Who'd a thunk it?
I think I was very mentally ill for a long time. I was stuck in really unhealthy ways of thinking and eventually in 2016 and very early 2017 it got so bad that everything was triggering to me; even common, everyday words caused me to despair and each time I despaired the...thoughts of despair became more...low quality and dysfunctional. Then, last spring, this just sorta changed, I got so much better, and I have a pretty good idea why!
You see, ever since I was a teenager I had these spiritual beliefs. I believed in life after death, I believed we were all grand spiritual beings who could be held to really high standards. I believed I would live forever, as would my loved ones. My reasons for believing these things were, well, not very good reasons. I basically believed it because I wanted it to be true, having skimmed through online articles about supposed evidence for the afterlife (mediums, near death experiences etc) and accepting it at face value because of that desire most of us have to live forever, or for our loved ones to live forever and be happy.
Last year I finally did my research and realized that this supposed evidence doesn't hold up. At all.
Which initially was a depressing realization but THEN! My other unhealthy ways of thinking, my depression, my often bizarre and rude/apparently cold behaviour, it all just started unraveling. The spiritual beliefs were the lynchpin.
They weren't the *cause* of my mental health problems but they were the foundation upon which so many of them were built.
I'm 27 now. I sat around waiting to die until I was 26. I thought that I would live forever. I was short with my family, I never had time for them, I was extremely ungrateful,while my parents did so much for me so that I would be happy. Went along with one particularly crazy, out of touch and childish idea and spent a lot of money on it, because they thought it would make me happy. I never fully appreciated them and I thought I didn't have to value my time with them because we'll have eternity together.
I thought I didn't have to life my life here because I don't want to live this life and I'll have forever in a better world anyway.
I thought belief in life after death and objective, spiritual meaning in the universe was a comfort but in reality it just kept me from living my life while I had the chance.
Having realized that
So...
I think there's a point in here, albeit a controversial one. Spiritual beliefs in themselves aren't a symptom of mental illness, but at least in my case they just made me ill and kept me from living my life.
I'm not claiming to be 100% healthy and rational now, but there has been a SIGNIFICANT improvement!
I think I was very mentally ill for a long time. I was stuck in really unhealthy ways of thinking and eventually in 2016 and very early 2017 it got so bad that everything was triggering to me; even common, everyday words caused me to despair and each time I despaired the...thoughts of despair became more...low quality and dysfunctional. Then, last spring, this just sorta changed, I got so much better, and I have a pretty good idea why!
You see, ever since I was a teenager I had these spiritual beliefs. I believed in life after death, I believed we were all grand spiritual beings who could be held to really high standards. I believed I would live forever, as would my loved ones. My reasons for believing these things were, well, not very good reasons. I basically believed it because I wanted it to be true, having skimmed through online articles about supposed evidence for the afterlife (mediums, near death experiences etc) and accepting it at face value because of that desire most of us have to live forever, or for our loved ones to live forever and be happy.
Last year I finally did my research and realized that this supposed evidence doesn't hold up. At all.
Which initially was a depressing realization but THEN! My other unhealthy ways of thinking, my depression, my often bizarre and rude/apparently cold behaviour, it all just started unraveling. The spiritual beliefs were the lynchpin.
They weren't the *cause* of my mental health problems but they were the foundation upon which so many of them were built.
I'm 27 now. I sat around waiting to die until I was 26. I thought that I would live forever. I was short with my family, I never had time for them, I was extremely ungrateful,while my parents did so much for me so that I would be happy. Went along with one particularly crazy, out of touch and childish idea and spent a lot of money on it, because they thought it would make me happy. I never fully appreciated them and I thought I didn't have to value my time with them because we'll have eternity together.
I thought I didn't have to life my life here because I don't want to live this life and I'll have forever in a better world anyway.
I thought belief in life after death and objective, spiritual meaning in the universe was a comfort but in reality it just kept me from living my life while I had the chance.
Having realized that
- We're not these grand spiritual beings who have forever with each other.
- We don't consciously decide to think our thoughts, or create them. They just happen.
- Our decisions are based on thoughts.
- This is my only chance to be conscious, my only chance to be anything.
- I only have limited time with my parents, this is my only chance to be a good son and show them I appreciate them.
- I need to live NOW, not later.
So...
I think there's a point in here, albeit a controversial one. Spiritual beliefs in themselves aren't a symptom of mental illness, but at least in my case they just made me ill and kept me from living my life.
I'm not claiming to be 100% healthy and rational now, but there has been a SIGNIFICANT improvement!