Sometimes I wonder, in the past I've been diagnosed with PTSD, then bipolar, which was said to be false. Depression, true but on the same medicine for many years. I have to hide this for everyone and function to pay my Bill's, but suffer. I feel so numb inside and continuously have fantasies about suicide. I cant imagine a peaceful life or to live the life that I want. It seems to be full of worry. Plus, my way of earning money is a trigger. Sometimes, most if the time I want to put an end to it all.
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Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD? | Signs of BPD
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I am sorry that you are struggling. May I suggest that the name of the actual diagnosis isn't always so important. I used to get so frustrated when doctors couldn't make up their minds if I was MDD, Bipolar, Borderline, or some other label. After realizing that no matter what afflicted me, I would benefit from some type of therapy, my outlook changed. After all, we are all perfectly imperfect and could use some guidance.
I hope things get easier for you. Hang in there.
I hope things get easier for you. Hang in there.
Misdiagnosing people, I think, can have a severe impact on whether or not they get the right kind of therapy. I was misdiagnosed with DPD at first, and had I went with that diagnosis without question, I think I'd be a lot more confused as to what my issues are and how to treat them. But I do agree with you that labels aren't the most important thing in the world. Regardless of the label, the issues stay the same.
i have i think 9 diagnoses now. and true true true my issues are always the same one way or the other. it is almost as if they fan out a deck of cards and pick diagnoses. a little like astrology. the descriptions sound good and can apply and each of my diags might be the right one or just another one.
and all the while, people tell me that i’m making progress or they suggest things that are totally off the wall as if i really need the help. and therapists and doctors suggest strategies or meds and provide therapy and sometimes the rug gets pulled out from under. so i wonder Lane, (i don’t know you, but) i often think i just feel things more than other people - maybe a lot of people here do - maybe you too? and maybe that is what makes it hurt so much and at the same time makes so many of us keep on going. ok it may be a f88ked up life but by living we’re winning too. i really have no idea how i managed to get this far in life and why i want to keep on going - or even if i want to keep on going - but i do seem to keep on going. i think that finding people here to be with even superficially and or time to time, is just a nice aspect of my life so if i achieve nothing else maybe no one enjoys life at all except for us, the ones who share these struggles.
and all the while, people tell me that i’m making progress or they suggest things that are totally off the wall as if i really need the help. and therapists and doctors suggest strategies or meds and provide therapy and sometimes the rug gets pulled out from under. so i wonder Lane, (i don’t know you, but) i often think i just feel things more than other people - maybe a lot of people here do - maybe you too? and maybe that is what makes it hurt so much and at the same time makes so many of us keep on going. ok it may be a f88ked up life but by living we’re winning too. i really have no idea how i managed to get this far in life and why i want to keep on going - or even if i want to keep on going - but i do seem to keep on going. i think that finding people here to be with even superficially and or time to time, is just a nice aspect of my life so if i achieve nothing else maybe no one enjoys life at all except for us, the ones who share these struggles.
@extraterrestrialone I do think some people feel things more than others or can feel for others. After reading your list and others, regardless of the method that they use to treat a person in therapy, it boils down to, at least for me, the therapist. There are two that were really good, that brought things from the past in connection with the current time. I'm grateful for that.
Like you, I'm surprised that I've made it this far and it would be a shame to give up now, ha. Almost amazing. Although there are others who've had and have it far worse I'm sure.
SF has for me at least been somewhere that I don't have to hide how I feel. Even though I sometimes feel that I'm beyond repair. Ugh, it's that negative thinking, have to work on that.
Like you, I'm surprised that I've made it this far and it would be a shame to give up now, ha. Almost amazing. Although there are others who've had and have it far worse I'm sure.
SF has for me at least been somewhere that I don't have to hide how I feel. Even though I sometimes feel that I'm beyond repair. Ugh, it's that negative thinking, have to work on that.
You bring up a valid point. Misdiagnosis can be downright harmful in some circumstances. I did not mean to say that a diagnosis isn't important at all. It can be a useful tool. It can offer relief. It is also always subjective to whatever 'professional' happens to be bestowing his/her opinion upon you at any given moment as if it is medical fact. The nature of 'mental illness' leaves the vulnerable and exposed open to manipulation by the very doctors they seek help from.
I suppose the lesson that I have personally learned is to take my 'diagnosis' with a grain of salt.
I suppose the lesson that I have personally learned is to take my 'diagnosis' with a grain of salt.
Thanks @BiPolarParadise. I'm glad that you've come to terms with the doctors sometimes not able to make up their minds. Sometimes the symptoms sound similar I guess. I'm no expert...and I guess they aren't either, but it sure helps if they are good at their job. I was actually pleased when one pointed out PTSD, because I was able to understand where certain feelings were coming from. Also the bipolar, in retrospect, the doctor may have been correct or it may have been restlessness, don't know. Sorry off on a tangent.
No worries @Foreignwoman. I really enjoyed chatting with you too. It has been a good experience being here for a few months now I believe. Thanks for the kind words. You know, there are good days and bad days...I'm better when I'm occupied, ha. I hope you had a good day and a good week too. Positive thoughts. 
:cool::rolleyes:
:cool::rolleyes:
This is so true! Ive been through so many psychiatrists and therapists over the decades. I'm not afraid to fire someone if they just aren't working for me. I'm so fortunate to currently have an experienced therapist that I trust and can be honest with. I choose not to even deal with psychiatrists anymore.
@BiPolarParadise @AsphyxiateOnWords
The system needs to be changed. I understand that it is the therapists' jobs/careers, but actually, they do not really have a right to be able to stop in the middle because of money. A surgeon wouldn't do that . And aside from that, I think therapy really needs to be considered a 24/7 job. Ok I know that is crazy, but the illness is 24/7 so help needs to be 24/7 too. That might keep many people from snapping. I know this is not a simple thing and not practical from certain points of view, but I'm looking at this from the perspective of making the world a better place where healing is probable and soon, not just maybe in several years
The system needs to be changed. I understand that it is the therapists' jobs/careers, but actually, they do not really have a right to be able to stop in the middle because of money. A surgeon wouldn't do that . And aside from that, I think therapy really needs to be considered a 24/7 job. Ok I know that is crazy, but the illness is 24/7 so help needs to be 24/7 too. That might keep many people from snapping. I know this is not a simple thing and not practical from certain points of view, but I'm looking at this from the perspective of making the world a better place where healing is probable and soon, not just maybe in several years
But I mean, really, it is just that, they got paid for it. Does that mean they are really there for us? Or is it just a role they play like another paid job? I went to my therapist once every two weeks, and that was too much for me. Sure, I don’t suffer from personality disorder, so I don’t need therapy that much. I can see why you say it must be a 24/7 service though. People who need it, deserve that, the alternative is hospitalization and that’s the last resort.
My first former therapist made it very clear that she was not going anywhere; that she'd always be here for me. We shared so much within the confines of therapy and when the system destroyed my therapy, it was a very distanced therapist that she was in transition to my supposed replacement therapy, which did not materialize for 8 bleeping months. I still feel the pain of that. It's a hard cold DARK AGES system that would do that, and it left so much doubt, questioning and hurt, that my therapist was so ok with the "necessary" abandoning.
My therapist thinks it's likely I have BPD, but she is not ruling out bipolar, either. I'm already doing CBT which is helping, but she may start doing DBT as well. I wonder how much I fit all of the symptoms...
-Intense emotions that can last from anywhere between a few hours and a few days but can change very quickly e.g. feeling happy in the morning but feel depressed or angry in the afternoon.
The way I see this...my moods can change really rapidly and it can be exhausting. Like suicidal one minute, 10 minutes later I'm laughing about something.
-Fear of abandonment.
I don't actively push people away, but I constantly worry that I will end up alone, as many of my relationships have ended with people ghosting me, no matter how kind or caring I am to them.
-Extreme reactions. This can include panic, depression or rage usually from feelings of abandonment or perceived feelings.
Not so much rage, but definitely panic and depression. If I think someone is upset with me or they don't like me anymore, mostly I'm in very much pain and don't want to be around anymore.
-Unstable relationships. One moment you may feel close to and love somebody but the next you may feel very angry towards them or dislike them.
I don't really end up disliking people, but I do get attached to them. I also get scared because I don't want them to leave.
-Impulsive, reckless and dangerous behaviour e.g. engaging in unsafe sex, spending sprees, taking illegal drugs, drinking excessively, binge eating, making yourself sick etc.
I used to binge drink but not anymore. All it did was make me sick. I was smoking too even though I'm not a smoker. I just did it to pollute myself. I did smoke pot for a bit to deal with the feelings. I self-harmed for a while but haven't for years now, though I still get the urge. I have had a problem with excessive eating but I'm actually ok with that now. I also have problems with spending, but it's not to an extreme because I am not rich.
-Unstable self-image or sense of worth that can result in sudden changes of mood, opinions, values and plans.
I really just don't know what I want most of the time and it gets confusing.
-Recurrent thoughts of self-harm and suicide. You may also self-harm in reaction to an event or change of mood.
I would say so, especially when triggered. But I see that as a last resort now.
-Feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
I often feel this way, especially when alone. I don't know how to get rid of it.
-Have trouble with controlling anger and rage.
I would say I am not as rageful as in my younger years, but I get angry every now and then.
-When you are under stress you may also feel numb and detached from the world, or you may begin to have paranoid thoughts and experience psychosis.
Yes, I seem to dissociate a lot, as I am observing myself from outside myself.
-Black and white thinking. Something either is or it isn’t, there is no reasoning in between.
I can be that way with some issues, but I am usually fairly reasonable.
I don't like what I read online about borderlines being vindictive, mean, hateful, manipulative, evil, shady, attention seeking, whiny, etc. I would say I am none of these things, I don't do things to hurt others, only to hurt myself. But I am understanding how destructive this is to me and trying my best to keep it under control.
-Intense emotions that can last from anywhere between a few hours and a few days but can change very quickly e.g. feeling happy in the morning but feel depressed or angry in the afternoon.
The way I see this...my moods can change really rapidly and it can be exhausting. Like suicidal one minute, 10 minutes later I'm laughing about something.
-Fear of abandonment.
I don't actively push people away, but I constantly worry that I will end up alone, as many of my relationships have ended with people ghosting me, no matter how kind or caring I am to them.
-Extreme reactions. This can include panic, depression or rage usually from feelings of abandonment or perceived feelings.
Not so much rage, but definitely panic and depression. If I think someone is upset with me or they don't like me anymore, mostly I'm in very much pain and don't want to be around anymore.
-Unstable relationships. One moment you may feel close to and love somebody but the next you may feel very angry towards them or dislike them.
I don't really end up disliking people, but I do get attached to them. I also get scared because I don't want them to leave.
-Impulsive, reckless and dangerous behaviour e.g. engaging in unsafe sex, spending sprees, taking illegal drugs, drinking excessively, binge eating, making yourself sick etc.
I used to binge drink but not anymore. All it did was make me sick. I was smoking too even though I'm not a smoker. I just did it to pollute myself. I did smoke pot for a bit to deal with the feelings. I self-harmed for a while but haven't for years now, though I still get the urge. I have had a problem with excessive eating but I'm actually ok with that now. I also have problems with spending, but it's not to an extreme because I am not rich.
-Unstable self-image or sense of worth that can result in sudden changes of mood, opinions, values and plans.
I really just don't know what I want most of the time and it gets confusing.
-Recurrent thoughts of self-harm and suicide. You may also self-harm in reaction to an event or change of mood.
I would say so, especially when triggered. But I see that as a last resort now.
-Feelings of loneliness and emptiness.
I often feel this way, especially when alone. I don't know how to get rid of it.
-Have trouble with controlling anger and rage.
I would say I am not as rageful as in my younger years, but I get angry every now and then.
-When you are under stress you may also feel numb and detached from the world, or you may begin to have paranoid thoughts and experience psychosis.
Yes, I seem to dissociate a lot, as I am observing myself from outside myself.
-Black and white thinking. Something either is or it isn’t, there is no reasoning in between.
I can be that way with some issues, but I am usually fairly reasonable.
I don't like what I read online about borderlines being vindictive, mean, hateful, manipulative, evil, shady, attention seeking, whiny, etc. I would say I am none of these things, I don't do things to hurt others, only to hurt myself. But I am understanding how destructive this is to me and trying my best to keep it under control.