alone

[Dante]

I hated loneliness, but I always loved being alone, I miss chances to be alone. There is a point of being alone late at night where the whole world seems to have forgotten about you because no one is awake to remember, when all is still and every second you exist is yours to do with as you please. A timeless void of freedom where no one expects anything of you because no one is awake to expect anything of anyone. I miss that

 

[seabird]

being alone late at night where the whole world seems to have forgotten about you because no one is awake to remember, when all is still and every second you exist is yours to do with as you please. A timeless void of freedom

Yes. Thank you ~ you've described it so well. It's like a balm.

Everyone deserves some alone time @Dante. I hope you're able to find a satisfying balance.

 

[seabird]

There's another level beyond lonely I've discovered unwittingly. It is being unable to feel at home. Pieces of self are not with me. No I'm not a demon or anything like that, I'm broken.

 

[Dante]

There's another level beyond lonely I've discovered unwittingly. It is being unable to feel at home. Pieces of self are not with me. No I'm not a demon or anything like that, I'm broken.

I think know that one, a feeling of being kinda hollow, and so isolated that the world itself feels almost fake, like if you reached out to touch it, it wouldnt be there, the people wont be there, completely alone. I had that on and off when depressed. The worst was at University...

 

[seabird]

I think know that one, a feeling of being kinda hollow, and so isolated that the world itself feels almost fake, like if you reached out to touch it, it wouldnt be there, the people wont be there, completely alone. I had that on and off when depressed. The worst was at University...

That hollow feeling, sometimes it goes away. Well it does go away after a run, a workout, & if asleep.
If I had not been spending all my atrention on what someone wanted me to do...
But that's in the past now. Recent past, but it's time to figure out how to believe in me as real again.

 

[zythalore]

There's another level beyond lonely I've discovered unwittingly. It is being unable to feel at home. Pieces of self are not with me. No I'm not a demon or anything like that, I'm broken.

I'd say I've been feeling this since the first few days and months when my partner died. It's hard to explain. I guess the feeling has lessened now. But I know it's still there.

I'm sorry you have been feeling this. Wish I can find the words to say anything that can help.

 

[seabird]

I'd say I've been feeling this since the first few days and months when my partner died. It's hard to explain. I guess the feeling has lessened now. But I know it's still there.

I'm sorry you have been feeling this. Wish I can find the words to say anything that can help.

zythalore
It is enough - I think you know what I mean - to know others here can understand. I agree about wanting for there was a way to help one another, even when my gut tells me there is not. I hope your mind & heart are soothed.
Thank you also @Dante for saying that. It changes my perspective toward coping, from a sort of despair to a sense that coping is real & possible, after I read your post. I need to renew my creativity.

 

[seabird]

I've been obsessively rumimating on the stupid things & the wrong I've done the last few years. I already apologized to the loved ones who matter. Everyone else well, there's no point in saying anything to them. But as for me & my mental health:
Oh please dear universe help get this thought loop out of my mind once & for all. Maybe, if I workout a lot & laugh at cartoons, funny videos, & movies I can get to the next stage. The next stage where these thoughts are not in charge of my head anymore.

 

[KM76710]

I wish you luck in that journey to the next stage and hopefully a bit of peace.

 

[seabird]

I wish you luck in that journey to the next stage and hopefully a bit of peace.

Thank you for the support. The loss of my stuff, especially the artwork, is sad. It all probably went in the bin. The more important thing is I have my self back over this side of the world.

 

[Reaver]

Relating to this very much right now.

 

[seabird]

Hell how can I get on with my own creations and crappy little life when his words tear away my hold. Stupid emotional weakness slams through me while distance and disfunction spread. I spiral, pain drifts, reality splinters. I can't heal. he messes with my head

 

[Autumn1973]

Hell how can I get on with my own creations and crappy little life when his words tear away my hold. Stupid emotional weakness slams through me while distance and disfunction spread. I spiral, pain drifts, reality splinters. I can't heal. he messes with my head

I know. I've been broken my whole life.

 

[seabird]

I know. I've been broken my whole life.

Sorry you're broken too.

 

[seabird]

I feel the creativity coming back.

 

[KM76710]

I feel the creativity coming back.

That is great, you are quite creative as we have seen already.

 

[seabird]

Alone, it's quiet or music fills the rooms.
The paint tubs sit there, almost vibrating.
I set his pain aside, peel it off my hands & dropped in a box, taped shut on a shelf, in that closet where I put stuff which I can't bear to throw away.

 

[seabird]

Thank you, all.

 

[seabird]

Soft winter day. Glad there's a new metal roof on the little garage and shed. Cat loves hanging out in there, looking out the windows & hunting mousies.

 

[seabird]

Iol it's not like this is a new experience is it
Just asking for them to stay out of my dreams