Here's some background: I am attending college, have been for four years. My academics have been all over the place as it seems like one semester can be more difficult than another, which results in lower grades. I went to college straight out of high school and have always felt as though I never gave myself a break. I also work while going to school and my days are long and tiring. I'm only 22.
I was hired by a department already within my field in my third year of college, but upon working there for a year, my performance has seem to gone down. I don't feel close to my bosses and I never get any positive reinforcement for the things I do right. Every time I hear from them, it is because I did something wrong. I am trying my absolute best right now. How can I do better than my best? How can I open up a dialogue with someone who isn't very close to me? How can I show them that I am trying my best when I'm making all these mistakes? I get talked to like I'm stupid sometimes. When filling out some paperwork, I wanted to ensure I wasn't putting in the wrong thing, so I asked "What is my classification?" before writing anything down. And my boss looked at me and said "What IS your classification? C'mon, you should know that." I asked, "What are they referring to?" to which he responded "What is your job title??" in a rather irritated voice. After that I knew what they were talking about.
Here's another example: My boss sent out an email to several people asking them if they could take on another assignment this month. I responded quickly because I though, "Even though I am making mistakes, avoiding work isn't going to make me a better employee. The more I put myself in different situations, the better I can be at protocol." So I was the first to respond to the email. He didn't get back to me until a day later and said "Thanks, but I already have it covered."
These little things build up and it pushes me even further away from being just remotely comfortable around them. It makes me resent my work. My job requires me to follow a very detailed protocol which is around 200 pages long. (You have to read it after you are hired but before you go on assignments). It is one of the hardest manuals to learn within the department.
I'm finding it difficult to process everything my brain is being fed, from school to work to family issues. I also believe I have high functioning anxiety but have never gotten a diagnosis because I don't have any health coverage where I am located. I currently just got another job at a local retail store because finances are very tight, which causes another amount of stress on my life.
My boyfriend is the only support system I have here in my college town, because family is very far away. But sometimes he doesn't really know how to help. I don't have anyone to talk to, and I feel trapped in this job because...
1.) It is a job that relates to my field. Getting any type of experience looks great on future resumes and applications.
2.) It pays better than minimum wage and compensates for personal vehicle usage, which helps with bills tremendously.
3.) If I do a good job, which I was doing well when I started, I can get good references.
4.) This is a small college town and many highly esteemed people, such as my bosses, talk with one another. If I am perceived as a bad employee, people will talk.
Jeez, does anyone have any advice?
I was hired by a department already within my field in my third year of college, but upon working there for a year, my performance has seem to gone down. I don't feel close to my bosses and I never get any positive reinforcement for the things I do right. Every time I hear from them, it is because I did something wrong. I am trying my absolute best right now. How can I do better than my best? How can I open up a dialogue with someone who isn't very close to me? How can I show them that I am trying my best when I'm making all these mistakes? I get talked to like I'm stupid sometimes. When filling out some paperwork, I wanted to ensure I wasn't putting in the wrong thing, so I asked "What is my classification?" before writing anything down. And my boss looked at me and said "What IS your classification? C'mon, you should know that." I asked, "What are they referring to?" to which he responded "What is your job title??" in a rather irritated voice. After that I knew what they were talking about.
Here's another example: My boss sent out an email to several people asking them if they could take on another assignment this month. I responded quickly because I though, "Even though I am making mistakes, avoiding work isn't going to make me a better employee. The more I put myself in different situations, the better I can be at protocol." So I was the first to respond to the email. He didn't get back to me until a day later and said "Thanks, but I already have it covered."
These little things build up and it pushes me even further away from being just remotely comfortable around them. It makes me resent my work. My job requires me to follow a very detailed protocol which is around 200 pages long. (You have to read it after you are hired but before you go on assignments). It is one of the hardest manuals to learn within the department.
I'm finding it difficult to process everything my brain is being fed, from school to work to family issues. I also believe I have high functioning anxiety but have never gotten a diagnosis because I don't have any health coverage where I am located. I currently just got another job at a local retail store because finances are very tight, which causes another amount of stress on my life.
My boyfriend is the only support system I have here in my college town, because family is very far away. But sometimes he doesn't really know how to help. I don't have anyone to talk to, and I feel trapped in this job because...
1.) It is a job that relates to my field. Getting any type of experience looks great on future resumes and applications.
2.) It pays better than minimum wage and compensates for personal vehicle usage, which helps with bills tremendously.
3.) If I do a good job, which I was doing well when I started, I can get good references.
4.) This is a small college town and many highly esteemed people, such as my bosses, talk with one another. If I am perceived as a bad employee, people will talk.
Jeez, does anyone have any advice?
