alone

[Holding my breath]

Pleased things have been a bit better for you @seabird You deserve good things.
Xx

 

[seabird]

It would've been his birthday. Other people would be more important, more talkative, more present. But when he played, I know for certain that at least some of the song was/could have been, for me. I miss you my brother, my difficult friend. RIP.

 

[Road to Nowhere]

It would've been his birthday. Other people would be more important, more talkative, more present. But when he played, I know for certain that at least some of the song was/could have been, for me. I miss you my brother, my difficult friend. RIP.

 

[Livelife]

It would've been his birthday. Other people would be more important, more talkative, more present. But when he played, I know for certain that at least some of the song was/could have been, for me. I miss you my brother, my difficult friend. RIP.

.......

 

[seabird]

Grateful to be here. It seems Apollo turned his distant attention on me and I thank him tot that, now that I am past the terror. If I'm lucky, if Hestia, Asklepios & Athena will continue to assist me, I might find healing from the damage.

 

[seabird]

Good or bad. It goes quiet.
Reactions in my mind & body are all there is to what is left. Societies have spun their systems past what it is all about & disfunction spreads. If I say anything, it's always not good enough, or smart enough, or kind enough.

 

[Livelife]

Good or bad. It goes quiet.
Reactions in my mind & body are all there is to what is left. Societies have spun their systems past what it is all about & disfunction spreads. If I say anything, it's always not good enough, or smart enough, or kind enough.

I'm sorry to hear the last sentence you shared

 

[CrossedSeas]

@seabird I’m reaching out partly because you recently answered a different post I made here on the forum, and I just wanted to tell you what you said there was more than good enough, and certainly smart and kind. I appreciated it deeply, and part of the reason I’ve been so slow is because I felt it deserved a better answer than Ive had the strength to give yet in my own quiet space. I feel what you say matters and you certainly do. I know that silence is really hard, sending care and support

 

[seabird]

thank you @CrossedSeas .


I'm chagrined a bit because of how I've been writing negative words about myself. Taking a stand to not slide back into depression means stopping this kind of thing.
Someone gently pointed out to me what I was doing. I'm keeping positive words in the forefront, & letting the rough spots be what they are, without, I hope, getting dragged down.

I hope you're doing okay.

 

[seabird]

Failing to build self-esteem or care for myself I used to not particularly notice. But that seems to have caught up to me, & it's the source of the lost nightmares. Perhaps too many puzzle pieces gone.

 

[CrossedSeas]

@seabird I’m playing catch up here with your earlier post, but for what it’s worth, I feel like it’s understandable when you’re feeling terrible that it’s harder to see or talk about the good within. At least I hope so, because I struggle with that too. That said, I believe the positive things about you are very much true, and every chance you can, im so glad you’re telling them to yourself too Im sorry the struggles with it are catching up with you. I do hope you’re being as gentle and forgiving on yourself as you can, because I know it’s such a process. It’s one I’m grappling with a lot right now too honestly, so I’m right there in it with you

 

[seabird]

It was good to get a few things accomplished. My emotions evened out a littlr, once the basic necessities were covered. A bare bones existence is better than nothing.

 

[seabird]

I guess shame
Like happiness
Is not a noun

 

[seabird]

What has happened to me? I try to understand, and

There's no answer except,
Your changes have been saved.

Is this a joke. No it is the post with a message at these crossroads right here.

I am not clever, I understand.

 

[GetOutOfMyMind]

I use to feel lonely when I was actually alone majority of my life. But now it's a different kind of loneliness. I feel alone even when I am with people. Like I am smiling but keeping my depression hidden - that sort of loneliness. It helps to know that each one of you have dealt and are dealing with loneliness as well. We are on the same boat, maybe not, but pretty much heading down the same river.

 

[seabird]

I'm gratedul for that too @Holding my breath; that we are able, using your metapbor, to reach across to each other's boat here on S F.
I have identified for me that chronic depression & anxiety are aspects of the same thing . Lately its like a boat - which I can control a bit. I have to choose to push, to exert myself. It's self-care of a sort.
Being aware of how lonely I was while with a partner is what brought about the decision to return to my home. Now I am alone. The fact that I asked them to come and was told no just made the loneliness sharper.

I can't heal. If I get started again before things go too dark, I can do things like exercise, which for brief periods stops the pain & softens the loneliness.

 

[seabird]

I got a small workout done. It's a start. I need something, a healthy goal, to cling to especially during winter. Next week is the 5k & then, what. Days getting short & colder feels fine in Autumn months, not so in January.

 

[nicktheundoer]

Just that I am so drained &
tired of lonleiness, which is different than being alone.
Can anyone relate?
I can and do enjoy alone time, not loneliness.

Yeah i get lonely too sometimes. I hope it gets better for us both.

 

[nicktheundoer]

The past few days have been alone time that doesn't feel lonely. I'm incredibly grateful for this.

That's awesome..

 

[seabird]

Went to the gym. I forgot what an amazing view there is from the windows. Core and leg workout.