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Emotions We Feel and Emotions We Show

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#1
I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess it's a declaration of the self. I felt good just now. I connected with my inner self, which I've always treasured. I feel like I have two layers of emotions.

The inner layer has my pure self, the part of me that is ageless, that is pure, that is innocent, that has no hatred -- doesn't even understand what is hatred -- that loves everything.

The top layer has all the emotions of my everyday. It collects all the negativity from those around me and judges me and ridicules the emotions below, because it's scared of them. It knows that if they knew their power, they could overtake and cut through everything.

Now, I will admit the inner layer is wild. It's like riding a wild bull. Throughout my life, I have been scared of it. I have cried, wondering what to make it, trying to understand it, trying to control it, and hating myself when I can't. But when I feel good, I mean really good, happy -- happiest -- it's when I connect with these pure emotions and don't try to control them but let them free, like a bird set free. In those moments, I don't see my inner emotions as separate from me. I see that I am my emotions and my emotions are me. I don't mean the bullshit top-level asshole emotions; I mean the inner emotions that love everyone, love everything, see the intense beauty of the vibrant world around us.

But people ridicule when I reveal these inner emotions. They say they're corny and that I'm a fool. But when I'm brave and stand up for my self, my true self -- the immortal self big enough to swallow the Earth and Sky -- I know they're wrong. I know they're scared. They're scared by pure love. As soon as I realize that, their negativity is drowned out.

I don't know how much longer I have. I have dark thoughts, powered by the negativity I consume every day. I convince myself those emotions are my real emotions. They're not. I need to remind myself of who I am deep down.

If you are reading this, I know deep down you, too, are pure and are as iridescent as all existence. And if you don't think so, then I pray some day you will see the beauty inside you.
 

Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#2
Hello Alixer, it’s so great to see you on here. That you’re better than the last time I saw you! You’re a very good writer. I enjoyed reading that. I wish I had that kind of emotion where I could disconnect from the negativity. It’s not even people throwing negatives my way, it’s my own self doubt putting nasty thoughts it’s my head when I’m just about over my last bout, I have a few days sometimes weeks of feeling good about myself then boom I get these negative thoughts
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#3
Hello Alixer, it’s so great to see you on here. That you’re better than the last time I saw you! You’re a very good writer. I enjoyed reading that. I wish I had that kind of emotion where I could disconnect from the negativity. It’s not even people throwing negatives my way, it’s my own self doubt putting nasty thoughts it’s my head when I’m just about over my last bout, I have a few days sometimes weeks of feeling good about myself then boom I get these negative thoughts
Thank you for the kinda words. I wrote this because I struggle every day, every hour, maybe even more often than that but I’m scared to count, with negative thoughts. But I feel in my core that we are not our negative thoughts. I don’t know why they’re there.... Maybe they serve some kind of purpose? Whatever it is, they definitely overstay their welcome. I wish you a good fight. I know you have it in you to blast those thoughts away and carry the good stuff closer to your heart.
 
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Dinolaur

Human by day, Dino by night
#4
Thank you for the kinda words. I wrote this because I struggle every day, every hour, maybe even more often than that but I’m scared to count, with negative thoughts. But I feel in my core that we are not our negative thoughts. I don’t know why they’re there.... Maybe they serve some kind of purpose? Whatever it is, they definitely overstay their welcome. I wish you a good fight. I know you have it in you to blast those thoughts away and carry the good stuff closer to your heart.
You’re welcome :)
Yes they do very much so over stay their welcome! I know you told us a bit about you in chat that day, and all I can say is that you’re a very strong person and I admire you *hug
Someone was talking to me a few days ago about how sometimes fiction out weighs fact so your mind makes you think the fiction is infact the truth, so you automatically think the fact is the truth instead of finding out the facts. And looking at it, I 100% agree to what she told me. I hope you can find your fact with your negative thoughts before you believe the fiction :)
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#5
You’re welcome :)
Yes they do very much so over stay their welcome! I know you told us a bit about you in chat that day, and all I can say is that you’re a very strong person and I admire you *hug
Someone was talking to me a few days ago about how sometimes fiction out weighs fact so your mind makes you think the fiction is infact the truth, so you automatically think the fact is the truth instead of finding out the facts. And looking at it, I 100% agree to what she told me. I hope you can find your fact with your negative thoughts before you believe the fiction :)
That's very good advice. I'm going to try to practice that. Thanks *hug
 

Lekatt

Love Cats Love All
SF Supporter
#6
I don't know why I'm writing this. I guess it's a declaration of the self. I felt good just now. I connected with my inner self, which I've always treasured. I feel like I have two layers of emotions.

The inner layer has my pure self, the part of me that is ageless, that is pure, that is innocent, that has no hatred -- doesn't even understand what is hatred -- that loves everything.

The top layer has all the emotions of my everyday. It collects all the negativity from those around me and judges me and ridicules the emotions below, because it's scared of them. It knows that if they knew their power, they could overtake and cut through everything.

Now, I will admit the inner layer is wild. It's like riding a wild bull. Throughout my life, I have been scared of it. I have cried, wondering what to make it, trying to understand it, trying to control it, and hating myself when I can't. But when I feel good, I mean really good, happy -- happiest -- it's when I connect with these pure emotions and don't try to control them but let them free, like a bird set free. In those moments, I don't see my inner emotions as separate from me. I see that I am my emotions and my emotions are me. I don't mean the bullshit top-level asshole emotions; I mean the inner emotions that love everyone, love everything, see the intense beauty of the vibrant world around us.

But people ridicule when I reveal these inner emotions. They say they're corny and that I'm a fool. But when I'm brave and stand up for my self, my true self -- the immortal self big enough to swallow the Earth and Sky -- I know they're wrong. I know they're scared. They're scared by pure love. As soon as I realize that, their negativity is drowned out.

I don't know how much longer I have. I have dark thoughts, powered by the negativity I consume every day. I convince myself those emotions are my real emotions. They're not. I need to remind myself of who I am deep down.

If you are reading this, I know deep down you, too, are pure and are as iridescent as all existence. And if you don't think so, then I pray some day you will see the beauty inside you.
I feel the layers are like the heart and the mind. The real spiritual you and the illusion human you. They are both there, but only one is the real you, the eternal you. The one that loves compassion. I have to remind myself which one is the real me after I read the morning news. Love.
 

alixer

We are all one
SF Supporter
#7
I feel the layers are like the heart and the mind. The real spiritual you and the illusion human you. They are both there, but only one is the real you, the eternal you. The one that loves compassion. I have to remind myself which one is the real me after I read the morning news. Love.
You're so right.
 

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