I feel like I am on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. At least when I drink I feel less lonely, even if it doesn't help the anger as much. I am constantly feeling frustrated and angry. Tired of the loneliness. Tired of reaching out to people only to get rejected. Tired of doing everything alone. My boyfriend is the only one who wants to hang out with me. Everyone else lives too far away and the so called friends near me always cancel at the last minute or just ignore me completely. I feel like right now he is the only one I have. Thinking about inactivating all of my social media accounts because it adds to my feelings of loneliness. I know everything looks better online, but at least these people are actually able to go out with another person. Me, nobody wants to be with.
I feel stuck in this job that I cannot leave for another year and 3 months. I can't even fake happiness there anymore. Whenever I am there I am so overcome with anger and frustration that it takes all of my energy not to snap. I have no energy even to talk to people. It's all used up holding my temper in check. I am not the same person I used to be. There is no hope at that place. I only wish I could speed up time and get to the end point already so I can be done.
Trying so hard not to be suicidal and push the thoughts away. Trying to tell myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that people do care. But am stuck in a rut of loneliness and anger that is consuming me. Whenever I drive I want to put the pedal to the metal and smash into something. I don't even know what to feel anymore. Every day I cry or grit my teeth trying to keep my emotions in check. I stopped drinking almost altogether but I see no reason why I should continue being sober when now alcohol is the only thing getting me through the days. Sad, isn't it?
I feel stuck in this job that I cannot leave for another year and 3 months. I can't even fake happiness there anymore. Whenever I am there I am so overcome with anger and frustration that it takes all of my energy not to snap. I have no energy even to talk to people. It's all used up holding my temper in check. I am not the same person I used to be. There is no hope at that place. I only wish I could speed up time and get to the end point already so I can be done.
Trying so hard not to be suicidal and push the thoughts away. Trying to tell myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that people do care. But am stuck in a rut of loneliness and anger that is consuming me. Whenever I drive I want to put the pedal to the metal and smash into something. I don't even know what to feel anymore. Every day I cry or grit my teeth trying to keep my emotions in check. I stopped drinking almost altogether but I see no reason why I should continue being sober when now alcohol is the only thing getting me through the days. Sad, isn't it?
I'm not sure why this is happening. They are seemingly out of nowhere.