Hey givenuponlife,
I am not in a place where I can tell you everything you need to hear because I am also suicidal and depressed. One thing I have learned through all of my attempts to kill myself is that there is always hope of finding a better life. For me, I am suicidal because no one loves me. This was soon after a friend of mine stopped helping me through my depression. Recently, I met a random person and she loves me very much. Keep fighting the good fight, things will get better but YOU have to also put in the effort. Change if you need to just start trying to better your life, exercise, work, socialize more, and just cleaning clutter in my room all helps for me. Find the small things that help temporarily and eventually you will gradually begin to feel better.
Hope this helps.