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Depression, Illness, and Reckless Stupidity

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#1
I'm not really sure how to post this. I guess I'll start by saying I made the monumentally stupid decision to drop my employer's health coverage last year. I was depressed (or more depressed than usual) about debt and household expenses, and in my depressed state, decided to drop coverage during open enrollment in order to free up another 150 dollars a month to cover household expenses.

Yeah, I know...dumb dumb and DUMB

Now I'm worried I have colon cancer. The symptoms all fit, and I am at a complete loss for what to do..I don't qualify for Medicaid or services from the free clinics in my city because I make more than 200% of the federal poverty level. There are a few hospitals that offer financial assistance, but I don't know if I'll qualify for their services either.

I know, why fret about possible cancer when you're suicidal most of the time.

I have a ten year old son and I don't want him to lose his dad at such a young age, flawed as I am ...

I just don't see any options at this point.

Even with my company's crappy health plan, I'd probably go bankrupt and die anyway..

What a fucking mess this is ... And what a fucking joke healthcare in the US is:(
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#2
I'm so sorry that you are struggling with the health care system in the US...as I agree it is a mess...wondered have you looked into options on the affordable health care program (you can go to a "storefront" agent for free to help with that process which I found quite helpful) and though may seem overwhelming I would look into the health care assistance programs at the local hospitals...and maybe check with health and human services dept as well...the bureaucracy is daunting I know and agree fully it shouldn't be so hard just to get affordable health care...please take care and remember that you do matter and that you aren't alone as we are all here for you...others may also have more ideas as well...so encourage you to keep posting...
 

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#3
I'm so sorry that you are struggling with the health care system in the US...as I agree it is a mess...wondered have you looked into options on the affordable health care program (you can go to a "storefront" agent for free to help with that process which I found quite helpful) and though may seem overwhelming I would look into the health care assistance programs at the local hospitals...and maybe check with health and human services dept as well...the bureaucracy is daunting I know and agree fully it shouldn't be so hard just to get affordable health care...please take care and remember that you do matter and that you aren't alone as we are all here for you...others may also have more ideas as well...so encourage you to keep posting...
Thank you for replying Kiwi2016...open enrollment for ACA plans doesn't start until November, and as I am offered insurance through my employer, I don't qualify for any premium subsidies. Enrollment at work doesn't come around again until March. I am going to bite the bullet and go to the doctor this week, and explain my situation.

I feel like it's the end of everything. Things don't seem real right now..


Be careful what you wish for. :(
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#4
I am sorry to hear that but am glad that you are going to your dr this week ...please keep us posted as to how it goes. And please take to heart that it is not the end of everything as you have so much to offer this world and to your son...so just take it one day at a time and hold onto that inner strength that has gotten you this far...as that spark is there inside you and know that you will get passed/through this...and also that you aren't alone as we are all here for you. Sending you hugs.
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
SF Supporter
#6
Could you pick up with the healthcare? If you apply for healthcare before you have a diagnoses, they should accept you, and then you'll have the coverage if anything is wrong... you can always tell them you stopped as you were depressed and now that you're feeling better you realize that you should have insurance. Either with that plan or any other....
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#7
Please take to heart that you don't deserve to die for this ...as you have too much to offer the world and your son....you are taking an important and pro-active step by talking with your doctor as would imagine she/he will be able to help you with this....sending you hugs.
 

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#8
I applied for a plan today, will find out tomorrow if they will write the policy. It is more than I can really afford, but I don't know what other option I have. And there's a good chance I'll get dropped anyway if I end up with a bad diagnosis.

But thank you @Innocent Forever and @Kiwi2016 for your kind words.

Will keep you posted...
 

Innocent Forever

Still innocent!
SF Supporter
#9
I applied for a plan today, will find out tomorrow if they will write the policy. It is more than I can really afford, but I don't know what other option I have. And there's a good chance I'll get dropped anyway if I end up with a bad diagnosis.

But thank you @Innocent Forever and @Kiwi2016 for your kind words.

Will keep you posted...
Good luck...
 

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#11
I just spent 30 minutes talking to the underwriter....I was completely honest, which means I'll probably get rejected..

I made an appointment with the gastroenterologist, earliest I could get in was next Thursday. I feel like the fuse is lit and wonder if I'll even live to make it to that appointment. And if I do and they confirm a cancer diagnosis, what then? I can't afford any kind of treatment. I'm behind on bills as it is.

What a fucking mess I made of my life..
 
#12
Sorry to hear that you are going through this

You may have reasons to fear that you have colon cancer, but you don't know that you do. Only the doctor will be able to confirm that. There's no use in worrying about this until you get a diagnosis.

You may want to try calling 211 or visiting 211.org. They can help connect you to healthcare.

open enrollment for ACA plans doesn't start until November
If what's needed is a surgical procedure, you might have to wait that long or almost that long anyway to have it scheduled.

So you might be able to schedule treatments now if they're needed, and your insurance would be in effect by the time you needed it.

In any case, there's no reason to worry until you get a diagnosis

Why I made such a dumb decision...I deserve to die
Please don't say that about yourself. The outcome of a decision doesn't mean you deserve death.

It may be that you don't have colon cancer, or it might be easily treated.

If you need money, it's understandable that you'd want to drop coverage.

what a fucking joke healthcare in the US is
I wish we had at least basic universal healthcare in the US
 

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#13
I managed to get an earlier appointment with the gastroenterologist, tomorrow at 3:45. I am just going to have to suck it up in terms of money, and hope for the best.

Mentally, I am working hard to prepare myself for the worst..
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#14
I am glad that you were able to make an appointment and I am sending you very very positive thoughts. I can understand preparing for the worst as I would do the same but remember also it may not be the worst case scenario. Please take to heart that you do matter and that you aren't alone as we are all here for you. So I encourage you to keep posting as though I know we aren't there IRL we are all here for you. Sending you hugs.
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#16
That is good that you were able to see your dr and get one scheduled. Sometimes they have cancellations so it can't hurt to ask if they would call you or if you should call them maybe at the beginning of the week as having done this know that the prep is a couple of days. Did the dr offer any thoughts on your symptoms? Sending you hugs and positive thoughts.
 

LonelyHiker

Waitering for Godot
#18
@Kiwi2016

Thank you for your support as I navigate this foul tunnel :(

He said it could be a number of things, including cancer. He scolded me a little about the insurance, but told me not to worry overmuch. Said "colon cancer is very treatable, blah blah blah.."

I am debating whether or not to refuse treatment if I do get a cancer diagnosis.

Thanks again for your support Kiwi, and for posting the pics...I appreciate it.

Tim
 

Kiwi2016

🦩 Now a flamingo, not a kiwi 🦩
Forum Pro
#20
Just remember it could be many different things and though hard wait to see what it is before you make any decisions. Sending you hugs and try to do something special for yourself this weekend as you deserve it for getting through this week.
 

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