What should I do with my fear of social interaction?

[ChimeraMonster]

yesterday, I got yelled at by my parents for being 'useless', because I have been doing nothing for the last 4 months. The thing is, I have been trying to avoid any social interaction, anything at all. But this made everything worse, and now my parents are at the edge. They aren't the type of listening to the others psychological problems, so I can't explain to them about it.
They want me to get a job and go learn something useful, btw.

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

Well, personally i'd say the answer is compromise. Ultimately, avoiding social interaction entirely can be harmful, so it's definitely something to work on, even if just a little. I'm definitely not just saying "get out there and deal with people", because i understand how difficult that can be, and that not everyone needs to be around people 24/7 to be happy. But cutting yourself off entirely isn't healthy. For that i'd suggest trying simple things like going to the shop or attending a small group event related to an interest, like a card game. But most of all i'd say that there are plenty of areas you can work in that don't require you to deal with other people much at all. Do you have any creative interests? Would you enjoy working with computers? Is there a particular interest you could see yourself making videos or writing articles about?

Although, is some form of lockdown a factor here? Because if so then my answer would be that it's pointless to worry about right now, since even if you wanted to do these things that wouldn't really be an option at the moment.

 

[ChimeraMonster]

Well, personally i'd say the answer is compromise. Ultimately, avoiding social interaction entirely can be harmful, so it's definitely something to work on, even if just a little. I'm definitely not just saying "get out there and deal with people", because i understand how difficult that can be, and that not everyone needs to be around people 24/7 to be happy. But cutting yourself off entirely isn't healthy. For that i'd suggest trying simple things like going to the shop or attending a small group event related to an interest, like a card game. But most of all i'd say that there are plenty of areas you can work in that don't require you to deal with other people much at all. Do you have any creative interests? Would you enjoy working with computers? Is there a particular interest you could see yourself making videos or writing articles about?

Although, is some form of lockdown a factor here? Because if so then my answer would be that it's pointless to worry about right now, since even if you wanted to do these things that wouldn't really be an option at the moment.

So yeah, lockdown is happening right now, but Idk how much my parents are willing to wait to put me on a random job on the economic areas that are still active. My parents want me to go to another college, but going to a college is too pressure for me too, so idrk what to do.

I have knowledge on computers/programming, and yeah, it does interest me a lot, but I'm not sure if i could do something in that area, since I never did a college, and everything I learned is self-taught. I like drawing a lot, but I don't have the tools needed to study and to pratice it.

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

So yeah, lockdown is happening right now, but Idk how much my parents are willing to wait to put me on a random job on the economic areas that are still active. My parents want me to go to another college, but going to a college is too pressure for me too, so idrk what to do.

I have knowledge on computers/programming, and yeah, it does interest me a lot, but I'm not sure if i could do something in that area, since I never did a college, and everything I learned is self-taught. I like drawing a lot, but I don't have the tools needed to study and to pratice it.

Well, straight off the bat i'd say you have a perfectly valid reason to ask for some time. If there's a lockdown in effect then it's kind of unreasonable for them to expect you to get out a lot and get a job at a time where most people aren't allowed to get out and where there aren't many jobs going around. So the first thing i would do is say "i intend to work on it, but it's not really something i can do that much about while still on lockdown."

As for education and skills, have you considered doing some kind of online course in computing? If you've already taught yourself a bunch of the needed skills, then it would be easier for you than most, and that way, you could remain at home and interact with people very little, you'd just need to do any reading that got recommended, do some project work, and sit the occasional test. And then you'd have a qualification that, if coupled with some programmes you made in your spare time to form a portfolio, could qualify you to find some kind of entry-level coding job where you could work from home and send your code in via the internet. Not sure how much that plan appeals, but it is a way you could get qualified and find a job while barely ever having to leave the house or deal with people. The tech industry is often really good at accommodating workers who don't do great with people.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

they shouldn't have called you useless, im sorry thats horrible. I have social anxiety too that my family also don't understand. I've never had a job because of it and I'm 28.. well to be fair it's not just because of anxiety I also have a chronic physical illness which makes finding a job hard too as I can spend months every year disabled/bedbound so unable to work anyway.

my social anxiety used to be a lot worse though, to the point I couldnt order food or pay for stuff in a shop or use public transport. with practice I can now do all those things, even if I still feel nervous sometimes. I find I need to keep it maintained by forcing myself to do little social things every couple of weeks or so to keep it under control a bit otherwise it would make me never leave the house. I make myself go to a shop every couple of weeks so I have to face talking to strangers. at first it was terrifying but with practice it got easier. I can't do that now of course with lockdown which is one thing I'm worrying about because I'm out of practice and will find it harder to face again but yeah, try to practice social interactions very small steps at a time and gradually as the months or years go on it will get easier

 

[ChimeraMonster]

yeah, I will try to talk with them when they calm down

As for education and skills, have you considered doing some kind of online course in computing? If you've already taught yourself a bunch of the needed skills, then it would be easier for you than most, and that way, you could remain at home and interact with people very little, you'd just need to do any reading that got recommended, do some project work, and sit the occasional test. And then you'd have a qualification that, if coupled with some programmes you made in your spare time to form a portfolio, could qualify you to find some kind of entry-level coding job where you could work from home and send your code in via the internet. Not sure how much that plan appeals, but it is a way you could get qualified and find a job while barely ever having to leave the house or deal with people. The tech industry is often really good at accommodating workers who don't do great with people.

about the courses, I do have two of them, but just the basic ones, because they're free. I though about doing some programs, but idrk what for. Any tiny project would help, but I'm still searching for ideas. I can do basic web development/system development. But nothing more than that.

 

[ChimeraMonster]

they shouldn't have called you useless, im sorry thats horrible. I have social anxiety too that my family also don't understand. I've never had a job because of it and I'm 28.. well to be fair it's not just because of anxiety I also have a chronic physical illness which makes finding a job hard too as I can spend months every year disabled/bedbound so unable to work anyway.

my social anxiety used to be a lot worse though, to the point I couldnt order food or pay for stuff in a shop or use public transport. with practice I can now do all those things, even if I still feel nervous sometimes. I find I need to keep it maintained by forcing myself to do little social things every couple of weeks or so to keep it under control a bit otherwise it would make me never leave the house. I make myself go to a shop every couple of weeks so I have to face talking to strangers. at first it was terrifying but with practice it got easier. I can't do that now of course with lockdown which is one thing I'm worrying about because I'm out of practice and will find it harder to face again but yeah, try to practice social interactions very small steps at a time and gradually as the months or years go on it will get easier

My social anxiety is basically that, I have anxiety tachycardia every time I get my feet outside. Every time i think about getting to talk to people, I can't breathe, and my stomach aches as if I had a thousand snakes on it. Sometimes i think I am going to pass out.

In the end, lockdown just made everything shittier, but, at the same time, gave me time to think about things

 

[Lisa the Ferrociraptor]

about the courses, I do have two of them, but just the basic ones, because they're free. I though about doing some programs, but idrk what for. Any tiny project would help, but I'm still searching for ideas. I can do basic web development/system development. But nothing more than that.

Maybe you could try a course to further improve your web dev skills. Web developers can make quite a lot of money, they can do everything online, and the only interaction required with others is to get a sense of what they want from the website. As for projects, there are lots of different ideas. You could make a program that interprets data and forms it into usable graphs, you could try some C# and make a basic game in Unity, or maybe you could try to learn some new more complicated things you can do in Javascript or HTML. Generally once you've learned one coding language, learning another isn't too bad, the major obstacle is just adjusting to a different paradigm.

 

[ChimeraMonster]

Maybe you could try a course to further improve your web dev skills. Web developers can make quite a lot of money, they can do everything online, and the only interaction required with others is to get a sense of what they want from the website. As for projects, there are lots of different ideas. You could make a program that interprets data and forms it into usable graphs, you could try some C# and make a basic game in Unity, or maybe you could try to learn some new more complicated things you can do in Javascript or HTML. Generally once you've learned one coding language, learning another isn't too bad, the major obstacle is just adjusting to a different paradigm.

I didnt really talk about the languages, but i know basics about Java, C#, C++, Javascript (HTML5 CSS etc). And can work a bit with some frameworks on javascript, like react/react native. But the strings are all lose, and I don't really know how to tie them up. I get anxious on thinking about projects. So it normally goes slow

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

My social anxiety is basically that, I have anxiety tachycardia every time I get my feet outside. Every time i think about getting to talk to people, I can't breathe, and my stomach aches as if I had a thousand snakes on it. Sometimes i think I am going to pass out.

In the end, lockdown just made everything shittier, but, at the same time, gave me time to think about things

sounds like agoraphobia too maybe? I have that too but also try to keep it under control by practising "exposure therapy". im sorry, that sounds really bad. I don't think I've ever had social anxiety to that extent. it can make me feel sick and panicky but I've never felt light-headed or had stomach pain. actually there was one time I think I had a panic attack or something from social anxiety. I went to a big shop alone and I felt so overwhelmed from being around people I felt a bit dizzy and faint and had to hide in an empty aisle and crouch on the floor until I calmed down.

 

[ChimeraMonster]

sounds like agoraphobia too maybe? I have that too but also try to keep it under control by practising "exposure therapy". im sorry, that sounds really bad. I don't think I've ever had social anxiety to that extent. it can make me feel sick and panicky but I've never felt light-headed or had stomach pain. actually there was one time I think I had a panic attack or something from social anxiety. I went to a big shop alone and I felt so overwhelmed from being around people I felt a bit dizzy and faint and had to hide in an empty aisle and crouch on the floor until I calmed down.

I know how it feels, Im so sorry you had to pass through it too. Never though that I could be afraid of .... well, being afraid and panicking , but it could be. When i get to see my therapist, i will talk to her about it. I could really be a possibility.

 

[lost_in_a_fairytale]

I know how it feels, Im so sorry you had to pass through it too. Never though that I could be afraid of .... well, being afraid and panicking , but it could be. When i get to see my therapist, i will talk to her about it. I could really be a possibility.

I hope you can figure things out and things get easier