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When all you care about are leopards

Dark111

FORMER SF SUPPORTER
#9
i wonder if - like me - you are considering changing your spots! that thought came up when i noticed this thread @Dark111 . i’m actually more than just considering... i think i already have to some extent. just wondering... seems like a leopard would somehow be inspiring (or is that just me?)
Doesn't the phrase go something like “a leopard never changes its spots” ? :) The idea being no matter how hard we try we can never change our innate nature.

I like to look at them; they're beautiful, stealthy, elusive, solitary, nocturnal and renowned for their adaptability.

I quite like that you're finding them inspiring at present. If it's something you could put into words, can you say which "spots" are changing for you or you feel you can change right now?
 

extraterrestrialone

untwisting the pretzel
SF Supporter
#10
Doesn't the phrase go something like “a leopard never changes its spots” ? :) The idea being no matter how hard we try we can never change our innate nature.

I like to look at them; they're beautiful, stealthy, elusive, solitary, nocturnal and renowned for their adaptability.

I quite like that you're finding them inspiring at present. If it's something you could put into words, can you say which "spots" are changing for you or you feel you can change right now?
well, for me it is that leopards don’t change their spots that inspires me to change mine! (not that i’m actually spotted). i’m becoming positive first of all. that’s most important. because i’m kind of notorious amongst those who know me (in what is often referred to as “real life”) as being kind of extremely negative or pessimistic or glum, gloomy and unhappy etc. so i’ve been doing positive affirmations and i find that they are working in changing my attitude from the above to positivity, happiness etc. positive affirmations i believe, can rework the landscape of a mind - or might i say “spots”. but if spots can’t be changed, then perhaps i was actually born happy and now i’m getting back to it.

an argument for that i’m naturally happy is that my mother always used to say i was very cheerful through age 2 and then at that point i became unhappy. who knows what could have been the cause. if there was a cause it could have been abuse or neglect or lead paint. there are so many things that were poisonous that were being used at that point in history. i know that at age 7 or so i had a big piece of lead that i held and manipulated with my hands - not to mention those classic broken mercury thermometers! bleeping yikes (sorry Aurelia i just love the word bleeping).

additionally my psychiatrist prescribed trintellix which is probably helping too. i used this med for about 6 months in the past and it did have a small effect. but i really credit the positive affirmations mostly because i started with them mid summer and didn’t start with the med until mid october. you’ve heard me mention my positivity before i think and that was before i started with the trintellix.

as for changing, or returning to me if that is the case - but its a change just the same - i buried my real self long ago, i believe and now i’m finding that/those parts of me. bit by bit with my internal landscaping efforts, i’m finding me. its a work in progress!

what i’ve been thinking about a lot lately is how i’ve been feeling somewhat successful with positive affirmations and i want to recommend them to other people. i think its worth a try. i think that if a person looks at it as truly a reworking of the landscape of the mind, and stick with the process for at least a few months (or more), new pathways develop. you start to plant imprints of happiness. i don’t feel lobotomized or like a zombie and i don’t feel like i do not have free will anymore. it could just be my imagination, but if it is, who cares if it is producing positive results? there are so many unhappy people who see no way out but suicide and i’ve been in that same/similar boat. maybe giving positive affirmations a try could really help.
 

Dark111

FORMER SF SUPPORTER
#11
well, for me it is that leopards don’t change their spots that inspires me to change mine! (not that i’m actually spotted). i’m becoming positive first of all. that’s most important. because i’m kind of notorious amongst those who know me (in what is often referred to as “real life”) as being kind of extremely negative or pessimistic or glum, gloomy and unhappy etc. so i’ve been doing positive affirmations and i find that they are working in changing my attitude from the above to positivity, happiness etc. positive affirmations i believe, can rework the landscape of a mind - or might i say “spots”. but if spots can’t be changed, then perhaps i was actually born happy and now i’m getting back to it.

an argument for that i’m naturally happy is that my mother always used to say i was very cheerful through age 2 and then at that point i became unhappy. who knows what could have been the cause. if there was a cause it could have been abuse or neglect or lead paint. there are so many things that were poisonous that were being used at that point in history. i know that at age 7 or so i had a big piece of lead that i held and manipulated with my hands - not to mention those classic broken mercury thermometers! bleeping yikes (sorry Aurelia i just love the word bleeping).

additionally my psychiatrist prescribed trintellix which is probably helping too. i used this med for about 6 months in the past and it did have a small effect. but i really credit the positive affirmations mostly because i started with them mid summer and didn’t start with the med until mid october. you’ve heard me mention my positivity before i think and that was before i started with the trintellix.

as for changing, or returning to me if that is the case - but its a change just the same - i buried my real self long ago, i believe and now i’m finding that/those parts of me. bit by bit with my internal landscaping efforts, i’m finding me. its a work in progress!

what i’ve been thinking about a lot lately is how i’ve been feeling somewhat successful with positive affirmations and i want to recommend them to other people. i think its worth a try. i think that if a person looks at it as truly a reworking of the landscape of the mind, and stick with the process for at least a few months (or more), new pathways develop. you start to plant imprints of happiness. i don’t feel lobotomized or like a zombie and i don’t feel like i do not have free will anymore. it could just be my imagination, but if it is, who cares if it is producing positive results? there are so many unhappy people who see no way out but suicide and i’ve been in that same/similar boat. maybe giving positive affirmations a try could really help.
It makes sense to me that you are returning to who you truly are. When I got a photo framed of my son graduating from preschool, with the little cap & gown and everything, and I noticed just how amazing his smile was, my first thought was "life will knock that smile out of him quick enough".

I think it's fantastic the affirmations are working for you, and long may they continue to do so. They don't work for me because any time I've said them, I don't believe them. But it really is good to hear you're making progress. I know you've spent enough time surrounded by hellscapes.
 

extraterrestrialone

untwisting the pretzel
SF Supporter
#12
They don't work for me because any time I've said them, I don't believe them. But it really is good to hear you're making progress. I know you've spent enough time surrounded by hellscapes.
i think i figured out something in the process of living. that hijacker had me do some real bad negative affirmations years ago and they unfortunately worked too - but for so long i looked at it as a lost battle. i often lamented that my brain is a burned out battlefield. but with little bits and pieces of things that happened in my life - one being my former therapist telling that maybe hijacker was really there to help - that has always kept popping back into my mind so i’ve always considered it. eventually with that thought and others i realized that i could do in a positive way what i had done negatively before. hijacker was there to help! and hijacker was correct about who i really am. to me, i realize that it is totally opposite to what i thought i was and i’ve discovered that hijacker was right in telling me that i was the hijacker in a sense and hijacker the victim. so it is really a big turnaround for me now. but still there are years of routines, habits, and self indoctrination that i have to overcome. but i am really relandscaping my brain through positive affirmations.

my point here is not actually to talk about myself. I want to point out that i think that if anyone is able to latch onto a way to be that works for the individual, is proactive and compassionate and of course of good will toward others as well, it becomes much easier to do affirmations because then you really can believe them. i’ve never really believed in myself as being able to be successful. now i believe i can succeed.

the idea of doing affirmations can sometimes come off as being corny or brainwashy and easy to not sincerely believe in. but when i looked at myself i saw deficiencies and ways of being that i believe prompted hijacker’s actions and my lack of ability to fight them off. its a shame that it took so long to realize what that was all about.

i think in my family i was pushed into believing i needed to be totally independent and that way i rejected help from others. i think many do reject help thinking its too difficult. its not really a bad thing to accept help and when i finally did, that help along with my independence worked together to bring about my ability to “change my spots”.

i hope that somehow i can convey this message to people who are having their own difficult time(s). i’ve come across many threads right here on SF in the 3 plus years i’ve been here, where people posted so many reasons why things will never get better. i do believe there is a way to make things change - even for the “yes but...” guys - the group of people of whom i am one too!

all i got to say is yes, but “yes but” is not the only way!
 

Dark111

FORMER SF SUPPORTER
#13
i think i figured out something in the process of living. that hijacker had me do some real bad negative affirmations years ago and they unfortunately worked too - but for so long i looked at it as a lost battle. i often lamented that my brain is a burned out battlefield. but with little bits and pieces of things that happened in my life - one being my former therapist telling that maybe hijacker was really there to help - that has always kept popping back into my mind so i’ve always considered it. eventually with that thought and others i realized that i could do in a positive way what i had done negatively before. hijacker was there to help! and hijacker was correct about who i really am. to me, i realize that it is totally opposite to what i thought i was and i’ve discovered that hijacker was right in telling me that i was the hijacker in a sense and hijacker the victim. so it is really a big turnaround for me now. but still there are years of routines, habits, and self indoctrination that i have to overcome. but i am really relandscaping my brain through positive affirmations.

my point here is not actually to talk about myself. I want to point out that i think that if anyone is able to latch onto a way to be that works for the individual, is proactive and compassionate and of course of good will toward others as well, it becomes much easier to do affirmations because then you really can believe them. i’ve never really believed in myself as being able to be successful. now i believe i can succeed.

the idea of doing affirmations can sometimes come off as being corny or brainwashy and easy to not sincerely believe in. but when i looked at myself i saw deficiencies and ways of being that i believe prompted hijacker’s actions and my lack of ability to fight them off. its a shame that it took so long to realize what that was all about.

i think in my family i was pushed into believing i needed to be totally independent and that way i rejected help from others. i think many do reject help thinking its too difficult. its not really a bad thing to accept help and when i finally did, that help along with my independence worked together to bring about my ability to “change my spots”.

i hope that somehow i can convey this message to people who are having their own difficult time(s). i’ve come across many threads right here on SF in the 3 plus years i’ve been here, where people posted so many reasons why things will never get better. i do believe there is a way to make things change - even for the “yes but...” guys - the group of people of whom i am one too!

all i got to say is yes, but “yes but” is not the only way!
I think it's precisely your own good nature that gives such transformative power to your affirmations. For all your struggles you're neither malicious nor an underhanded coward. Not in my experience anyway. You have a natural ability to rise above human folly and drama if it's in pursuit of something that inspires you or makes you think. I always enjoy our conversations. For instance, as vindictive and persecutory as this 'hijacker' sounds, I've never known you to suddenly & unnecessarily poison a well-meaning conversation. Sadly, not many have your innate decency and thirst for self-knowledge. And I guess that brings us full circle: a leopard never changes its spots.

Keep doing what you're doing for you. If it inspires others, all the better. You're a nice person. I hope you keep making progress.
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#14
Screenshot_20210412-214353.png im sad about the snow leopards. I'm actually quite angry they are threatened and going extinct. I'm angry people don't care that their dumb interests are killing the other creatures on this planet. I wanted to share this. Look at their eyes above, what do you think they are thinking?
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#15
i think i figured out something in the process of living. that hijacker had me do some real bad negative affirmations years ago and they unfortunately worked too - but for so long i looked at it as a lost battle. i often lamented that my brain is a burned out battlefield. but with little bits and pieces of things that happened in my life - one being my former therapist telling that maybe hijacker was really there to help - that has always kept popping back into my mind so i’ve always considered it. eventually with that thought and others i realized that i could do in a positive way what i had done negatively before. hijacker was there to help! and hijacker was correct about who i really am. to me, i realize that it is totally opposite to what i thought i was and i’ve discovered that hijacker was right in telling me that i was the hijacker in a sense and hijacker the victim. so it is really a big turnaround for me now. but still there are years of routines, habits, and self indoctrination that i have to overcome. but i am really relandscaping my brain through positive affirmations.

my point here is not actually to talk about myself. I want to point out that i think that if anyone is able to latch onto a way to be that works for the individual, is proactive and compassionate and of course of good will toward others as well, it becomes much easier to do affirmations because then you really can believe them. i’ve never really believed in myself as being able to be successful. now i believe i can succeed.

the idea of doing affirmations can sometimes come off as being corny or brainwashy and easy to not sincerely believe in. but when i looked at myself i saw deficiencies and ways of being that i believe prompted hijacker’s actions and my lack of ability to fight them off. its a shame that it took so long to realize what that was all about.

i think in my family i was pushed into believing i needed to be totally independent and that way i rejected help from others. i think many do reject help thinking its too difficult. its not really a bad thing to accept help and when i finally did, that help along with my independence worked together to bring about my ability to “change my spots”.

i hope that somehow i can convey this message to people who are having their own difficult time(s). i’ve come across many threads right here on SF in the 3 plus years i’ve been here, where people posted so many reasons why things will never get better. i do believe there is a way to make things change - even for the “yes but...” guys - the group of people of whom i am one too!

all i got to say is yes, but “yes but” is not the only way!
I'm glad you figured out what hijacker was up to, that's gotta be relieving. Can relate to the independence thing for sure.
 

MisterBGone

SF Supporter
#16
@extraterrestrialone There is no shame in how much time it takes one to figure, or sort all of this stuff out... In particular, or "particularly~" when it is a complex, and complicated, perhaps as yours has been! So, go easy on your self. : ) And yes, I'm a believer in positive affirmations. I do understand that this approach does not/will not work for every one. But I also know that for me, it is all to effortless, or easy -- to go the other direction with it (such that it becomes, 'almost automatic!') And truth be told: i am much better at that (the negative); than this, the positive. :^) Lastly on that topic, or thought I once knew a girl who went to Harvard, to get her degree in psychology, before moving out to UCLA for something else entirely - graduate school oriented; but she was a "Big Believer!" (in this: the daily positive affirmations). In fact, she'd recommended for me starting my day with them regularly. Like coming up with, i don't remember what it was... 3 things? 5! Each morning like standing in the bathroom, getting ready sort of a thing. And I'll agree, it sounded 'hoaky,' at first... Until, I'd tried it! It sort of surprisingly, "worked!" for me - for a time (probably until I'd given it up, or stopped doing it?) / But this was also at a time, where or when, I was much more actively suicidal, in my . . . whatever (the word, or words, escape~s ^ me; at the moment_)* -which is probably for the best! But bottom line, I am happy for you, and so agree too with what Catch 22, said! Keep going.
 

extraterrestrialone

untwisting the pretzel
SF Supporter
#17
There is no shame in how much time it takes one to figure, or sort all of this stuff out..
i’m sorry, it does make sense but i feel very keenly my time running out. over the past 7 or so years i woke up sort of but only sort of and over the past year + i’ve identified much, but i have very specific needs and i know what i need to do but my life is still overflowing with shame and there is a definite road block which is our healthcare system who i happen to need and who refuses to help i think for moralistic reasons or how might one say it... ethics (bs ethics) i don’t feel comfortable being more open but i which i could. i feel as if i have an image to perpetuate which i happen to really want to perpetuate but realities do interfere. i’m just afraid all the time that i’ll die unhappy because mental healthcare thinks i should talk about this for as many years as it takes before i actually get to what i really need. i can only imagine dying in 20 years “image“ intact but very disappointed with how this life went. i’m not finding any way of feeling different. i do have the positive affirmations and my poetry/prose. but these may be an illustration of unfulfillment. i do have the positive affirmations. i see and feel and know that they have changed me. i also understand why it is getting more difficult to do. that is because change is actually happening. and there are active parts of me that want to stick to my old ways. its just so lonely though. i want someone to be around who already knows me for support and acceptance and that i do not have. my best suggestion for you or anyone is to try affirmations and keep at it even when it seems like you’re stuck. so here’s a bit of the sad and the optimistic...
 

Catch_22

Well-Known Member
#18
i’m sorry, it does make sense but i feel very keenly my time running out. over the past 7 or so years i woke up sort of but only sort of and over the past year + i’ve identified much, but i have very specific needs and i know what i need to do but my life is still overflowing with shame and there is a definite road block which is our healthcare system who i happen to need and who refuses to help i think for moralistic reasons or how might one say it... ethics (bs ethics) i don’t feel comfortable being more open but i which i could. i feel as if i have an image to perpetuate which i happen to really want to perpetuate but realities do interfere. i’m just afraid all the time that i’ll die unhappy because mental healthcare thinks i should talk about this for as many years as it takes before i actually get to what i really need. i can only imagine dying in 20 years “image“ intact but very disappointed with how this life went. i’m not finding any way of feeling different. i do have the positive affirmations and my poetry/prose. but these may be an illustration of unfulfillment. i do have the positive affirmations. i see and feel and know that they have changed me. i also understand why it is getting more difficult to do. that is because change is actually happening. and there are active parts of me that want to stick to my old ways. its just so lonely though. i want someone to be around who already knows me for support and acceptance and that i do not have. my best suggestion for you or anyone is to try affirmations and keep at it even when it seems like you’re stuck. so here’s a bit of the sad and the optimistic...
I'm relating way too much to this. Like to talk to u ab it in msg too. Hang in
 

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