I come from a broken family. My mother was adopted, my father left us when I was a young toddler, as a result my mother was my only family as a young child. I desperately wanted family in my life then and still feel I'm missing out now. Mum would take me to playgrounds and one day while we were out together, we went for a walk together. We stopped at a house which had two lion-statues out the front of it - one on each side of the driveway's entrance. Mum and I were at the front door. Mum pushed the big white door bell button and a chime sounded. An old lady opened the door and she kindly invited us inside. We all stood in the smallish lounge room, for a moment, in silence.
Then mum turned to me, and said "David! This is your great-grandmother!" I was so confused at the time, because I was used to "all" my family members being non-blood relatives and so I looked down a little while until I decided to ask, "My Real One?!" "Yes, David, she's your real grandmother." I looked upon my great-grandmother and went over to her with my arms open. We embraced for a little longer than I normally did with my mum. We let each other go and looked into each other's eyes, hers showed so much love and kindness. I never felt such tender feelings toward anyone in my life!
My great-grandmother was very old and although I didn't know much about death at the time I remember having a sort of comprehension that she was frail and seeing her again may not last forever. I told her I had a weapon. I showed her my figurine and told her I wanted her to have it. I showed her how it worked. There was a wheel in the figurine's back. I turned it with my thumb which produced sparks from the mouth. I went on in my childish manner saying that it was only ok for me to get the sparks on myself, definitely not hers! I told her to "Watch. See?" and then ran some sparks onto my other thumb. I was going on about the smell it left and invited her to smell the resulting odour on my hand which she did. She smiled at me, and her smile was so lovely.
I handed her my figurine. She asked me what she should do with it. I told her maybe she could put it on her mantle piece. She said that sounded like a lovely idea. It was a beautiful moment, one of my all time favorite meetings. Mum announced that it was time we were making a move - which meant leaving where we were. I don't even know whether I told my great-grandmother that I loved her or not but I believe she knew at the time that I did. And so we left hastily, and were back on the road driving home. I happen to have asperger's syndrome which is a form of autism spectrum disorders, although, at that stage of my life there was no knowledge of this fact. Mum continued to drive with me sitting in the front passenger seat. My always busied hands had nothing in them and so I fidgeted and looked at my hands in frustration.
Mum noticed that I was suffering without the toy and began to complain about having given it away. Mum said all sorts of things, beginning with "I paid for that, it wasn't cheap, either!" to "Why give away your favorite toy, anyway; and, look! Now you've got nothing." Mum annouced that were going back there to get it back off her. I did say "No." Mum over-ruled me, and we were on our way back to my great-grandmother's house. We arrived there and my great-grandmother came outside after we pulled up in her driveway. My great-grandmother's expression seemed to be one of confusion and surprise, she started to ask when mum interrupted her, saying "We're back to get David's toy back from you. He's lost without it!" "Sure! No problem. I'll just go inside and get it for him." I'd never felt so ashamed.
My great-grandmother returned a few seconds later with the dumb figurine which mum took out of her hands. I think I must have given her a "sorry" look, and wasn't interested in the toy which mum stuffed into my resignated hands in my lap. Mum hastily said we had to go and my great-grandmother and I waved goodbye to each other. Mum's first words to me on our trip home were "There! Are you happy now?" I said, "Not really, I wanted grandma to have it" Mum interrupts me while I'm saying this, however, and says that I was depressed without it. She then begins to remind me of all her previously stated issues before finishing up with "...You're not to give away anything I buy for you again!" We got home and I went to my bedroom. On my way there, mum tells/asks me "I think you love her more than you love me." I try my best to say "no, I love you more" but she's staring me down. In a way I did love my great-grandmother "more" but it was a different sort of love. I don't think I literally loved her more than I did/do mum, it's just a special sort of love that's unlike that you have for your mother.
Some time passed, maybe a couple or three weeks. Mum was at the wall-phone talking to someone, as I walked through the kitchen paying no attention to what she was saying, mum loudly says "I don't know! I'll ask him..." Mum turned the phone away from her ear and looked at me. She said "David! Do you want to go visit your grandmother?!!" I looked down to the ground because I felt mum didn't want to go back there. I thought she didn't want to take me back because I'd asked her throughout the time that had passed since our last visit, but mum had told me "Not today, David." I remembered how mum believed I didn't love her as much and felt as though it was wrong to say "yes!!" and so, I told her "No..." Mum went back to the phonecall and said "No, we're not coming.... I don't know? I just asked him and he said he didn't want to." I was out in the lounge room feeling sad, when I heard mum say something like "ok then, maybe another time. Bye."
A short few days, or so, later. My mum knocked on my bedroom door as I played with my toys in the middle of the floor. Mum opened my door, and says "David, your great-grandmother died." I said "...ok." She shut my door behind her. I l remained on my stomach where I'd been playing a little dumb-founded for a couple of moments and then started kicking my arms and legs in frustration as I made some sort of almost silent screaming. I was so angry and upset, and frustrated. I'd just learned about death. Mum opened the door and peeked in at me while I kicked and flailed my legs and arms. She closed the door again from outside my room and I sat up. Unable to cry, I ... I don't know what I did next, because I don't remember. I think I contemplated death for a while. I'm just not sure. All I remember is that I was at a loss. How I wish I had told mum "yes!!" then gone to see my great-grandmother ((heart)). Only recently did I fully burst into tears for having lost her, and so profusely feeling as though she may not have left me so soon after meeting her that day. I realise she may have died from a broken heart.
Then mum turned to me, and said "David! This is your great-grandmother!" I was so confused at the time, because I was used to "all" my family members being non-blood relatives and so I looked down a little while until I decided to ask, "My Real One?!" "Yes, David, she's your real grandmother." I looked upon my great-grandmother and went over to her with my arms open. We embraced for a little longer than I normally did with my mum. We let each other go and looked into each other's eyes, hers showed so much love and kindness. I never felt such tender feelings toward anyone in my life!
My great-grandmother was very old and although I didn't know much about death at the time I remember having a sort of comprehension that she was frail and seeing her again may not last forever. I told her I had a weapon. I showed her my figurine and told her I wanted her to have it. I showed her how it worked. There was a wheel in the figurine's back. I turned it with my thumb which produced sparks from the mouth. I went on in my childish manner saying that it was only ok for me to get the sparks on myself, definitely not hers! I told her to "Watch. See?" and then ran some sparks onto my other thumb. I was going on about the smell it left and invited her to smell the resulting odour on my hand which she did. She smiled at me, and her smile was so lovely.
I handed her my figurine. She asked me what she should do with it. I told her maybe she could put it on her mantle piece. She said that sounded like a lovely idea. It was a beautiful moment, one of my all time favorite meetings. Mum announced that it was time we were making a move - which meant leaving where we were. I don't even know whether I told my great-grandmother that I loved her or not but I believe she knew at the time that I did. And so we left hastily, and were back on the road driving home. I happen to have asperger's syndrome which is a form of autism spectrum disorders, although, at that stage of my life there was no knowledge of this fact. Mum continued to drive with me sitting in the front passenger seat. My always busied hands had nothing in them and so I fidgeted and looked at my hands in frustration.
Mum noticed that I was suffering without the toy and began to complain about having given it away. Mum said all sorts of things, beginning with "I paid for that, it wasn't cheap, either!" to "Why give away your favorite toy, anyway; and, look! Now you've got nothing." Mum annouced that were going back there to get it back off her. I did say "No." Mum over-ruled me, and we were on our way back to my great-grandmother's house. We arrived there and my great-grandmother came outside after we pulled up in her driveway. My great-grandmother's expression seemed to be one of confusion and surprise, she started to ask when mum interrupted her, saying "We're back to get David's toy back from you. He's lost without it!" "Sure! No problem. I'll just go inside and get it for him." I'd never felt so ashamed.
My great-grandmother returned a few seconds later with the dumb figurine which mum took out of her hands. I think I must have given her a "sorry" look, and wasn't interested in the toy which mum stuffed into my resignated hands in my lap. Mum hastily said we had to go and my great-grandmother and I waved goodbye to each other. Mum's first words to me on our trip home were "There! Are you happy now?" I said, "Not really, I wanted grandma to have it" Mum interrupts me while I'm saying this, however, and says that I was depressed without it. She then begins to remind me of all her previously stated issues before finishing up with "...You're not to give away anything I buy for you again!" We got home and I went to my bedroom. On my way there, mum tells/asks me "I think you love her more than you love me." I try my best to say "no, I love you more" but she's staring me down. In a way I did love my great-grandmother "more" but it was a different sort of love. I don't think I literally loved her more than I did/do mum, it's just a special sort of love that's unlike that you have for your mother.
Some time passed, maybe a couple or three weeks. Mum was at the wall-phone talking to someone, as I walked through the kitchen paying no attention to what she was saying, mum loudly says "I don't know! I'll ask him..." Mum turned the phone away from her ear and looked at me. She said "David! Do you want to go visit your grandmother?!!" I looked down to the ground because I felt mum didn't want to go back there. I thought she didn't want to take me back because I'd asked her throughout the time that had passed since our last visit, but mum had told me "Not today, David." I remembered how mum believed I didn't love her as much and felt as though it was wrong to say "yes!!" and so, I told her "No..." Mum went back to the phonecall and said "No, we're not coming.... I don't know? I just asked him and he said he didn't want to." I was out in the lounge room feeling sad, when I heard mum say something like "ok then, maybe another time. Bye."
A short few days, or so, later. My mum knocked on my bedroom door as I played with my toys in the middle of the floor. Mum opened my door, and says "David, your great-grandmother died." I said "...ok." She shut my door behind her. I l remained on my stomach where I'd been playing a little dumb-founded for a couple of moments and then started kicking my arms and legs in frustration as I made some sort of almost silent screaming. I was so angry and upset, and frustrated. I'd just learned about death. Mum opened the door and peeked in at me while I kicked and flailed my legs and arms. She closed the door again from outside my room and I sat up. Unable to cry, I ... I don't know what I did next, because I don't remember. I think I contemplated death for a while. I'm just not sure. All I remember is that I was at a loss. How I wish I had told mum "yes!!" then gone to see my great-grandmother ((heart)). Only recently did I fully burst into tears for having lost her, and so profusely feeling as though she may not have left me so soon after meeting her that day. I realise she may have died from a broken heart.