Why I Am Here

[Why Am I Here]

It's only been until just recently that I feel that I've figured everything out. Of course I haven't solved the Universe or anything in related, just life in general.

You see, my perception on life is that it's a giant cycle. Our only real purpose here is to reproduce and continue on the human race which will never have a purpose to be honest. Life is spontaneous and irrelevant and serves no purpose whatsoever.

I'm not like a lot of you. I wasn't sexually abused, addicted to drugs, or lost a loved one, etc.... I've come to the conclusion that if there is no afterlife (no goal) and our only purpose is to live here through the filth of the human race which some may call who just happens to be a disgrace to all eternity and existence. Maybe I'm a pessimist, maybe I'm insane or missing something about this puzzle.

I have spent the year working out theories about life and the Universe and I guess we're all just a bunch of mindless idiots with no purpose but to sit around on our smart phones, watch Jersey Shore, consume our little hearts out while we work at a job we hate. Constantly being surrounded by ignorant fools. I've lost any hope for humanity I had. People say that we have to look at the bright perspectives of our lives or hold onto something dear that we care about. I can't think of anything.

One night about 3 months ago after not being able to sleep, I came to the conclusion that if I'm planning to end it after I graduate (which I am if not sooner) then why not finish it now? What do I have to live for? Nothing. Nobody has anything to live for that will give them a result in the end. So the next morning I was going through my mom's medicine cabinet and swallowed 300 capsules to Aspirin at 81mg each which totaled to 24,300 mg. I didn't tell anyone and went to school. I had the worst stomach ache ever and was planning to die and never even passed out. My hearing blurred and didn't come back for a few days. My stomach ache went away but not entirely. I still always constantly have a stomach ache. Not as bad as the one after I took the pills of course.

I never told anyone about that suicide attempt. Not even my closest friend. He wouldn't understand. No one understands me. When I was signing up for this website it asked for a username and I asked myself why i'm even here and chose that username. Why do I even care if I die. I've been pressing myself to attempt again because I somehow survived the first attempt which is the worst feeling someone depressed can feel. I've failed so hard that I decide to kill myself. And I can't even succeed at that. My parents have multiple hand guns for protection, they're loaded and I know where they are. I've been thinking about using them.

If I don't care about life or anyone in it and anyone's existence in general, why am I posting this? Why Am I Here?

I guess I'm just depressed.

 

[Why Am I Here]

But yet I still find myself coming back here. I don't know why. I guess I want to relate to people...

 

[Angelo_91]

Youll soon realize everyone deep down thinks the exact same. Every person you meet, knows what you mean. But what do you expect people to do? Everyone to kill themselves? Just enjoy your time in this existance. Nothing is certain, so do whatever. Until you die.

 

[Xistence]

If there's no point to life, then there isn't a point to death. Why not just exist for the hell of it? Anything in life you enjoy doing? If there is just keep doing it. We can always wait until life ends some other way.

 

[nolonger]

maybe none of us really exist? and this is some sought of dream-realm. so when we die, we wake up? im just blabbing random crap here. life doesn't have a point, why would it? just like time is a human invention. we think that because the earth spins and we see it go from dark to light that things move on, time moves on....but it doesn't. we can only percieve time because we eventually die. if we didn't die, there would be no time, therefore no meaning to anything we do.

ok well i dont no why i said all that crap but anyway, i guess the thing people say is "life is what you make of it". in saying that, i dont no why we can't call it a quits if we don't want to make anything of this life.

 

[Why Am I Here]

Thanks for the responses guys. I've heard them all before, but it's nice to know that you guys have a nice community here, most of which are strong, inspiring individuals. Other forum members can be a bit distasteful in my opinion.

I feel as though I thought about life to the point where it's killing me. Nothing is motivating me as I feel as though nothing has a initial point. Our existence is pointless and always will be. We're animals that can talk and think. No one is original or unique and everyone and everything is pointless, including myself and my own existence. I told you I'm a pessimist.

Unfortunately, I've been informed that this is not the place for me to be. While in the Chat Room, I was informed that my place here is unnecessary and I should find another website that is dedicated to that subject. Although, I came here because I wanted to commit suicide, so that doesn't really make sense.... Coming here, I had expectations of finding other individuals with similar thoughts as me maybe someone to relate to, someone to give me inspiration to live. I found nothing. Thank you for the few who tried to help: Cordial1, Craig, Mr. Alex. That's all I can think of. If anyone would like to contact me, please do so through the SF PM, I will be checking it routinely for the next few days. Or through my E-Mail which is [email protected]

Thanks.