Hello SF, Hello Until Dawn.
This is Grave Robber.
I want to share that I am still here and I am alive. The past month has been quite hellish. I thought to post here and share that I'm still here as so many people still care for my well being. I was able to be stabilized through medical help and medication since my last post. Where I am, I am able to meet with a psychiatrist, nurse and pharmacist. We've put an action plan and I am now stabilizing on my new medication. Prozac isn't perfect but it's there regardless. In terms of my wanting to end my life, it is still there. It gets louder when I think about loneliness, my ugliness, and well-my body. I'm taking it one day at a time and it's hard for me to do that. Having mental illness is so exhausting, that my mind likes to trick me that going away permanently is something that is a "logical solution" to this problem.
I think about my parents... I think about my friends (I do have friends, though I don't talk to them about this anymore, they know I suffer from depression but-they're getting tired of it. I don't blame them), I think about my relatives... I think about the front desk lady at the gym I go to... I think about the people here on this forum.
I'm still here and looking back at the posts people made, I can't deny that people in this cyberspace, care too.
Thanks for caring.