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What did my dad do? And why do I want to know

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#1
My dad abused my sisters when they were younger, 4 of them, he never touched me or my little sister and I had no idea what was going on, I'm 21 now but all of this came out when I was about 11 I think? I can't fully remember what happened I one of my sisters must have told another and then they all realised it wasn't just the one maybe? I have no idea because I was only asked if it had happened to me and social care services confirmed it hadn't and then my sisters dropped the claims and nothing happened, my aunt says they were lying but dad admitted that he abused them. I still don't know exactly what happened to them though, is it weird that I want to? Like why did he do to them and how and for how long and when did it start and end? I have so many questions about it and I can't ask anyone or talk about it because it's not to be brought up but I can't stop thinking about it from time to time and then I worry about my younger sister with him, she's 18, and then I see him sometimes looking at young girls who walk by the car when we're out shopping or whatever and it just brings everything up again
 

Luoma

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#2
Hello Niamh, I am so sorry to hear about these circumstances. It must be very hard to have to not only hear about this as a part of the family, but also have the continual worry that something is going on.

I definitely do not think it is weird to want to know the truth. I think, especially as the older sibling, you want to understand the situation to potentially move forwards. That is very kind of you to look after them like this. Unfortunately, this is the case with many people who are abuse victims; they shut themselves off from the world and do not ever want to open up about it because it's a very painful scab to pick. It can stir up many memories that are not pleasant at all.

However, it is said that you cannot understand where you are going if you do not understand where you came from. I think it would be a very good thing, at least for yourself and even your sisters to have some closure, to talk perhaps about what happened. It'll be painful and can bring out a lot of negative things, but quite honestly, if you keep things bottled up inside you for a long time - especially sexual abuse - it can turn into some very horrific PTSD later on in life.

Take care out there, and stay safe.
 

DrownedFishOnFire

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#4
Trying to work out memories myself of molestation from the babysitter when I was a kid, a lot of the memories that kept reappearing never made any sense. I have asked a lot of questions and never got anywhere. The physical scars I have gotten , a quick glimpse of random stuff that I have no idea and trying to piece together the puzzle to put my mind at ease isn't even getting me anywhere so I do understand how confusing it is trying to make sense of anything.

Perhaps some of your sisters can give you more pieces of the puzzle for your situation to help make sense of anything
 
#5
Sorry to hear this



Did anything happen after he admitted to sexually abusing your sisters?

Can you talk to your sisters about this?
Nothing happened when he admitted it, not that I remember anyway, I remember him telling by saying that everything my sisters were saying was true but I was never actually told what my sisters were specifically accusing him of. One strong memory I have is my eldest sister saying "he never forced us to do stuff or anything", I took that as evidence enough, she was clearly trying to minimise the seriousness of whatever happened to her, kind of down playing it and placing the blame on herself because she was never told she didn't have to do anything but obviously she didn't want whatever happened to her and she was a minor so it's statutory
 
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