Five months since my husband died

[Fleury Dragon]

Missing you so deeply right now. So hard being here thinking of you, remembering how much you mean to me. Found a photo on facebook that explains it well.

 

[Walker]

 

[Fleury Dragon]

Ty

 

[Gonz]

Wish there were words that could help. Just know that, much as it may hurt, your continued love for him still matters. A lot.

 

[Kira]

I don't have any words of true comfort but I'll have you in my thoughts and prayers Fleur. ox♡ox

 

[sinking_ship]

Fleur.

 

[BlueGreen]

Hugs to you Fleurise, I wish I had something more.

 

[KM76710]

Sad to hear and wishing you the best.

 

[1964dodge]

i just read you original post from years ago. it made me sad and brought a tear to my eye. you obviously loved each other very much and your love for each other will live on. my heart goes out to you and i hope you can become whole again in the future. try to live the life he would want you to live.....mike...

 

[Innocent Forever]

I wish there something I could say...
I'm thinking of you...
💕💕💕

 

[Acy]

(I don’t have words.)

 

[Sunday16]

Fleurise, I'm so sorry for your loss. Though it may not seem like it sometimes, you are surrounded by love.

 

[Fleury Dragon]

Missing you so much sweetheart. I've been unable to get to sleep. Listening to songs we sung together and music I sung to you. I miss how kind and compassionate you were. I miss your laughter and sense of humor. I miss how much you loved me and how well you looked after me.
I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life.

 

[1964dodge]

Missing you so much sweetheart. I've been unable to get to sleep. Listening to songs we sung together and music I sung to you. I miss how kind and compassionate you were. I miss your laughter and sense of humor. I miss how much you loved me and how well you looked after me.
I want to thank you for allowing me to be a part of your life.

i'm sorry about your loss but am so happy that you experienced that exceptional type of love...mike...

 

[Walker]

 

[GFS]

Losing your SO is terrible and it hurts. It's very noble of you to keep your husband in your memories.

 

[MisterBGone]

I met my husband just over five years ago. We connected in a way I thought would never happen for me. I was 35, and not looking for any sort of relationship. I had in a sense given up on life. He accepted me for who I was and I accepted him the same. If you like we were two broken halves with broken edges that perfectly matched to make a whole. He was the kindest, most humble person that I have ever know, and with his help I healed from my life and got better. I went into remission for four years from self harm and suicide attempts. We started a life together and supported each other and I felt loved. Truly loved. I had never felt loved before I met him, not even growing up as a child.
The beginning of this year he got sick, and was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Within two weeks he was too far gone for the doctors to be able to help and so the journey to his death began. From February until 5th July this year I cared for my husband as I watched the disease take him from me. He became less the man I married and more the disease. He was bedridden early May and I gave him round the clock care. I watched him become just like those men that came out of the concentration camps. All through that he was gracious, only once in our life together did he ever push me away or raise his hand and I know that was the medications and the disease, not the man I loved.
It seemed to take so long. At one stage he got a leg infection and I got told there was nothing they could do and the decision was made to stop active treatment. The doctors told me he would only likely last 2 days, seven at the mostly. But weeks later I took him home with me to die. Six long weeks after that he was in his final days. Not able to eat for weeks, and finally unable to drink or even suck fluid. Two days before his death, he uttered his finally words. He told me he loved me. Those words hurt so much now that i'm alone. On his final two days I spent hours with him, I sung to him hours on end. Knowing it was the last time I would be able to spend any time with him. On Friday the 5th of July at 2:50pm I knew it was time and so I turned off the music and I stopped singing. At 3:01pm he drew his final breath. I was alone.
Now my broken heart is not complete. My remission is broken and I am sick once again. I miss him so much but I am struggling to find a way to hang on without the part that completes me.
R.I.P. My love David Wootton I won't ever forget you, no matter how much it hurts

Oh my goodness, what a lucky guy he was to have met you! Wife of the universe right there... I’m so happy you got to have that. As much as it hurts, I’d imagine you’d still sign up for it, had you to do it all over again? Some things, you just can’t grapple with the, “why’s!” And this sounds definitely like on e of those “quality over quantity,” things - at least in terms of time. Hopefully, you’ve got enough memories to last a “lifetime!” Again, he was very lucky to have you as his wife- I’m sorry!

 

[Fleury Dragon]

Oh my goodness, what a lucky guy he was to have met you! Wife of the universe right there... I’m so happy you got to have that. As much as it hurts, I’d imagine you’d still sign up for it, had you to do it all over again? Some things, you just can’t grapple with the, “why’s!” And this sounds definitely like on e of those “quality over quantity,” things - at least in terms of time. Hopefully, you’ve got enough memories to last a “lifetime!” Again, he was very lucky to have you as his wife- I’m sorry!

Yes I'd definitely sign up for it again. Even knowing what I was about to go through. He changed my life profoundly. Before him I was a suicidal and self harm mess. He helped me immensely and I help him heal as well. Thank you for your kind words.

 

[Road to Nowhere]

Thinking of you today, missing you. Sorting paperwork today I found the poem I read out at your funeral.

If Tomorrow Starts Without Me

When tomorrow starts without me,
And I'm not there to see,
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me;
I wish so much you wouldn't cry the way you did today,
While thinking of the many things,
We didn't get to say.

I know how much you love me,
As much as I love you,
And each time that you think of me,
I know you'll miss me too;
But when tomorrow starts without me,
Please try and understand,
That an angel came and called my name,
And took me by the hand,
And said my place was ready,
In heaven far above,
And that I'd have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

But as I turned to walk away,
A tear fell from my eye.
For all my life, I'd always thought,
I didn't want to die.
I had so much to live for,
So much left yet to do,
It seemed almost impossible,
That I was leaving you.

I thought of all the yesterdays,
The good ones and the bad,
I thought of all the love we shared,
And all the fun we had.

If I could relive yesterday,
Just even for a while,
I'd say goodbye and kiss you and maybe see you smile.
But then I fully realised,
That this could never be,
For emptiness and memories,
Would take the place of me.

And when I thought of worldly things,
I might miss come tomorrow,
I thought of you,
And when I did,
My heart was filled with sorrow.

But when I walked through heaven's gates,
I felt so much at home.
When god looked down and smiled at me,
From his great golden throne,
He said, "This is eternity, and all I've promised you."
Today your life on earth is past,
But here life starts anew.

I promise no tomorrow,
But today will always last,
And since each days the same way there's no longing for your past.
You have been so faithful,
So trusting and so true.
Though there were times you did some things you knew you shouldn't do.
But you have been forgiven and now at last you're free
So won't you come and take my hand and share my life with me? "

So when tomorrow starts without me,
Don't think we're far apart,
For every time you think of me,
I'm right here,
In your heart.

This is the poem I also chose for my cousin and best friend who I lost on 08/10/07
it is a beautiful poem, he will always be with you in your heart.

 

[Fleury Dragon]

Missing you again today sweetheart. I've been doing much better. Finally find out what was causing my black outs and I've had surgery and so far doing well. I'm sure you're up there smiling down happy with how I'm progressing.
This year on my birthday I got out my momento box and started looking at the cards we had given each other. For once it didn't make me burst into tears. It's nice to have times now where I remember how happy we were.
Guess people will find it weird I'm writing to you here or maybe not but I find it a good way to connect with how I'm feeling.
Tonight I miss you. I miss the simple things, holding your hand, watching TV together, singing with you.
You'll always be in my heart, just the piece of you that you gave for me to keep. Thank you Dave me sweet husband.