What to do?

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Y

yorkie bar

Well-Known Member
#41
#41
I'm technically self employed, so although some companies have a set date, most, in this economic environment, tend to pay you when they feel like it, if at all. I have done work, i've never been paid for. I'm working for a new comnpany at the moment, and i have this niggling feeling, are they actually going to pay me, as i've been working for them for 7 weeks, and have'nt received anything yet, which means i'm already out of pocket, with 'up front' expenses. And now my 'boss' has insisted they pay me more, because i've been working so hard for them - hmm we shall see.

I wish i had the security of knowing i had a set amount of pay on a set date, like most people do.
 
IV2010

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#42
#42
that way of paying you when they feel like it stinks...
is there any way you can request your pay?...say with an account to them?..
I see you have an appointment with your doc.....that's good...please keep it....
take care...hugs
 
S

Scum

Well-Known Member
#44
#44
It will be a struggle, but you CAN do it. Its ok and normal to be scared. I would be more worried if you weren't scared. we'll be here and waiting, and willing you on!
 
A

Avarice

Well-Known Member
#45
#45
Can't you try finding a job that offers a set wage where you get paid every month or something? I've never really heard of jobs that just pay you when they feel like it, everyone I know gets paid a set amount on a set date. I wouldn't be able to live with that risk. ]=
 
Y

yorkie bar

Well-Known Member
#46
#46
Scum said:
It will be a struggle, but you CAN do it. Its ok and normal to be scared. I would be more worried if you weren't scared. we'll be here and waiting, and willing you on!
Click to expand...

Yep, maybe i was at that point, and it was safe at that point, not wanting to know, trying to ignore it.I Now i don't like it. I've hardly slept, its been on my mind all night. I feel totaly wrecked.

Regards my job, i've worked in it for 25 years. Its difficult to get a job at any age, in this economic climate, let alone my age, thats why i'm trying so hard, to hold on to it.
 
Y

yorkie bar

Well-Known Member
#50
#50
Scum said:
Thinking of you today!
Click to expand...


Thankyou Scum and IV2010

Believe it or not, i've not been in long. My train was cancelled, before we reached the final destination, becuase there were no toilets working,( they'd been out of order since 8.30am). It could only happen in this country,so i was late for my appointment. I was almost about to do a runner, when my name came up on the screen.

I don't know how i feel at the moment, because i'm so tired, but it really is, What to do? There should'nt be any choice really. Any 'normal' person would'nt even be asking the question, would they? They would just go for life saving treatment.

The doctor said she had'nt spoken to the consultant, but she said he's, the, best. They need to take a big chunk ,do another biopsy see how far it has spread etc, etc, etc. They really don't know too much, until i've been into hospital.But i don't want parts of my body chopped off. Does that sound stupid? Its my fucking body. And i still can't honestly say, yes, i want to live, because i don't. Tne doc said at the end of the day, its my decision, nobody can force me to do anything. So why can't i find the will to live? Its just deserted me completely. Its funny, i've always said i did'nt want to live past a certain age, and i'm not so far off it now. Theres something seriously wrong, with someone who refuses treatment. Am i mad? Or is it just a god given way, for me to end it all?


To top it all, i got home, and my letter has arrived from the hospital, next wed for the pre op, and 9th April for the op. I've got to make a decision, quicker than i thought. It says if you fail to attend, you'll be taken off the list, and referred back to your gp. I've got to make my mind up.

My gp mentioned a famous case, that brought 'it' into high profile,here recently, which some one here has already mentioned, but i'm sure they did'nt want to die. The difference is, i don't want to live. I can decide my own mortality, just like that case in my thread.

Its my decision, what do i do?
 
S

Scum

Well-Known Member
#51
#51
I don't think any 'normal' person would deal well with facing what you are facing. I imagine many people question treatment, do they want this, or that or the other, and that's what you're doing; trying to work out what you want, the same as everyone else.

I would wonder if maybe its not a case of wanting to live or die, but more a case of having to make a huge decision when you are terrified out of your mind.

If you choose not to do anything, then you will reach a point when it is too late to change your mind. If you do something then you can always stop and change your mind and say enough is enough. It gives you more options.

I wouldn't like bits of me taken out either. I don't think anyone does. It's sort of a creepy feeling, but it is one you can adjust to. I have to adjust to having someone elses blood in my body and I HATE that I had to have that, and that is creepy, but sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

Have you tried contacting Marie Curie or MacMillan Nurses and talking to them?
 
Y

yorkie bar

Well-Known Member
#52
#52
Yep, the doc said exactly that too - that you'll reach a point where its too late to change your mind. I suppose i could be at that stage already. How do i feel about that? that would give me perspective, but i can't even address that until i've had some sleep. Even a complete stranger said to me today, you look shattered.

I've looked on Marie Curie, Mcmillan etc websites, already, even so far ago as xmas. But my gp is arranging me for me to see a psychotherapist, i think she said, to help me sort my thoughts out, get them straight in my mind? She knows, now that i don't like bullshit, and she said she thought i would get on really well with him. He sounds a bit eccentric, like me, and probably straight talking, which is good. But i doubt this will happen before my first appt at hospital, as she did'nt know the appointment had come either.
 
IV2010

IV2010

Well-Known Member
#53
#53
your doctor sounds really caring.....
I'm with her and Scum....I reckon give it a go and when you think you can't take any more then you can stop......
when I had a lump in my spinal sheath 6 years ago I was like you.. I kept postponing the op for 6 months with the possibility of paraplegia if it grew too big...I was so depressed at the time I didn't give a s**t.....eventually I started to see things clearer, thought about my family, and had the op........it was benign and I recovered ..
and with a different attitude....
I was able to enjoy life more because of the scare I got....
I reckon had I gone 6 months earlier I would've saved myself heaps of stress...
I can feel how stressed about all the medical stuff you are, but I urge you to give it a try....
In the end though it is your decision either way....
 
Y

yorkie bar

Well-Known Member
#54
#54
Thankyou both for being here xx

I don't know how i feel this morning. I don't feel anything, but at least i've had some sleep. I've got an enforced time limit. I've got to decide this weekend. I've emailed my boss, and told her, what is going on,again, because i can't speak to her. You're right, i've already been going through this stress too, since november. But it was imperative to 'sort out' my financial affairs.

I suppose it seems stupid, if you think about it. I've come so far. When did i ever give up, trying at anything? I'm a strong person. Is'nt it stupid, to give up now? I don't know. I've got the opportunity to potentialy die. Is'nt that what we all want on here?
 
Y

yorkie bar

Well-Known Member
#56
#56
I've had a shower, and its come to me. I've made my decision. I think i knew it, in my heart anyway.

I'm not going to hospital. I've been mulling it over. Theres only one way out of my financial situation, to stop people hounding me, threatening me, its just going to go on, for ever and ever. Its been over 3 weeks since i went bankrupt and i thought 'that was it '. But i still live in fear of baliffs, of coming home - home - thats the only thing that has changed. I have nowhere to live, i've lost my home, in all of this. And i've still got a court judgement issued after the bankruptcy, and the real possibility of going to prison. These people are never going to let go.

At least this way, i can finaly put an end to it all.

So why am i crying?
 
S

Scum

Well-Known Member
#58
#58
That sounds like a decision made by fear and desperation, not a decision based on your gut instinct and wise mind. I think that's why you are crying.
 
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