First time in a while I can say I'm happy

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Father died when I was 4-5. Up until I was 13, I had near-constant self-isolation. It was all I knew. I would never do anything due to neglectfulness, and a lack of basic skills that had yet to be built. Even afterwards, suicidal depression still continued to weak havoc on my mental health, which I can safely say has been reversed in a positive direction, now. All of the typically suggested therapeutic methods had no effect, therapy, exercise, meditation, none. Though, I didn't pursue meds. I had done a lot of reflection, on the question of why I had yet to recover. It was a matter of me still lacking the want to live. I had no drive to want to live, in the first place. I still had the view that it was ultimately better to not live, no matter the circumstances of how your quality of life was. Perhaps, it was because I hadn't experienced anything that truly made me want to live. I had no perceived reasons to want it, had no experience of the delight that could turn from it. Afterall, everything that I had known upto that point was entirely negative. Hence, I sought a change in my lifestyle, aka circumstances. I became much more productive in achieving my daily tasks, started going out, the state finally phased-reopened, and had a better diet. And the mindset changed presently at 14 years of age. This is the first time in a while that I can say I am satisfied with my life, that the qualms are very much reduced, and I enjoy it. Granted, it could reverse or be hindered due to future events, even later in my life, as I am still only a teen. However, I feel as if I can say I have the coping skills, and community, that it could be dealt with in a positive manner. I know, at the very least, I can say I feel much better than ever in my entire life. Hope you all are doing well. Hugs.
 

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