whats going on

[the_dream]

i dont really know whats going on with this site but its not the way it used to be

i cant go into the chat room without first wondering if i will say something that would get me kicked out

i used to come to this site and everyone here felt like my best friends, now im constantly wondering if i say or do something that gets me in trouble, even this post, right now im wondering if i will be put under moderation (which i had never seen before i came back)

everyone here is cold now, i feel like an asshole every time i go into the chat, it feels like everyone is angry at me for something i dont understand, "fuck you" seems to be painted on everything people say to me oh and sirendevil im not talking about you, your probably one of the coolest people i know here

last night when i was in the chat there were 4 black names looking after two normal members

and what the hell is all this crap about baning people, why should we step lightly whenever someone with the ability to ban you is in a bad mood, if you are a legitament member of this site you shouldnt be afraid that you might say something that upsets someone and gets you banned

i also was shocked to hear that the police were called on one of the members because he was suicidal, i dont know about anyone else on this site, but i dont remember ever reading that if someone says that they think your suicidal that the police will be sent out for you

i dont know if the site has changed or if ive just compleetly lost it, but i have heard some people who sound just like me

if a black name is reading this and you just delete it, think about what i said at least, at least give me a chance, and listen to what i have to say before you delete the whole thing

 

[**BeautyIsThin**]

I kind of agree * It's like you aren't worthy of any attention or niceness unless you've been here for a certain amount of time or you have a "legitimate" problem * I feel more worthless when I come here than normal * I think I am more triggered here than anywhere * I'm not coming back here * So many people read what I write and I get like one or two replies that are nice * Any more are nasty * I know people read what I write and judge me and think how awful I am * They read my distress and ignore it * And so many people say how wonderful and supportive everyone here is * It's only true if you are a certain person with a certain problem * I have poured my heart out here and been ignored * I have tried to explain and have been ignored * So thats it * This place obviously isn't for me * Thankyou to those three people that have been nice and haven't judged * I hope your lives get better *

 

[the_dream]

im sorry i never met you before, but like i said in the chat

i dont know you but good luck

 

[Marshmallow]

* I have poured my heart out here and been ignored * I have tried to explain and have been ignored *

i havn't ignored you, well i hope not anyway! lol, im sorry that you feel you'v been treated badly by other members, but i dont like to judge someone until i get to know them

take care

vikki x

 

[Nevermore]

i havent been on this site for a really long time, but I have also noticed some problesm with it.
for instance, a lot of the responses are empty generic consolations that seem to have been coppy and pasted into place. thats not helpful.
and a lot of people think the best response is to project thier own situation.

and the cop thing..thats wrong. i can think of at least one instance where it caused more damage then it helped.

 

[Wonderstuff]

Nobody's going to delete your thread, even if we are 'black names' as you put it. We're not dictators, you know. Honest.
First of all - there is little or nothing you can do in chat that would get you instantly kicked out. Warnings would be issued. That's the way I always do it, that's the way I've always seen it done. I usually give three warnings, because I'm a big softy.
Secondly...we know that now the position of Chat Monitor has been added, at some times of the day there are rather a lot of bold names in there. But due to us all being in different time zones, we're not all on at the same time, and besides it's still better to have too many than not enough. And besides - we don't all go in there just to look after things. We like to just sit and talk to people just as much as you.
I'm sorry that you feel you have to tread lightly when one of us is in a 'bad mood'. I'm not entirely sure why. If you have a complaint about a specific member of staff, feel free to voice it to another mod or admin.
And I'm sorry, Nevermore, that you feel the advice given here is simply 'empty generic consolations' Some people find it helpful just even to know that there are people out there reading it who care that they're feeling bad. Besides, not all situations have a solution we can help with.
And as for the cop thing...we assume no responsibility when any individual member calls the cops. That is *their* call, and not an indicator of the site.
I'm also sorry, BeautyIsThin, that you feel ignored. I wish I could say everyone is guaranteed to get a lot of replies, but that's not the case. However, you must have looked at some threads yourself and wanted to reply but just not had a clue what to say? Some threads are easier to reply to than others, maybe because we understand more what the person is going through.
I hope this post helps a little towards acknowledging and somewhat explaining your grievances with the site, and that you'll stick around here.
Take care,

Lauren

 

[Mio]

I agree with Lauren (Moonstar89)
you know sometimes I feel like noone notices me... and it can offend me... but I understand that there are many people here who also SUFFER and they also NEED love and attention and care...
as for "black names"... moonstar is the first member I've met here and she is very caring and lovely person ( :hug: for you Lauren) and I know many "black names" here and most of them are very very very attentive and they are REALLY trying to help and encourage each other and other members. Most of them are really caring and attentive. Honest. And they (I mean mods and site buddies and chat monitors etc.) are in chat not because they want to spoil someone's life by banning or putting it under moderation, no. I'm sure that they want to be helpful and they also need help sometimes because they aren't robots, but just common people. And by the way, before they became "black names" they'd been just common members, like me and you.
As for Chat Monitors, I think it's a good idea, because someone should control the situation in chat. I've met some situations when people offended each other (and me too) by too agressive words or something like that. And, for example, Joe (Abacus21 - he's one of Chat Monitors) is really helpful and I say it not because I talk to him much, but because I really see that he's helpful.
I really can understand you,Nevermore, because sometimes I need attention and love and so on, but it doesn't mean that everyone must immediately come to me and be ONLY with me. I guess, all people here need help (and it doesn't depend on your name's colour).
I'm really sorry that you feel that way and I can understand you, trust me.
I wish you would be better...
And I'm sorry if I made a great amount of mistakes...
:hug: for Lauren and Joe
and
many people here are really trying to help and be helpful
I hope that you'll be better, Nevermore and The_Dream
I hope to talk to you in chat
Take care


Mio

 

[Abacus21]

TheDream, as Lauren has said, in chat, practically nothing you say will get you kicked instantly: firstly, warnings will be given.
I also use the three warnings policy.
Also, as Lauren said, the new position of Chat Monitor has been added (and I am one), which means more ''black names'' in chat, however, it is none of the staffs' intention to go in there purely to keep law and order, so to speak - we all like interracting with the members and talking with each other .
The more mods there now are in chat, also means that sometimes, as you saw, there will be more mods than members in chat occasionally.

As Lauren said, if you feel you have a specific complaint about a member of staff, then speak to a mod or admin about it

The staff do not ban people without a very good reason - people do not get banned often.

Joe

 

[thedeafmusician]

Hun I've never had to ban anyone or kick them yet, and hopefully I never will, but I certainly wont ban/kick unless I have a VERY good reason to, and if I'm in a bad mood chances are I'll stay out of chat so I dont get anyone else angry.

I'm also really sorry if I seem cold to you... if I do I swear its not on purpose. Hope to talk to you again soon hun. :hug:

TDM

 

[Robin]

I'm sorry you feel like SF has turned cold on you but I know alot of people who put their hearts into this place unreservedly, some of them do too much and I worry about them and to paint everyone with the same brush generically puts down everyones hard work into the site.

If you have any complaints about a specific member, my chats are open most of the day, you can pm me or you can email me, there's lots of ways to contact me. Don't exclude yourself from the the forum because of a general perception, if you have a specific issue, address it sepcifically with me and maybe we can solve any outstanding issues you have.

Until then, take care, hope to hear from you soon.

 

[Jenny]

I would just like to add that 'black names' don't just go in to chat to look after others. Moderators, Admin, Chat Monitors, etc. are all human beings. We all found this site for our own issues.. Yes black names will take care of things in chat if there is a problem, but we're not on the prowl constantly, waiting for members to trip up so we can ban them. The whole forum is here for mutual support (mods need support too), not to make people feel worse than they evidently already do.

Recently we have had several 'raids' on this forum, where other online forums decide to all register here at once and spam the forum and chat. This is one of the reasons why we have more moderators now.. also, because not everyone is available at all times of the day. We need to keep ourselves covered. We also need to make sure that nothing on the forum/chat could be taken as us encouraging people to suicide/self harm. The last thing we want is for SF to be closed down.

I'm sorry if threads don't get enough replies, but as you can see already in this thread for example, one member can be upset because they don't get enough replies, while another is upset because the replies are too generic. It's not easy knowing how or what to reply, and i think that while many people can honestly relate to a person and their feelings, they don't feel able or up to replying. What helps one person doesn't necessarily help another.. many simply don't want to risk making things worse for people.

And as has been said above, calling of police is something that SF as a site does very rarely (if at all?). The times i've heard of it being done has been when a friend/fellow individual member has been so concerned for a member that they have felt it necessary to call for help. It's not like, if you post on the forum saying you're feeling suicidal we're going to call the police out on you.. that would contradict what this whole forum is about.

Sorry if the forum hasn't been there for you in the way you had wanted but give us a chance, and please try to understand the limitations we're working with :hug:

 

[ari]

I wrote this awhile ago.....but i felt the need to share it.....................

this is not to strike out at anyone who shared their feelings...this is the way "I" expressed myself over just being judged as a "staff" person of this site. I love this site with every bit of my heart, I love every person here. I have no idea how to ban someone, I am very protective of every member here.....but having to fight this....this view...I am just to tired anymore....and thats sad too...because it seems."I feelbeing a moderator...its like we arent allowed any allowances of hard times.....



4th June 2006, 12:22 AM #22
ari
Moderator & Antiquitie's Friend
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: in the willow tree always peering at mother moon


ME?you?????
whirling twirling
Fire inside licking at the pain
heart pounding with the fear
Red anger raging in the night
emotions bubbling at the surface
Tears bitten back for no weakness is allowed
do not look at me for I am not human
what do you see
I am nothing but BOLD letters that no one looks beyond
Do I not feel your pain?
I feel more than you will ever know
the Mask I wear because I want to help even though I too am hurting inside
Do you really hear my words? Do I really help?
These tears they really do Fall
but they dont matter
I no longer matter
I no longer exist
I am a mere memory
a memory that will be caught in the shadows of time
soon to be forgotten
Adieu

 

[Isa]

i cant go into the chat room without first wondering if i will say something that would get me kicked out

Like, for example, saying feked? *coughs* Row..

i dont know if the site has changed or if ive just compleetly lost it, but i have heard some people who sound just like me

Alot of members feel its changed here and quite a few dont post as much any more.

But at the end of the day this *is* the only big suicide support forum, and as such they can do what the hell they please, make up whatever stupid rules they like, and we have to take it

 

[me_]

I really don't see why all this fuss about the rules. I think they are perfectly acceptable and relevant.

 

[Isa]

Firstly, its very rude to use the phrase 'all this fuss' when tlaking about other peoples relevant and important opinions.

I do not put down how you feel about anything, do me the courtesy of thinking of me in the same manner.

Secondly, good for you, I am glad they have not affected you. However there are people on this site who have had their situations worsened by rules being enforced because they are the rules, rather than because it is the right thing to do in the situation.

If you havent experienced this first or second hand you cant commento n it

 

[Marshmallow]

only been here for 10 days now so i don't know what it was like before ....... so i can't really comment

 

[LtRoarke]

I do not feel as if it has changed recently. I like comming here. Sometimes, yes, I really want to comment on some post I have read, but I either do not have time or do not know what to say. But, I do know that even a simple "I'm thinking about you, stay strong" always helps me to feel a bit better, like somebody cares. The people here do care, a lot. And, some people get more "attention" simply because they have been here for a while and we know more about their life, their situations-making it easier to comment because you know that person better. When I have time, I try to comment on those posts that have not yet been answered, but it is hard because school is stressful, and my life, too, is stressful. I am sorry that some of you feel neglected and I hope that you do not give up on this wonderful site. Just visting for a minute or two and reading "happy" posts-games! yay!-perks me up a bit. Anyway, that is my two cents for the day. Have a good one

 

[me_]

Firstly, its very rude to use the phrase 'all this fuss' when tlaking about other peoples relevant and important opinions.

Well I am sorry you feel that way about that phase, I didn't intend to be rude, but it seems that on this site intention doesn't matter, so if there is anyone else who felt offended by that phase, my appologies.

I do not put down how you feel about anything, do me the courtesy of thinking of me in the same manner.

I did't put down how you feel about anything. I stated MY OPINION, which is that the rules are perfectly acceptable and relevant, hence I don't understand why people are revolted against them. I did not say that people SHOULD not be revolted against them. I said I don't understand and I really don't, but sorry if speaking freely is not proper in your eyes.

Secondly, good for you, I am glad they have not affected you. However there are people on this site who have had their situations worsened by rules being enforced because they are the rules, rather than because it is the right thing to do in the situation.

I am sorry for all the people hurt by the rules, and my aplologies to anyone who got offended by what I wrote. It was not my intention.

If you havent experienced this first or second hand you cant commento n it

Oh am I not allowed to comment because I wasn't hurt by the rules? I am sorry, I didn't know that only people who experienced something negative about them can post in this thread. Sorry about that. I quess this thread is EXCLUSIVELY for bashing the rules.

And don't worry, I will do everyone here the "curtesy" of not having to read my stupid replies anymore.

 

[BlackPegasus]

I just want to appologize for how much I've been away lately. I should have been here more. I went out for pizza with a friend today and we were brainstorming on better ways to help here. I cannot express to you how sorry I am for not being here. I think about this site even when I'm not online and I think about many of you individually and wonder how you are doing. My thoughts are with you a great deal of the time. I promise to try and be here for more of you and just know that you can PM me anytime and I'll let you know when I will be out of town and will try to get online during those times as often as I can. Big hugs for you all!!!!! :arms:

Mia

 

[Sadeyes]

I feel very sad when I hear that the staff is viewed as it was presented here, not because I feel we need to be defended, but instead, I feel responsible that I was not effective...I am sorry if I contributed to your sense of not being heard, or having dealt with in a contrite manner...please PM either myself or another staff member and make suggestions how this can be improved...the only context to this I will present is that after answering approximately 1200 threads/posts in the last yr, I may loose my linguistic creativity at times...2AM, the time I have gotten to many threads/posts lately is not the hour in which I can find many words...but please understand the intent...it is clearly not to be banal, but to make sure that everyone receives a response (as many as I can find...and yes, I miss a few but I do search for 0s nearly every night/morning)...so please when I fall short, which i will again, try to hear my intention and if i am not seeming empathetic, please PM me and let me know...we all have a responsiblity to repair the situation when there are breakdowns...thanks, Jackie