Funniest excerpts from stories I wrote as a child:
"I knew this school wouldn't last a year," said Mitch Smith. "Because it's built on the top of a mountain."
"Where were you?" asked the king when she came in the door. "At this house, and I made friends with a ghost." "Where is this house?" asked the king. "Down the block," said Susie. "What color is the house?" asked the king. "Brown," muttered Susie. "Oh, I know him," said the king.
"Yummy! What do they look like?" asked Penny curiously. "Sure," said the king.
Penny's eyes closed in delightment.
Then a strange woman walked into the room with a man and a baby. "Are you going to stay?" asked the woman. "Yes," said Penny. "You're going to let her stay?" asked the baby. "Yes, of course, DimWitt," said the woman. "Why did you call your son, 'dimwit'?" "Because that's his name. And he's my brother," said the woman.
"Guess what, Mommy? It's my birthday!' "Oh, I forgot about that."
"Mom, actually it isn't our birthdays. We just wanted to eat out."
Tammy made a funny noise. Like an elephant and a dog mixed together.
"Here. I have something to show you." Then he pulled a shiny red velvet box out of his crown. There was a diamond ring in it. "Will you marry me?" asked the prince. "Well, I'm already married...okay," said Mrs. Bridgeport.
"Hi," said Flincky. She was a girl unicorn, you could tell. She had eyelashes.
"I am Princles," answered the little girl in a small voice.
"Queen Red. Here's a map to her house. Break her Magic Power Ball. It's red on a red stick. And round, like a ball. Then your dog won't be sick anymore.
"This is King Dreidel, King Albert's nephew. The bird is Squaky. Good-bye." "Here he is, master," said Squaky. "Ah, yes, the troublemaker you were telling me about." "I am not," replied Jimmy Lee firmly. "Well, that's what my bird said," said King Dreidel.
They just stood there, as scared as a fawn watching a hunter. (Actually, that one is very good considering I was only 9 at the time)
Ricky looked up, and he saw a fish floating in mid-air. It said to him, "I am a magical fish. I'll make you travel through time."
Then, suddenly, the camera saw them and took Hilda away into a room. The camera said, "I am fake. I love you."
Hilda thought that Ricky Swineport was a strange being.
Brittany saw a little door. And she went inside it.
"It looks like a baby decided the colors for this town,"
"Miads!" Prince Nathan was explaining to Brittany. "They're little circles and monsters."
"Honey pie," said Lamb. "Muffinhead," said Dog. "Jabber Jaws," said Robert. "Joker Poker Jaws," said Juliana.
He had a grilfriends lost and found.
"We're going to get engaged," said Melanie, (his) girlfriend.
They named them (got it?) Robbyn and Piggyn "How come we have such weird names?" said Piggyn. "You don't," said Chirpy.
And so they knew they knew that.
So then they its name
Then she said to that ghost, "Go away and never come back again!" so loud that the ghost blew away and he was gone forever!
So then they all said hello and got to know each other really super good.
So they flyed
sterring (Steering a ship apparently)
cryed
He blew his nose on it. Then he gave it to Dovey. When Dovey got it, there was snot and tears all over on it. "Oh, barf,"
"Well, I think you look crazy, a half human, half dog," Todd said. "Ha Ha, very funny," she said.
and they were on the chip (ship)
Roberta said Saturn. Juliana said Mars. Robert said the sun. "The sun is not a planet!" Juliana protested. "Oh yes it is," Robert said.
"Greetings, earthling," it said in an alieny voice. "My name's Ptooey."
Ptooey wouldn't even hurt a fly. (There wasn't very many on Mars.)
Because if they didn't know what day they would be able to go.
"You just have to listen to your conciense."
"Somebody has control over my consience," Cat said. "Well, who, absolutely who, is taking over your consience, Cat?
"I think his name is Lun E. Toone," Cat said. "Figures," Lamb said alound.
Finally Angelina pulled the boys apart and they stopped arguing instantly. "Okay, that's good now, stay," Angelina said. It sounded as though she was commanding dogs
"Well, we've heard you've been taking over this man--er, uh, cat's brain. Is that true?" "Yes," Luney said. "I certainly have been taking over his brain."
When they finally had gotten to the place where they had to go, they asked a man of the government, he said "no". And PR bribed the guy until he finally gave in. "Okay, okay," the guy said. "You can have the money. But only on one condition, though." "What?" PR said. "You have to pay me $400."
Cat wouldn't turn into some weird monster or something. Then he said, "The changing of this cat's brain is ready to begin!" And then he turned on the large machine that Cat was inside. And then a large flash of lightning went way down to Cat's brain! For many minutes the same process went on.
"Cat, are you alright?" "Can't feel better," Cat answered in his best voice. "Oh, extremely great!" Lamb said. "Do you like my girlfriend?" "No way!" said Cat. "I would never like a dog. I only like my own kind, cats."
If it hadn't been for you (he pointed to P.R.), I wouldn't have gotten that experiment on that very fine gentleman cat."
a whole lot and bunch
Or the made up words like "delightment", which actually sounds cool.