Wish I didn't survive

[hopeless]

it's been 8 years since my last attempt, and i wish my ex-husband never found me. things don't get better. things just seem to get worse. i have no friends. no one wants to hear about my problems. no one cares that i am drowning and have no job and no money and i'll never get better. no one cares that i wish i could just disappear. they probably wouldn't miss me if i did. the only reason i stopped trying to kill myself is i failed so many times, too many to count. i hate myelf. i wish i was dead then i wouldn't feel so bad all the time. my kids deserve so much better than i could ever give them. they deserve a mom who can take care of them so they don't have to take care of themselves and me. my 5 year old wouldn't eat tonight because he wanted mommy to have his food because i haven't been eating. i hate food. i wish i didn't have to eat or breathe or even live. i need a way out because i have been told that i will never get better, which shouldn't come as a surprise because i have always known i would die depressed. my only hope for peace is death.

 

[DrownedFishOnFire]

:hug: I am here to listen to whatever you got to say. Truly if you want to complain about anything feel free to do so, I am here.

 

[Inspire&Inquire]

Believe in your children, your five year old seems like a kind soul, he deserves to see his mother get well. Please spend more time with your children. There are so many mysteries in the world.

 

[JmpMster]

I am unsure who told you you will never be better- but killing yourself is not giving your children what they need or the memories and basis of stable childhood that will help them become emotionally stable adults. Get help from social services if your 5 year old is feeling like the care giver in this relationship and get help from real professionals as no professional is going to say you will never get better. They may say you will never be "cured" but in mental health it is not about "cure" it is about coping skills that still allow you to live a decent life with meaning and a a reasonable quality of life- so while depression or bi-polar and many many mental health issues are not something that get cured- living with them and a decent happy life is something that is very achievable just like living with many chronic physical illnesses.