Everything's fallen apart, and I'm not sure if I want to fix it

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by TheV01c3s, Dec 22, 2016.

  1. TheV01c3s

    TheV01c3s New Member

    I'm not sure what makes history repeat itself.
    I'm attractive. Good in bed. Loyal. Honest. Open minded. Giving.
    I play video games. I like hiking or exploring.
    Creative, a visual artist.
    Im a selfless lover, and I love hard.
    This is my 2nd "love", I'm 27. 8 years first. Currently 3 presently.
    Though, like it's like we just destroy each other and our lives. Until there's like, this disdain, but reminiscing over the connection we had, the shit we've been through, the friendship prior; we hold on.
    It's to the point to where I feel messed with.
    He makes me feel like I'm giving up on someone that truly loved me, and whatnot but Dailey choices, broken promises, and the downfall of overall treatment towards one another. Then it goes to the point where I feel like he feeds off fucking with me.

    I even started taking my happy pills again. Im still depressed but it's not as... Overcoming.
    The other kind of drugs add to the connections, voices, and immoral depravaty.
    Do I fall in love with people that don't love me, but love how I love them? Or do we love each other, but. Idk. Just selfish and indulgent people?

    Then there's all that, and trying to live as a transexual, m2f, is like. Great in the ways that most people don't know, and probably accept me more cause I'm attractive, but still, treated so differently. Being a gay male was way harder.
    Anyways. Im being pressured to go get smokes, or hang out. And I don't really want to hang out.
    He does make me smile a lot. And he has treated me amazingly. I think once I finally accepted it all, we were just to far gone.