Dealing with guilt

[BlueTyger]

I'm not sure if this thread fits here but I coudn't find a better category.

Also sorry for posting so much lately, lots of stuff going on...

In the last months, I have constantly been feeling guilty. Guilty about being alive, about bothering people, about the most tiny and meaningless thing like forgetting my jacket and having someone get it for me. It's becoming unbearable, makes me want to ripp my skin of. Makes me want to kill myself so that I don't have to be a burden on people around me anymore.

I've been in a kind of association (is that the word? Something like a club) for the last year, and I constantly want to quit because I keep feeling like I'm a burden on them, just because I need to ask for advice/support sometimes or make mistakes.
Which is, of course, absolutely stupid because others make mistakes as well. But even though I know that, the guilt is ever present, like a voice in my head constantly telling me that I deserve to die because all I am is a burden to the people around me.

There is more that I wanted to write about this, but I'm a bit messed up right now and I can't think of it. Might add something later.

Thanks in advance for reading and answering, and sorry again about my horrible english.

~Blue

 

[may71]

It sounds like you are being really hard on yourself. Everyone needs some support sometimes. If everyone in the world who needed help asked for help, and everyone who could give help without too much trouble to themselves gave help, the world would probably be a much happier place.

There's nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it.

 

[Dawn]

Welcome. So sorry things are so difficult for u. It really helps to come here and be amongst others who understand. Please don't apologize because that's what sf is for! If u haven't tried meds or therapy it could help u. But no matter what we do care and will be here for u 24/7 anytime u need. Hope u feel better soon

 

[Stijn]

I've had similar feelings. Lots of guilt and shame that haunted me until it became unbearable. I too felt like I deserved to die. With the help from people here at SF and my psychologist I've learned to forgive myself again. It saved me. Please try to let go of the guilt and forgive yourself. If I can do it, you can do it!

 

[Petal]

Hi there, just letting you know I read your post and I care. You're not a nuisance, talk all you want. I think a psychologist could help a lot, help and get to the root of why you are feeling this way. Hope you feel better soon, keep posting if helps just know that you're not alone

 

[BlueTyger]

Hi may, dawn, stijn and petal. Thank you all so much for your kind words, I read them all and they helped a lot, but I didn't have the energy to answer earlier.
I feel a bit better right now, feels like life is giving me a short break to catch my breath.

I talked to my therapist about the guilt thing, but allthough I like him, this is only our fourth meeting so I don't want to get too personal yet. I really hope that I can work through this, because even though I'm rather ok right now, I'm still very scared that the guilt comes back and that next time it will be enough to kill me.

I think a big problem is that I really can't tell where it comes from. In theory, I know that I'm probably not bothering anyone, but my mind disagrees. I just don't understand how thing that insignificant can hurt me so much.

Thanks again for taking your time to answer ~Blue

 

[may71]

Thank you

You're welcome!

I didn't have the energy to answer earlier

That's ok