When your identical half dies

[total eclipse]

It's too hard dam this life dam it dam doctor killing her because to get she was garbage I can forgive me I sat there I sat there and I fffff froze again omg I did not stop the abuse of her I hate me omg I hate living I hate what thus dam world does to the ones that suffer the most oh please lord please make this all end please

 

[may71]

You're imagining that you could have done something that would have saved your sister, and I think that's a normal process that people go through during grief. I'm not sure though that you actually could have saved her. Please be gentle with yourself.

Sending hugs

 

[1Lefty]

It's too hard dam this life dam it dam doctor killing her because to get she was garbage I can forgive me I sat there I sat there and I fffff froze again omg I did not stop the abuse of her I hate me omg I hate living I hate what thus dam world does to the ones that suffer the most oh please lord please make this all end please

(((hugs)))

 

[Windhover]

@total eclipse
I'm so sorry how this is right now.
Sending love.

 

[total eclipse]

Not sleeping not sleeping sorry I failed her omg she called omg I un did not go to her I'm so sick inside called my doctor's office over a week ago no one calls back that is how it is

 

[1Lefty]

Not sleeping not sleeping sorry I failed her omg she called omg I un did not go to her I'm so sick inside called my doctor's office over a week ago no one calls back that is how it is

(((hugs)))

 

[Windhover]

@total eclipse Deep grieving is terribly hard on the mind and body but please there is nothing to be gained by staying with the fail loop. You're a person with the rest of us: love at the core. I am suggesting, please, try another dr or clinic if your regular dr doesn't respond.
hugs

 

[total eclipse]

Tired when I get more strength will call dr again but think I will go sleep for awhile

 

[1Lefty]

 

[total eclipse]

Ok called doctors office again secretary said call back Monday after I told her I called over a week ago noone returned my call she says sorry did not notice that call. Yah so why leave a msg then. That was on March 10 or 13 then today now told to call Mon as dr not in. I tried ok I'm tired my hsb was there when I called both times t is saved to my phone outgoing calls I tried ok tried.i don't want to try anymore

 

[may71]

I failed her

There's a temptation to think that if you had offered to let her live with you she would have taken the offer, and that things would have been better that way. I don't think that's true. I think you're putting a lot of unfair blame on yourself.

If she had come to live with you and then died, then you would probably be blaming yourself the same way you are now.

Please be gentle with yourself.

Ok called doctors office again

I wish the doctor would be more responsive.

Hugs

 

[total eclipse]

Saw my general doctor says don't look so sad I try not to test cannot find why I am having so much pain more test he orders took my BP and heart pill tonight having alot chest pain I'm sure it is because of losing her. Every day I look for her dam our bday coming soon dear god I simply cannot do this

 

[Windhover]

 

[1Lefty]

sending hugs

(((hug)))

Peace

 

[may71]

Hugs TE

 

[Soul flower]

Sending love.

 

[total eclipse]

It's too hard tommorrow she will not be here in our bday so dam alone and sad dam it m Dam dam dam me

 

[may71]

You're not to blame TE. The only one who is blaming you is yourself.

It's a common reaction to loss for people to blame themselves, but it's also not fair. Please be gentle with yourself.

Hugs

 

[foreverforgotten]

I'm sorry for what you're going through.
It is truly not your fault. I understand the guilty feeling.. after my dad died, then mom died. I still feel guilty because maybe things could've been different.

But you can only do the best you can with what you know at that time.

Its not your fault. and no matter what, I don't think she would want you beating yourself up for it. If you still feel at fault, please try to forgive yourself. I don't think she would want to see you blaming yourself.

 

[Soul flower]

It's too hard tommorrow she will not be here in our bday so dam alone and sad dam it m Dam dam dam me

You posted this yesterday. birthday today I assume -- though this birthday will be difficult. Perhaps cut two slices of cake in honor of you both. Sending you birthday wishes with love and light.