BPD Support Thread

[Gwyrdd]

I was upset the other day because my mom couldn't breathe, and usually that's not a good thing with Covid. Then I was crying and stuff and she told people at her job that I was doing that. And she's like "Is this part of your illness?" So every time I'm emotional, she just attributes that to BPD and it's annoying. Sometimes it's just a normal range of emotions.

We're not allowed having real emotions. It's all bpd to everyone. Even when we know the difference.

 

[Aves]

Yes because the only people who seem to get it are those who have BPD.

Definitely, and the only other people who I actually know with bpd are the people on this forum. My husband has gotten a lot better at understanding it over the years we’ve been together but I still can’t quite talk about it with him as openly as I can here.

 

[Gwyrdd]

I’m sorry that happened, I’ve had problems with bingeing alcohol and drugs but never to the point of addiction.
Maybe symptoms peak at a certain point for some people? Or maybe in some people they do get worse? I suppose everyone with bpd is different and even though the symptoms and characteristics are the same I suppose it can affect everybody differently.

Yeah, I've just been isolating lately. If Im never sober and never have anyone around to hurt me again I'll be fine. Especially if my symptoms continue to worsen, keeping ME out of others lives protects them as much as myself

 

[Gwyrdd]

Definitely, and the only other people who I actually know with bpd are the people on this forum. My husband has gotten a lot better at understanding it over the years we’ve been together but I still can’t quite talk about it with him as openly as I can here.

My boyfriend literally said "I can't be empathic or consoling today. My brain just isn't up for it" like 5 days again, and I lost my shit and overdosed. So that proved that people can love you, and understand your needs and STILL not have the capacity to give you what you need.

I'm fully understanding of why he couldn't, and aware that it was neither his fault (he has his own mental demons) or malicious. But being completely open with pw/oBPD just seems impossible and kinda pointless/hopeless.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Yeah, I've just been isolating lately. If Im never sober and never have anyone around to hurt me again I'll be fine. Especially if my symptoms continue to worsen, keeping ME out of others lives protects them as much as myself

You're not as bad as you think you are. At least I don't feel that way. But I get it because I feel like I hurt everyone somehow. Even though I don't intend to.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

My boyfriend literally said "I can't be empathic or consoling today. My brain just isn't up for it" like 5 days again, and I lost my shit and overdosed. So that proved that people can love you, and understand your needs and STILL not have the capacity to give you what you need.

I'm fully understanding of why he couldn't, and aware that it was neither his fault (he has his own mental demons) or malicious. But being completely open with pw/oBPD just seems impossible and kinda pointless/hopeless.

Which sucks but at least they could try to be more understanding.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I was pretty messed up emotionally for a while. Like on the verge of a breakdown. Don't know if it was something BPD or what. Although I don't feel that way now because I'm not too sick anymore, out of quarantine, and have some time away from my mom.

 

[Aves]

My boyfriend literally said "I can't be empathic or consoling today. My brain just isn't up for it" like 5 days again, and I lost my shit and overdosed. So that proved that people can love you, and understand your needs and STILL not have the capacity to give you what you need.

I'm fully understanding of why he couldn't, and aware that it was neither his fault (he has his own mental demons) or malicious. But being completely open with pw/oBPD just seems impossible and kinda pointless/hopeless.

I get that, my husband sometimes gets pissed off when I say “you’ll never fully understand this” like I’m insulting his capacity to understand but that’s not it at all. Like I just want him to be able to swap minds with me so he can see what’s going on in this piece of shit brain of mine. It gets so frustrating, I just want him to be me for a day.

 

[Gwyrdd]

He's done the research, he listens to me most of the time. But he's honestly as close to us in symptoms as most people can get. ADHD, depression, and PTSD. The massive overlap of symptoms between adhd and bpd is already enough tbh. Emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitive dysphoria, dopamine dysfunction. And honestly those 3 things are the majority of what cause bpd symptoms. And they're present in most adhd people.

And yet, I STILL have problems. So if someone can not only understand through research but also through experience. And still have trouble with communication, where is the hope for me with NTs?

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

I had a breakdown of sorts in 2015, sort of lost touch with reality. That's when I got put on meds the first time. And I wasn't Dx'ed with borderline until 2018, even though I know I've had it since...well let's say since I was in my 20's at least. Once I knew what it was, I knew I had it. I just didn't get help until I was in my 30's.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

He's done the research, he listens to me most of the time. But he's honestly as close to us in symptoms as most people can get. ADHD, depression, and PTSD. The massive overlap of symptoms between adhd and bpd is already enough tbh. Emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitive dysphoria, dopamine dysfunction. And honestly those 3 things are the majority of what cause bpd symptoms. And they're present in most adhd people.

And yet, I STILL have problems. So if someone can not only understand through research but also through experience. And still have trouble with communication, where is the hope for me with NTs?

Hard to relate to NT's though, because their brains are normal and ours are not. Well, at least that's how I feel about it. I had to explain to my mom that several parts of my brain are actually damaged from this. Or at least they operate differently.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Hey @Aurelia, tell us what you're up to lately.

 

[Aurelia]

Hey @Aurelia, tell us what you're up to lately.

Lmao...put me on the spot, why don't ya. Thanks, C. Love you too, haha.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Lmao...put me on the spot, why don't ya. Thanks, C. Love you too, haha.

Um duh, of course I love putting all my friends on the spot.
And you'll take it and like it. Did I get that quote right? lol

 

[Aurelia]

Um duh, of course I love putting all my friends on the spot.
And you'll take it and like it. Did I get that quote right? lol

Haha. Okay, to anyone who may be reading this, I said that quote to her in a totally different context than it probably seems, LOL.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

Haha. Okay, to anyone who may be reading this, I said that quote to her in a totally different context than it probably seems, LOL.

I know, but it sounds filthy and I like it.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

It's about Christmas gifts, and honestly I don't need anything. I'm the one who does things for other people.

 

[Aurelia]

I know, but it sounds filthy and I like it.

You just like being dominated, lol. You dirty girl, you.

 

[Witty_Sarcasm]

You just like being dominated, lol. You dirty girl, you.

Well I mean...I never have been so I don't know. lol

 

[Gwyrdd]

Hard to relate to NT's though, because their brains are normal and ours are not. Well, at least that's how I feel about it. I had to explain to my mom that several parts of my brain are actually damaged from this. Or at least they operate differently.

Our prefrontal context is literally less functional and our hippocampus lacks the proper dopamine receptors. It's why addiction in borderlines is at a 78% incidence.