What's the point of living if nobody loves you?

[Raphael1]

It's not me that's judging myself. It's everyone around me. If they stopped caring about my ugliness, I will too. But they won't.

Ok I have tried to put it to you in a nice way. This might come as a shock, but you actually have to earn your significance as a person, it takes more than ugliness, or prettiness, for people to care about you. As it stands you didn't do anything to even get noticed as anyone. So your perception that people care if you are ugly or not is completely delusional, they don't care at all what you look like, first you would have to be someone to even be acknowledged. Only you care about it they don't notice you exist. They are not disappointed, angry, or bitter about how you look, they simply don't know who you are. You are too self absorbed to understand that this does not affect them it only effects you. So you are the only one judging yourself. You are blaming others for your looks, but it's nothing to do with them, and it's completely irrelevant what you look like. If you had kids and went around saying how ugly your kid was, this is a horrible way to treat someone. So why do you think it's ok to do it to yourself.

also you are being incredibly mean to your parents, who have to put up with the fact you constantly call yourself ugly, when you are their son. It's just not appropriate, someone might call you ugly, but you are taking this to a entire new level of savage.

 

[gufestus]

Yes. They do. They look at me and turn away their faces. That shows that they do care about it. They make fun of me because of it. That shows that they do care about it. I know it doesn't affect them. And I'm not blaming anyone. I'm just putting out facts. I'm ugly. I get treated like trash. If I wasn't ugly, I wouldn't be. I would at least not have to constantly be embarrassed because of it.

 

[Raphael1]

Yes. They do. They look at me and turn away their faces. That shows that they do care about it. They make fun of me because of it. That shows that they do care about it. I know it doesn't affect them. And I'm not blaming anyone. I'm just putting out facts. I'm ugly. I get treated like trash. If I wasn't ugly, I wouldn't be. I would at least not have to constantly be embarrassed because of it.

they are not as serious as you are about it, they do not think about it day and night, they do not take it to heart as much as this. You take what is essentially a mean spirited reaction about something superficial that kids normally do, that they are using for their own selfish benifit, and you are taking that as something that it was not meant to be, it is extremely upsetting. It is very cruel and depressing. Not even the worst bully is going to admit that this is how you should treat someone, not their friends or people they love. You need to stop gloating over this cause it will only damage others. No amount of bad looks is going to do as much damage as this kind of treatment towards yourself. It will effect other people around you in a negative way and you blame it on your looks but that's not the damaging thing it's your attitude.

 

[Raphael1]

Also on the internet, no-one see's your face, so how can you be a victim on here, when you go out people don't even know who you are, if you are self conscious you might not feel confident. But to extend that to the point where you are suicidal, and that you have no dignity. To be embarrassed by other people's reactions is a serious mental health issue.

 

[yozhik]

Obviously I have no degree, but if it truly is impossible for you to stop obsessing over your perceived flaws that's kind of the definition of body dysmorphic disorder.

 

[gufestus]

I'm already damaged. I'm posting on a suicide forum for fuck's sake and being told that no, your problem doesn't matter, grow up. You think it's just a little attitude problem. It isn't. I'm completely fucked. I have no self esteem. I can't even talk to people properly because I'm always consciously thinking about my face. I have been rejected countless times because of my face. So no. It just isn't an attitude problem. It's far far more. I'm done for. Nothing salvageable left. Majority of my day is spent thinking about how to commit suicide. My whole personality is that of a depressed ugly loner who is too bitter for his own good.

 

[gufestus]

To be embarrassed by other people's reactions is a serious mental health issue.

It may be. I may be crazy.

 

[Raphael1]

I'm already damaged. I'm posting on a suicide forum for fuck's sake and being told that no, your problem doesn't matter, grow up. You think it's just a little attitude problem. It isn't. I'm completely fucked. I have no self esteem. I can't even talk to people properly because I'm always consciously thinking about my face. I have been rejected countless times because of my face. So no. It just isn't an attitude problem. It's far far more. I'm done for. Nothing salvageable left. Majority of my day is spent thinking about how to commit suicide. My whole personality is that of a depressed ugly loner who is too bitter for his own good.

If it didn't matter why the hell would I spend the majority of my night on it. Do you understand that thinking about your face while you are taking to someone, is completely inappropriate, you are suppose to be giving them attention, not thinking about your face. This is how bad a problem you have to where it has mucked up your social ability.

This kind of mentality is also responsible for things like anorexia, girls who think they are fat and constantly think about how they are too fat, when no-one actually cares, that is the same line of mental illness that you are dealing with. It is a type of disorder, because however attractive or unattractive you think you are, it does not match up with how others think. You use examples how they 'turn their faces away' but not everyone always does this and you are completely exaggerating the effect. Just like someone with anorexia exaggerates how everyone around them thinks they are 'fat'. It is a image delusion, which in your case is a delusion about your negative effect on others because of how you look. This is the same type of person who has a model contract and looks really pretty, but they are devastated about something about their eyebrows, or their nose, or whatever it is, and it takes over their life.

 

[gufestus]

however attractive or unattractive you think you are, it does not match up with how others think.

Except that it does. Otherwise I wouldn't be constantly called ugly. People wouldn't laugh at me if they didn't think that. They wouldn't bully me for it my whole life. I'm ugly. No amount of sugar coating can change that fact. And I'm suffering because of it.

 

[Grow-N-Pain]

You are not ugly. No ones opinion should matter but yours. Suicide should be an option. Be the best dressed or best smelling or dancer. You are allowing others words define you and you believe they are right. Don't. You should be disgusted by them. Ask if they would like to be called ugly. Forget the haters cause that's what bullies are. Just haters.

 

[Raphael1]

Except that it does. Otherwise I wouldn't be constantly called ugly. People wouldn't laugh at me if they didn't think that. They wouldn't bully me for it my whole life. I'm ugly. No amount of sugar coating can change that fact. And I'm suffering because of it.

Who are the kind of people that you hang around, cause not even when you are at the mall, or at least somewhere civil, do people act this way towards anyone. Especially in a business or workplace environment this would get people sacked.

If you are suffering so badly over it, then what would happen if you took it to court and tried to get compensation. The court would tell you that you don't have a legal right to any compensation for your suffering, because this is a mental health problem not something that people are doing to you. Our society is civil with laws to protect disadvantaged people and there is lobby's against discrimination. That's also something that you cannot sugar coat that is a reality. Not everyone is going to look at you are laugh at the way you look because not everyone is that stupid, and to be honest you should not take people that are that stupid, that seriously, because they don't have much credibility.

 

[gufestus]

Who are the kind of people that you hang around

I'm in college right now. I have to deal with those comments on almost daily basis.

 

[yozhik]

Who makes these comments and what do they say?

 

[Raphael1]

I'm in college right now. I have to deal with those comments on almost daily basis.

You must be in a very bad college, as normally education is about doing the right thing, and if the majority of people around you are doing this, you are in a bad college. If the educators of this college knew how much these people were effecting you to the point of being suicidal, the entire college would be in an intervention, if not the newspaper would make a massive story out of it, and it wouldn't be the first time. Either this or you are entirely exaggerating, the teacher is not going to stand there and tell you 'hey ugly dude what is the answer to such and such'. That's just not how it works, but you are making out that this is the culture of your college. If you make a great effort to get along and make friends I think you will find these types of digs at you would dramatically decrease for the fact of how you carry yourself alone. You don't seem to consider your options.

 

[gufestus]

"the teacher is not going to stand there and tell you 'hey ugly dude what is the answer to such and such'."
I never said that 'everyone' does that. Of course no sane teacher would say that. But my "friends" do. They make fun of my looks and how I don't have a girlfriend. They ironically say stuff like "You're the most handsome guy I've seen." or "You must get lots of girls." It's not an exaggeration. It happens frequently. And it has warped my mind.

 

[Rob F]

@Raphael1. You need to lay off the poor guy. He's just trying to be honest with how he feels. Most of us on here are not always thinking logically. It's why we are here. To say stuff we have on our mind right or wrong. Advice is one thing, rudeness and judgement is another and not what this guy needs to hear.

 

[Aurelia]

@Raphael1. You need to lay off the poor guy. He's just trying to be honest with how he feels. Most of us on here are not always thinking logically. It's why we are here. To say stuff we have on our mind right or wrong. Advice is one thing, rudeness and judgement is another and not what this guy needs to hear.

Seriously. Raphael, the responses I've read from you to the OP are completely rude and obnoxious, and if you can't see that, you really shouldn't be talking about who is or isn't delusional.

 

[yozhik]

I never said that 'everyone' does that. Of course no sane teacher would say that. But my "friends" do. They make fun of my looks and how I don't have a girlfriend. They ironically say stuff like "You're the most handsome guy I've seen." or "You must get lots of girls." It's not an exaggeration. It happens frequently. And it has warped my mind.

Yeah so your friends are being assholes. I saw your other post and I imagine something like that would make you an easy target for bullies. And I imagine you would be sensitive about it to start. That combination is toxic. But it has *warped* your mind. It's a distortion and if you treat it as such you can work past it. Is there any way for you to get away from these people?

And I think @Raphael1 was genuinely trying to be helpful. He was at times abrasive but he did acknowledge the validity of @gufestus 's problems and provide some advice.

 

[gufestus]

Is there any way for you to get away from these people?

Not unless I stop going to college. I don't know if I could handle it much longer. Their words don't bother me. What bothers me is that they're absolutely right.