I was on the way out this past June when someone saved me. Someone who had their own problems but to me they were a beautiful human being and I loved them. They told me wonderful things, they became my reason for living. Now over the last few weeks they have withdrawn into their own world and I am no longer human. I can't function. I hate this place. I HATE it with every cell in my being. God damn every one of us. We have the capacity for such beauty, for such love, and all we do is crush our fellow beings for some kind of sick fucking sport. Or because we are too fucking stupid to breathe, or we just don't care about anything except our own little worlds. The only thing I could think to do was come here because I found kind souls here once before. But I am so broken and I want to leave this place. This person gave me faith, and then they robbed me of it. There is nothing left of me.
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Don't know what to say . . .
- Thread starter Nocturne
- Start date
- Tags depression suicide
- Status
Please let go of this anger for this person as you said they helped you.
We do each have our own individual lives to live. I had a young person (20) keep coming to me for help and I had to withdraw as I have two young children 2 & 5, work and college.
My children need me more than this person especially as my 5 year old was getting bullied physically at school and it still something I’m dealing with.
People need to focus on themselves sometimes.
Be safe and take care.
We do each have our own individual lives to live. I had a young person (20) keep coming to me for help and I had to withdraw as I have two young children 2 & 5, work and college.
My children need me more than this person especially as my 5 year old was getting bullied physically at school and it still something I’m dealing with.
People need to focus on themselves sometimes.
Be safe and take care.
I'm glad that you were able to find someone that helped, but I'm sorry that this person has withdrawn from you.
Did this person give a reason for withdrawing? Sometimes there are problems with relationships that can be fixed. I hope you can work things out with this person because it sounds like the meant, and still mean a lot to you.
Did this person give a reason for withdrawing? Sometimes there are problems with relationships that can be fixed. I hope you can work things out with this person because it sounds like the meant, and still mean a lot to you.
There actually is no anger toward them. My anger is toward the universe. Toward us as a species. But there is incredible disappointment in that she told me things which were - IDK. Delusional? They expressed feelings of love over and over again which cannot be real in light of recent behavior. How do you turn your back on someone you love, someone who you claim changed your life completely and for the better? And she has a 10 year old who has expressed they want to commit suicide on multiple occasions now. And honestly that is the only thing I can find that has somehow pushed her away - the only thing I have ever strongly pushed her on. I have been telling her she needs to get him professional help (many things about his behavior and their relationship aren't right) because she seems to treat it as if it is a passing phase. She made a very serious suicide attempt 3 years ago and her son saw what she went through. I am not angry at her but am incredibly hurt and bewildered at how she can't seem to see her son's situation as serious and needing a serious response. She would rather retreat into some damned fantasy world that makes no sense . . . she isn't living her life. She has chosen to live a lie. And in doing so has destroyed whatever was left of my soul. Like an idiot I knew she had problems - God knows we all have problems - but I believed in her. I trusted her and that she was good inside. And turn away to focus on herself? She had told me again and again I was the most positive influence in her life. The one person she could talk to. So you walk away from that? And if her son doesn't get the help he needs? None of it makes sense to me. This world doesn't make sense to me. To me her actions have just destroyed any chance at life making sense. I see benefit to no one.
I loved her completely May, without any reservation. With my whole heart. I am not one for half-measures. She just seemed to withdraw. I think she is retreating because she has guilt over what her children experienced as she once went through suicidal depression and psychosis, and now her son is showing troubling signs. Threats of suicide and obvious manipulation and control of her. Rather than face these things directly, it is easier for her to withdraw into her own little world. Rather than confront her son and deal with these obvious issue, she yields to him and literally lets a 10 year old dictate to her. (She just went off on a three day mini-vacation with him, leaving her 16 year old daughter at home as usual. Right after he expressed to her she looks "hot" in her jammies. And she can't see a serious problem?) I have spoken to my own therapist at length, and we are both horrified about how this poor child may turn out in life. And so I pressed her to get help for him and that is when she began to pull away. She would rather live a lie than face what is directly in front of her. To throw away her own happiness to "protect" her son - when what she is really doing is letting a 10 year old lose his childhood and any chance of learning how to be an adjusted adult able to have normal relationships. It is madness. She has an advanced degree in psychology and yet she can't seem to see . . .
I wonder if maybe she has BPD or some other condition that shapes how she relates to people. People with BPD often have short, very intense relationships, and intense, contradictory feelings of wanting to push others away while also not wanting to feel abandoned. People with BPD also tend to be very sensitive to criticism.
I'm not saying that she necessarily has BPD, or that all people with BPD are a particular way, but it might help to think that much of her behavior may be coming from her own psychological needs.
I'm not saying that she necessarily has BPD, or that all people with BPD are a particular way, but it might help to think that much of her behavior may be coming from her own psychological needs.
She has a diagnosis of bipolar, although I never thought it fit prior to this. She is on medication for it. She *is* very sensitive to criticism, so I was very reluctant to push her in regards to getting help for her son but he is only 10 and clearly needs help. Expressing the desire to kill himself when his mother and others in the family have a history of attempts (at least one successful). And other very worrisome, and at times inappropriate behavior. So I tried to gently press her telling her it was the loving thing to do and that I knew she was a loving person. I said it to her almost apologetically, but on the surface she took it well - while at the same time scaling back our communication gradually but drastically until nothing was left. (We were videoing most days prior.) Until one day she replied to a written message saying her absence was painful with something which basically read "Is there any hope for us?" I am still in shock. I trusted her. I knew she has issues, we all do, but I believed in her decency and goodness. I believed in the things she told me about her feelings. And now nothing makes sense to me. All these heartfelt exchanges which I lived for are gone, vanished like smoke. She was my sustenance . . . I only wanted to love her and make her life better.
Thanks to both of you . . . I have just lost it. Went to therapy kind of out of my mind. Sedatives and whiskey but mostly just raw emotions and was committed against my will. My therapist thought I was going to die in her office. Just got back home and honestly don't see any possible life. My girlfriend (ex I guess) left an e-mail the day after I was committed, basically saying I was being critical of her (and her son) and we were done. I really just want to end the pain. No matter what I do, I lose. All I ever wanted to do was love her, support her, and make her life better. Nothing on this planet makes ANY sense to me . . .
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