BPD Support Thread

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Yep. And they act like we're the fucking crazy ones when we haven't heard from them all goddamned day (well, at least, in the case of marriage that would be unusual). It's like, it really doesn't take much effort at all to say "I'm ok." so that I know you're fucking alive.

I just need to stop expecting anything from people. That way I won't be disappointed.

 

[Aurelia]

I just need to stop expecting anything from people. That way I won't be disappointed.

I tried so hard to do that, you have no idea. He's done it to me dozens and dozens of times, so one would think I'd wisen up and just stop expecting an answer to begin with. But the problem is, when you really, legitimately care about someone's wellbeing it's so much easier said than done, no matter how many times it happens.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I tried so hard to do that, you have no idea. He's done it to me dozens and dozens of times, so one would think I'd wisen up and just stop expecting an answer to begin with. But the problem is, when you really, legitimately care about someone's wellbeing it's so much easier said than done, no matter how many times it happens.

I just feel like I want to cut people out of my life. It's stone cold but then I don't get hurt that way. I'm just really sick of my feelings not mattering at all.

 

[Aurelia]

I just feel like I want to cut people out of my life. It's stone cold but then I don't get hurt that way. I'm just really sick of my feelings not mattering at all.

Thats understandable. I've felt that way too...leave before they leave. But also, remember that you do have to trust some people at some points too, you know? Because if you trust absolutely no one and don't let anyone in at all, you're going to be by yourself. Its a hard pill to swallow for me as well, but it's the truth. It's just more so a matter of knowing who deserves your trust and who doesn't. When I first meet someone new, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt unless they give me good reason not to.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Thats understandable. I've felt that way too...leave before they leave. But also, remember that you do have to trust some people at some points too, you know? Because if you trust absolutely no one and don't let anyone in at all, you're going to be by yourself. Its a hard pill to swallow for me as well, but it's the truth. It's just more so a matter of knowing who deserves your trust and who doesn't. When I first meet someone new, I try to give them the benefit of the doubt unless they give me good reason not to.

You're really right about that. It's just a constant fear of getting hurt again.
I wrote a little ditty that's in the style of an Oompa Loompa song...lol. It made me laugh at least.

You've caught me in a BPD split
Better get out before I have a huge fit
I love you and I hate you, it's all the same to me
I'll cut you out so fast and I'll do it with glee
My heart of glass is now a heart of stone
You'd be better off just leaving me the fuck alone
But when I have no one, it'll finally sink in
I've just gone and fucked up my life all over again.

 

[Aurelia]

You're really right about that. It's just a constant fear of getting hurt again.
I wrote a little ditty that's in the style of an Oompa Loompa song...lol. It made me laugh at least.

You've caught me in a BPD split
Better get out before I have a huge fit
I love you and I hate you, it's all the same to me
I'll cut you out so fast and I'll do it with glee
My heart of glass is now a heart of stone
You'd be better off just leaving me the fuck alone
But when I have no one, it'll finally sink in
I've just gone and fucked up my life all over again.

I know you're afraid of those intense emotions. And so am I. But look at me, for instance, my marriage of 9 years is basically over and I'm not in the fetal position on the floor going into a suicidal tailspin. I can't say I'm not upset, but at this point, I've been through so much and felt so much, so intensely, that this is just another one of those things to me right now. And I've already learned that I'm more resilient than I ever believed I was before. I think the same could be the case for you, if you stop underestimating yourself. Things can get better, and you can still be relatively okay, no matter what life brings your way.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I know you're afraid of those intense emotions. And so am I. But look at me, for instance, my marriage of 9 years is basically over and I'm not in the fetal position on the floor going into a suicidal tailspin. I can't say I'm not upset, but at this point, I've been through so much and felt so much, so intensely, that this is just another one of those things to me right now. And I've already learned that I'm more resilient than I ever believed I was before. I think the same could be the case for you, if you stop underestimating yourself. Things can get better, and you can still be relatively okay, no matter what life brings your way.

I think in some ways, I'm more numb to stuff than it was before. I can't tell if that's good or bad, but it just is.

 

[Aurelia]

I think in some ways, I'm more numb to stuff than it was before. I can't tell if that's good or bad, but it just is.

I think it's good. It's that resilience I'm talking about. I started feeling that too. At times, it was confusing because one day I'd be numb to something (especially if I was also angry) and then another day I'm be back to being anxious again, so I thought the progress wasn't there. But in reality, it still was. It's just that change is a slow process is all.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I think it's good. It's that resilience I'm talking about. I started feeling that too. At times, it was confusing because one day I'd be numb to something (especially if I was also angry) and then another day I'm be back to being anxious again, so I thought the progress wasn't there. But in reality, it still was. It's just that change is a slow process is all.

I wish I could process it like a normal person, but not sure if I ever can.

 

[Aurelia]

I wish I could process it like a normal person, but not sure if I ever can.

Neither can I, but come on, can you honestly really tell me you want to be normal? Sure, there are many things about this disorder that absolutely blow, but there are also some things that open my eyes to beauty that normal people can't/won't see. And that, I am quite fond of, and don't want to let it go.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Neither can I, but come on, can you honestly really tell me you want to be normal? Sure, there are many things about this disorder that absolutely blow, but there are also some things that open my eyes to beauty that normal people can't/won't see. And that, I am quite fond of, and don't want to let it go.

That's true, I just hate the bad parts of the disorder.

 

[Aurelia]

That's true, I just hate the bad parts of the disorder.

Me too, C. But I look at it as both a blessing and a curse.

 

[Angie74]

I hope I get to a stage where I can see the "blessing" part.

 

[Angie74]

What I don't get is that my BPD seems to be intensifying with time. I thought it was supposed to get somewhat better with age. Ha. You think I would have worn out my poor amygdala by now. The brain that won't stop. Constant fear/anxiety. Relentless. But do you think I can remember anything short term? Nope. I read somewhere once that depression and other mental disorders actually damage your brain. But then, there is supposed to be neuroplascticy. (can't spell it) So maybe there's hope. This post doesn't make much sense, but what the hell, I'll post it anyway. Forgive my ramblings...

 

[Lane]

What I don't get is that my BPD seems to be intensifying with time. I thought it was supposed to get somewhat better with age. Ha. You think I would have worn out my poor amygdala by now. The brain that won't stop. Constant fear/anxiety. Relentless. But do you think I can remember anything short term? Nope. I read somewhere once that depression and other mental disorders actually damage your brain. But then, there is supposed to be neuroplascticy. (can't spell it) So maybe there's hope. This post doesn't make much sense, but what the hell, I'll post it anyway. Forgive my ramblings...

Hi @Angie74 . I feel so numb a lot of the time, I wonder if it's still there and I'm 5 years older than you. But I really think it's the medicine. Sometimes I wonder if I still have it or was I misdiagnosed? I don't know. No worries about rambling, an important topic for sure. Maybe it is a blessing, your brain always thinking, alert. 😄

 

[Aurelia]

You know what...taking a few slutty pictures and strip-teasing/headbanging to some metal really satisfies my inner Borderline...

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You know what...taking a few slutty pictures and strip-teasing/headbanging to some metal really satisfies my inner Borderline...

Ok, this all sounds very intriguing. lol

 

[Aurelia]

Ok, this all sounds very intriguing. lol

Lol. I needed something to lift my mood and that certainly did it.

 

[Aurelia]

Plus, also, I worked up a sweat, haha. It burns some decent calories too.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Plus, also, I worked up a sweat, haha. It burns some decent calories too.

And the view is pretty good, too. Ok, I'll stop now.