for saying it doesn’t make you feel exhausted to help me with things though, I appreciate that, and same to you of course
Agreed about the basic kindness and that people need to do that more often. Ya it’s unfortunate that it seems to be so hard for some people, but I guess all we can do is just try to avoid them as much as possible.
Ya I’ve never thought of my lil sis as “selfish” but my rl friend has kinda implied that he thinks that about her too, saying she seems “very caught up in her own life”, I am definitely seeing and realizing that a lot more than ever before these days.
I think it’s a real shame that his (her husband’s) negative, toxic energy has influenced her and rubbed off on her so much, but yup it definitely has. She sent me a text last night and I just do not want to deal with some of it or reply. I literally already said to her that I would “let her know when I did” the thing she was asking about. Zero bloody acknowledgment about me saying that, just went right ahead and asked (feels more like nagging which I do not appreciate at all) about it, again. Think whenever I reply that I’m just gonna skip over that part, I don’t like to skip over things (prefer to acknowledge as much as I possibly can) but she needs to know and understand that she cannot be pushy with me and that it will not get her anywhere or be responded to. Not cool at all, I would never do that to her. A person saying “I’ll let you know when I do” is an extremely obvious “nice” way of saying “please back off and don’t ask me about it again” imo. Anyway some people just can’t read between the lines I guess so whatever.
Yup my guess is deep down, she actually does know exactly how negative and toxic he is and feels trapped. Can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be married to someone like him, in that way I feel VERY bad for her. I hope she will be able to be free of him soon, she will definitely be far better off without his toxic negativity influencing her for sure. Thanks for saying I shouldn’t feel bad about it though, I appreciate the reassurance very much
Ya I’ve never thought of my lil sis as “selfish” but my rl friend has kinda implied that he thinks that about her too, saying she seems “very caught up in her own life”, I am definitely seeing and realizing that a lot more than ever before these days.
I think it’s a real shame that his (her husband’s) negative, toxic energy has influenced her and rubbed off on her so much, but yup it definitely has. She sent me a text last night and I just do not want to deal with some of it or reply. I literally already said to her that I would “let her know when I did” the thing she was asking about. Zero bloody acknowledgment about me saying that, just went right ahead and asked (feels more like nagging which I do not appreciate at all) about it, again. Think whenever I reply that I’m just gonna skip over that part, I don’t like to skip over things (prefer to acknowledge as much as I possibly can) but she needs to know and understand that she cannot be pushy with me and that it will not get her anywhere or be responded to. Not cool at all, I would never do that to her. A person saying “I’ll let you know when I do” is an extremely obvious “nice” way of saying “please back off and don’t ask me about it again” imo. Anyway some people just can’t read between the lines I guess so whatever.
Yup my guess is deep down, she actually does know exactly how negative and toxic he is and feels trapped. Can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be married to someone like him, in that way I feel VERY bad for her. I hope she will be able to be free of him soon, she will definitely be far better off without his toxic negativity influencing her for sure. Thanks for saying I shouldn’t feel bad about it though, I appreciate the reassurance very much
Agreed about the basic kindness and that people need to do that more often. Ya it’s unfortunate that it seems to be so hard for some people, but I guess all we can do is just try to avoid them as much as possible.
Ya I’ve never thought of my lil sis as “selfish” but my rl friend has kinda implied that he thinks that about her too, saying she seems “very caught up in her own life”, I am definitely seeing and realizing that a lot more than ever before these days.
I think it’s a real shame that his (her husband’s) negative, toxic energy has influenced her and rubbed off on her so much, but yup it definitely has. She sent me a text last night and I just do not want to deal with some of it or reply. I literally already said to her that I would “let her know when I did” the thing she was asking about. Zero bloody acknowledgment about me saying that, just went right ahead and asked (feels more like nagging which I do not appreciate at all) about it, again. Think whenever I reply that I’m just gonna skip over that part, I don’t like to skip over things (prefer to acknowledge as much as I possibly can) but she needs to know and understand that she cannot be pushy with me and that it will not get her anywhere or be responded to. Not cool at all, I would never do that to her. A person saying “I’ll let you know when I do” is an extremely obvious “nice” way of saying “please back off and don’t ask me about it again” imo. Anyway some people just can’t read between the lines I guess so whatever.
Yup my guess is deep down, she actually does know exactly how negative and toxic he is and feels trapped. Can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be married to someone like him, in that way I feel VERY bad for her. I hope she will be able to be free of him soon, she will definitely be far better off without his toxic negativity influencing her for sure. Thanks for saying I shouldn’t feel bad about it though, I appreciate the reassurance very much
Ya I’ve never thought of my lil sis as “selfish” but my rl friend has kinda implied that he thinks that about her too, saying she seems “very caught up in her own life”, I am definitely seeing and realizing that a lot more than ever before these days.
I think it’s a real shame that his (her husband’s) negative, toxic energy has influenced her and rubbed off on her so much, but yup it definitely has. She sent me a text last night and I just do not want to deal with some of it or reply. I literally already said to her that I would “let her know when I did” the thing she was asking about. Zero bloody acknowledgment about me saying that, just went right ahead and asked (feels more like nagging which I do not appreciate at all) about it, again. Think whenever I reply that I’m just gonna skip over that part, I don’t like to skip over things (prefer to acknowledge as much as I possibly can) but she needs to know and understand that she cannot be pushy with me and that it will not get her anywhere or be responded to. Not cool at all, I would never do that to her. A person saying “I’ll let you know when I do” is an extremely obvious “nice” way of saying “please back off and don’t ask me about it again” imo. Anyway some people just can’t read between the lines I guess so whatever.
Yup my guess is deep down, she actually does know exactly how negative and toxic he is and feels trapped. Can’t even imagine how hard it must be to be married to someone like him, in that way I feel VERY bad for her. I hope she will be able to be free of him soon, she will definitely be far better off without his toxic negativity influencing her for sure. Thanks for saying I shouldn’t feel bad about it though, I appreciate the reassurance very much
Same here for sure. Yup, agreed about my sis needing a bit of a reality check, and also that it doesn't seem like she'll get one any time soon. I agree it's sad, but just doing my best to not think about it or even focus on it really. Now that she lives further away than ever before like that already did change the dynamic of some things anyway so I guess it has just also become a bit psychological now as well. Feeling kinda done worrying so much about it tbh, her and I are clearly just extremely different people with different values in a lot of ways.
Yup exactly, can only wish and hope that things will change with her at some point, but also prepare myself that it might not happen. It will be hard but yup, best thing to do for my own sanity, I've had to face lotsa hard realities in my life before so this is just another one. If anything I outta be grateful and welcome the chance to show myself my own strength, so gonna do my best to think of it in a positive way and just as a challenge and nothing more than that I know I've already said this a bunch of times, especially recently lol, but thank you again very much for all your kindness, patience, encouragement and understanding about all of this, it's been a confusing and upsetting experience for me but I like to think it has ultimately helped me become a stronger and better person as well
Yup exactly, can only wish and hope that things will change with her at some point, but also prepare myself that it might not happen. It will be hard but yup, best thing to do for my own sanity, I've had to face lotsa hard realities in my life before so this is just another one. If anything I outta be grateful and welcome the chance to show myself my own strength, so gonna do my best to think of it in a positive way and just as a challenge and nothing more than that
I know I've already said this a bunch of times, especially recently lol, but thank you again very much for all your kindness, patience, encouragement and understanding about all of this, it's been a confusing and upsetting experience for me but I like to think it has ultimately helped me become a stronger and better person as well
Same here for sure. Yup, agreed about my sis needing a bit of a reality check, and also that it doesn't seem like she'll get one any time soon. I agree it's sad, but just doing my best to not think about it or even focus on it really. Now that she lives further away than ever before like that already did change the dynamic of some things anyway so I guess it has just also become a bit psychological now as well. Feeling kinda done worrying so much about it tbh, her and I are clearly just extremely different people with different values in a lot of ways.
Yup exactly, can only wish and hope that things will change with her at some point, but also prepare myself that it might not happen. It will be hard but yup, best thing to do for my own sanity, I've had to face lotsa hard realities in my life before so this is just another one. If anything I outta be grateful and welcome the chance to show myself my own strength, so gonna do my best to think of it in a positive way and just as a challenge and nothing more than that I know I've already said this a bunch of times, especially recently lol, but thank you again very much for all your kindness, patience, encouragement and understanding about all of this, it's been a confusing and upsetting experience for me but I like to think it has ultimately helped me become a stronger and better person as well
Yup exactly, can only wish and hope that things will change with her at some point, but also prepare myself that it might not happen. It will be hard but yup, best thing to do for my own sanity, I've had to face lotsa hard realities in my life before so this is just another one. If anything I outta be grateful and welcome the chance to show myself my own strength, so gonna do my best to think of it in a positive way and just as a challenge and nothing more than that
I know I've already said this a bunch of times, especially recently lol, but thank you again very much for all your kindness, patience, encouragement and understanding about all of this, it's been a confusing and upsetting experience for me but I like to think it has ultimately helped me become a stronger and better person as well
It sucks when family members act like that, but family doesn't always have to be blood related and you can choose the people that you want to be close to. Just don't spend too much energy worrying about her because she clearly isn't willing to change right now. You're welcome of course, I always want to be here for you. Especially when the people who should be there are giving you trouble. I'm glad it has made you stronger though, that's always a plus.
Aw well that’s really kind of you to say, and I always want to be here for you too of course
Thanks for the support about it making me stronger and being glad for that, that definitely means a lot to me, especially right now.
Yup, for sure it does suck when they act like that. You’re right that family doesn’t always have to be blood related and that you can choose the people you want to be close to. You’re also right that it’s best for me to not spend too much time or energy worrying about my sis cos she’s not willing to change at this time.
Aw well that’s really kind of you to say, and I always want to be here for you too of course Thanks for the support about it making me stronger and being glad for that, that definitely means a lot to me, especially right now.
Aw well that’s really kind of you to say, and I always want to be here for you too of course
Thanks for the support about it making me stronger and being glad for that, that definitely means a lot to me, especially right now.