okay, so for awhile i stopped eating.
i stopped eating completely.
then i started eating 1 meal a day. one small meal.
then i went to the doctor and i found out i developed hypoglycemia.
so now i HAVE to eat. or else i will get really sick, pass out, get diabetes, go into a diabetic coma, then die.
this depresses me so much because now im supposed to eat every two hours.
and as much as i need to and i know i need to i cant.
i have started eating more regular meals however, but then some days i get so sick of myself i throw it all up and yell at myself in the mirror.
i feel so fat.
i'm obsessing over food. i dont want to anymore. but i want to be thin. i want a perfect body. i feel like im worthless without one. i feel like im only valueable if im pretty.
I just want to be able to relax, eat a bunch of chocolate and not worry about fat sticking to my bones.
i dont know why i do this to myself.
I need to eat.
I dont want diabetes.
I dont want to feel sick.
i dont want to go into a coma
i dont want to die.
i just dont want to eat either. and another thing is since i've had been eating so much more i get hungry more often and it drives me insane! i used to never get hungry and now i am like all the time. and when i get bored i want to go eat but then if i do i throw it up because i cant stand letting that food digest.
will this go on forever?
i want it to stop...i feel like i've lost control.
i stopped eating completely.
then i started eating 1 meal a day. one small meal.
then i went to the doctor and i found out i developed hypoglycemia.
so now i HAVE to eat. or else i will get really sick, pass out, get diabetes, go into a diabetic coma, then die.
this depresses me so much because now im supposed to eat every two hours.
and as much as i need to and i know i need to i cant.
i have started eating more regular meals however, but then some days i get so sick of myself i throw it all up and yell at myself in the mirror.
i feel so fat.
i'm obsessing over food. i dont want to anymore. but i want to be thin. i want a perfect body. i feel like im worthless without one. i feel like im only valueable if im pretty.
I just want to be able to relax, eat a bunch of chocolate and not worry about fat sticking to my bones.
i dont know why i do this to myself.
I need to eat.
I dont want diabetes.
I dont want to feel sick.
i dont want to go into a coma
i dont want to die.
i just dont want to eat either. and another thing is since i've had been eating so much more i get hungry more often and it drives me insane! i used to never get hungry and now i am like all the time. and when i get bored i want to go eat but then if i do i throw it up because i cant stand letting that food digest.
will this go on forever?
i want it to stop...i feel like i've lost control.