Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD

[Foreignwoman]

@Witty_Sarcasm first of all, I admire you for being so honest about this to yourself. Maybe knowing this can help to sort things out a bit and knowing yourself is always better than not knowing why you feel like crap so often. It is absolutely treatable, and the good news is, when you get older, the symptoms become lesser.
In the meantime you can get counseling and medication to help you with this because it’s a serious illness. You already have those things. But...you can also do a lot to help yourself. Starting with reading about it. I wish you a lot of strength dealing with this and take your time to get used to this idea.
Hugs.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I don't like what I read online about borderlines being vindictive, mean, hateful, manipulative, evil, shady, attention seeking, whiny, etc. I would say I am none of these things, I don't do things to hurt others, only to hurt myself. But I am understanding how destructive this is to me and trying my best to keep it under control.

That's how a lot of people see it, but it isn't necessarily so.
I spoke to a therapist for 10 minutes on the phone (to see if she's right for me), one of the first things she said to me was that she doesn't mean to be insulting or anything but she's wondering if I've heard of borderline personality traits. She's not the first professional who has done that to me (one of the first things being to ask if I've BPD).
I know that a lot of people see it as negative, but essentially what it means is being extremely sensitive and living in an unstable world with black and white thinking (that's probably how I would sum it up) and it comes out really differently in people. Meaning one of my sisters, I'd describe her as volatile. Yet she's externally volatile. All her anger, hatred, fear would be expressed on others. Whereas with other people it'd be to themselves.
DBT is meant to be helpful - it's just meant to be skills for how to deal with different things and to learn to think differently (it's a version of CBT but has a lot more in it too)
I really like what @Foreignwoman said about reading up on it. Find people who write about their own experiences and see if you can relate (if you want can get you some blog links)
(((hugs)))

 

[Foreignwoman]

That's how a lot of people see it, but it isn't necessarily so.
I spoke to a therapist for 10 minutes on the phone (to see if she's right for me), one of the first things she said to me was that she doesn't mean to be insulting or anything but she's wondering if I've heard of borderline personality traits. She's not the first professional who has done that to me (one of the first things being to ask if I've BPD).
I know that a lot of people see it as negative, but essentially what it means is being extremely sensitive and living in an unstable world with black and white thinking (that's probably how I would sum it up) and it comes out really differently in people. Meaning one of my sisters, I'd describe her as volatile. Yet she's externally volatile. All her anger, hatred, fear would be expressed on others. Whereas with other people it'd be to themselves.
DBT is meant to be helpful - it's just meant to be skills for how to deal with different things and to learn to think differently (it's a version of CBT but has a lot more in it too)
I really like what @Foreignwoman said about reading up on it. Find people who write about their own experiences and see if you can relate (if you want can get you some blog links)
(((hugs)))

So true, everyone is different. The good news is, that people with BPD are often creative
My sister has BPD and she is very agressive, but that doesn’t mean all people with BPD are.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Thank you both, I truly appreciate your input and kind words.

 

[Butterfly]

Very interesting discussion. I think receiving the right diagnosis is important because some conditions respond better to certain types of medication and/or therapy than others but treatments can be universal to any disorder.

But I think many of us are initially misdiagnosed because we tend to only present to services when things are going badly and quite often we are diagnosed with how we present at that time rather than looking at the bigger picture. That’s why I always advise people to keep mood, sleep and activity diaries for those working towards a diagnosis. I think it helps doctors and therapists to understand the issues we have, any recurring patterns, where we’ve been and where we are now. It’s not just useful for bipolar disorder but for all disorders, especially for recognising triggers.

It’s also important to remember that some disorders can also have very similar symptoms. BP2 can have very similar symptoms to BPD for example and it’s possible to have comorbid diagnoses so we may struggle with multiple disorders. My official diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder with BPD/EUPD traits.

 

[Nick]

@Butterfly makes a good point here. I've been diagnosed with so many things over the years. I was diagnosed with BPD, but now that is up in the air again. I do believe it is helpful to know, but in the end it's about what treatment you respond to. I have a new and/or additional diagnosis now and given ALL my past history it makes sense. We aren't just looking at the current state, but things dating many years.

The other thing to keep in mind is that not everyone who presents with BPD exhibits the same traits. Stigma and bias are just that. They are the impression people have based on the limited information available. Much to many peoples surprise, perception is not reality.

@Witty_Sarcasm hang in there and remember that a diagnosis does not change who you are or who you have been. That's been a tough thing for me to remember.

 

[Aurelia]

Very interesting discussion. I think receiving the right diagnosis is important because some conditions respond better to certain types of medication and/or therapy than others but treatments can be universal to any disorder.

But I think many of us are initially misdiagnosed because we tend to only present to services when things are going badly and quite often we are diagnosed with how we present at that time rather than looking at the bigger picture. That’s why I always advise people to keep mood, sleep and activity diaries for those working towards a diagnosis. I think it helps doctors and therapists to understand the issues we have, any recurring patterns, where we’ve been and where we are now. It’s not just useful for bipolar disorder but for all disorders, especially for recognising triggers.

It’s also important to remember that some disorders can also have very similar symptoms. BP2 can have very similar symptoms to BPD for example and it’s possible to have comorbid diagnoses so we may struggle with multiple disorders. My official diagnosis is Bipolar Disorder with BPD/EUPD traits.

Yeah, the psychiatrist sees you for at most an hour during that initial evaluation. And if they don't ask the right questions or the patient isn't descriptive enough about their symptoms, a misdiagnosis is very likely to happen. Diagnosing a personality disorder takes knowing the patient's entire case history and that hour is often not enough time to provide all the necessary information.

 

[hellyeahwhatever]

hi, i'm sorry if I somehow made a new topic around BPD here but I just really need to find answers...

So... both my psychologist and psychiatrist told me that I might have BPD, based on the test they gave me... And recently I just broke up with my 2,5 years long boyfriend who happened to know for awhile that I've this BPD thing.. he broke me up..

I'm really heartbroken and I can only hope that he's feeling the same as well even though he talked like it's for the best of his sanity and other things that made me feel like I wasn't enough... like it's my fault because he's grown tired of me.

I just keep wondering... does BPD sufferers really that hard to deal with? To the point that even people feel leaving BPDs is the for the best... like... BPDs are just the worse partner you'd ever wanted.

I came across this forum, and what they're saying (as the normal partner who took care of their BPD partner) was that BPD really that hard to deal with and it's better to 'save' yourself from them before it's too late...

I don't know... I feel really hurt in a way when I read it... and looking at my own experience with him... I just feel very overwhelmed and disgusted of my own self... am I really that hard to be loved, am I really just not that worth it...

 

[Butterfly]

hi, i'm sorry if I somehow made a new topic around BPD here but I just really need to find answers...

So... both my psychologist and psychiatrist told me that I might have BPD, based on the test they gave me... And recently I just broke up with my 2,5 years long boyfriend who happened to know for awhile that I've this BPD thing.. he broke me up..

I'm really heartbroken and I can only hope that he's feeling the same as well even though he talked like it's for the best of his sanity and other things that made me feel like I wasn't enough... like it's my fault because he's grown tired of me.

I just keep wondering... does BPD sufferers really that hard to deal with? To the point that even people feel leaving BPDs is the for the best... like... BPDs are just the worse partner you'd ever wanted.

I came across this forum, and what they're saying (as the normal partner who took care of their BPD partner) was that BPD really that hard to deal with and it's better to 'save' yourself from them before it's too late...

I don't know... I feel really hurt in a way when I read it... and looking at my own experience with him... I just feel very overwhelmed and disgusted of my own self... am I really that hard to be loved, am I really just not that worth it...

Relationships with someone with BPD can be difficult but not always. It depends on what your symptoms are. I occasionally out of nowhere have fears of abandonment and rejection. With my partner I will start accusing him of stuff, with friends I just isolate because I get upset. It’s like you end up doing the exact thing that you don’t want to do and scared of happening. Some people with BPD also feel intense anger and rage. I personally don’t suffer with this but I know some people do. They fly off the handle at any one thing and it can feed into the other traits. If you combine those then it can make a relationship very difficult if these issues go unaddressed. It doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of being loved at all. Your bf probably loved you a lot but I know from experience that these personality traits can drive a wedge between you and your partner and you end up falling out of love.

Therapy can help you address these personality traits and why you get them and how to cope with them xx

 

[Innocent Forever]

hi, i'm sorry if I somehow made a new topic around BPD here but I just really need to find answers...

So... both my psychologist and psychiatrist told me that I might have BPD, based on the test they gave me... And recently I just broke up with my 2,5 years long boyfriend who happened to know for awhile that I've this BPD thing.. he broke me up..

I'm really heartbroken and I can only hope that he's feeling the same as well even though he talked like it's for the best of his sanity and other things that made me feel like I wasn't enough... like it's my fault because he's grown tired of me.

I just keep wondering... does BPD sufferers really that hard to deal with? To the point that even people feel leaving BPDs is the for the best... like... BPDs are just the worse partner you'd ever wanted.

I came across this forum, and what they're saying (as the normal partner who took care of their BPD partner) was that BPD really that hard to deal with and it's better to 'save' yourself from them before it's too late...

I don't know... I feel really hurt in a way when I read it... and looking at my own experience with him... I just feel very overwhelmed and disgusted of my own self... am I really that hard to be loved, am I really just not that worth it...

As @Butterfly said it depends and therapy really can change it.
It doesn't mean you aren't lovable or worth it. It means that it can be hard for people to handle it. And you can change some of it. Therapy isn't a magic wand - it's you doing the work with help.

 

[Aurelia]

For all my BPD people on here struggling. I know you can relate.

 

[hellyeahwhatever]

Relationships with someone with BPD can be difficult but not always. It depends on what your symptoms are. I occasionally out of nowhere have fears of abandonment and rejection. With my partner I will start accusing him of stuff, with friends I just isolate because I get upset. It’s like you end up doing the exact thing that you don’t want to do and scared of happening. Some people with BPD also feel intense anger and rage. I personally don’t suffer with this but I know some people do. They fly off the handle at any one thing and it can feed into the other traits. If you combine those then it can make a relationship very difficult if these issues go unaddressed. It doesn’t mean that you’re not worthy of being loved at all. Your bf probably loved you a lot but I know from experience that these personality traits can drive a wedge between you and your partner and you end up falling out of love.

Therapy can help you address these personality traits and why you get them and how to cope with them xx

As @Butterfly said it depends and therapy really can change it.
It doesn't mean you aren't lovable or worth it. It means that it can be hard for people to handle it. And you can change some of it. Therapy isn't a magic wand - it's you doing the work with help.

thank you so much for responding...

I managed to patch things up with him for 3-4 days, but then it didn't work. He left for good this time. And really I haven't had the time to see professionals and begin therapy... I intend to... but at times I think that why should I... He hates me so much already to the point that even if I manage to get better he wouldn't care..

I know that recovery is for me and not for him... but I really don't know how to detached myself from him, from making him the center of my thoughts and feelings.. I'm tired but I want things to get better, for me and for him and I

 

[Innocent Forever]

thank you so much for responding...

I managed to patch things up with him for 3-4 days, but then it didn't work. He left for good this time. And really I haven't had the time to see professionals and begin therapy... I intend to... but at times I think that why should I... He hates me so much already to the point that even if I manage to get better he wouldn't care..

I know that recovery is for me and not for him... but I really don't know how to detached myself from him, from making him the center of my thoughts and feelings.. I'm tired but I want things to get better, for me and for him and I

I actually understand that. I'm nervous about starting therapy with anyone (I hope to come the new year) because I know how much I obsess about a therapist - will constantly be thinking about her etc, and really can't be bothered for a person taking up so much room in my life.

By the way, if you get a good therapist (and there are plenty of good ones, but it has to be one who works well with you) then it might change - you might want to get better for you not him. For now, you're allowed to get better for him. You never know where life will lead you...

 

[Walker]

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[Innocent Forever]

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More of a curse than a blessing. I promise.

 

[Aurelia]

I heard a quote last night, and this seemed like the proper place to share it because I know how many of you have probably been insulted and ridiculed for what you believe.

"The only difference between insanity and belief lies in the number of believers."

Bottom line: You are not necessarily insane for believing something that most people don't, just like you are not necessarily sane for believing something that the majority believes.

And don't fucking let anyone tell you otherwise.

 

[Aurelia]

I wish people would be more mindful of what they say and how they say it. They have no idea how heightened our emotions are, and how one or two words can fuck us up for an entire day. What feels like a papercut to you feels like 1000 to us.

 

[Ash600]

That's the thing sadly, for some people the only time they open their mouths is to change feet.
They seem to speak before they think and at times makes you wonder if their mouths are nothing but a secondary arsehole.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I wish people would be more mindful of what they say and how they say it. They have no idea how heightened our emotions are, and how one or two words can fuck us up for an entire day. What feels like a papercut to you feels like 1000 to us.

lol now you're reminding me of AH. He used to say that to me.
I used the analogy of an earthquake. What I know logically is maybe a 1 on the richter scale registers as a 10 or 100.

 

[Innocent Forever]

I wrote about this in my journal thread. I'm guessing it would come in here. I don't really know how to make sense of it.

Why when it comes to people being there I go from one extreme to the other. If a person doesn't respond it means they aren't there and never will be, and when they do reply I don't know how to handle it.
It a person isn't there it means they'll never be there. Though then when they are it goes back. And forth. And leaves me confused. And how am I meant to respond when someone is there when they weren't? They don't deserve it. Even if it's about me. And it's just, confuzzling. I don't know........... And I don't really understand it, for it doesn't really make any sense at all.

When it gets too much, even if theoretically there's nothing happened (like I was journaling about this before) I just cut off somehow. Not sure if this has any connection to the above or not.