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Frustrated and Stuck

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lightning05

Well-Known Member
#1
I feel like I am on the verge of becoming an alcoholic. At least when I drink I feel less lonely, even if it doesn't help the anger as much. I am constantly feeling frustrated and angry. Tired of the loneliness. Tired of reaching out to people only to get rejected. Tired of doing everything alone. My boyfriend is the only one who wants to hang out with me. Everyone else lives too far away and the so called friends near me always cancel at the last minute or just ignore me completely. I feel like right now he is the only one I have. Thinking about inactivating all of my social media accounts because it adds to my feelings of loneliness. I know everything looks better online, but at least these people are actually able to go out with another person. Me, nobody wants to be with.

I feel stuck in this job that I cannot leave for another year and 3 months. I can't even fake happiness there anymore. Whenever I am there I am so overcome with anger and frustration that it takes all of my energy not to snap. I have no energy even to talk to people. It's all used up holding my temper in check. I am not the same person I used to be. There is no hope at that place. I only wish I could speed up time and get to the end point already so I can be done.

Trying so hard not to be suicidal and push the thoughts away. Trying to tell myself there is a light at the end of the tunnel and that people do care. But am stuck in a rut of loneliness and anger that is consuming me. Whenever I drive I want to put the pedal to the metal and smash into something. I don't even know what to feel anymore. Every day I cry or grit my teeth trying to keep my emotions in check. I stopped drinking almost altogether but I see no reason why I should continue being sober when now alcohol is the only thing getting me through the days. Sad, isn't it?
 

Kathie Sunflower

Well-Known Member
#3
Hey lightning, I am sorry you are having such a hard time. Do you know what makes you so angry? Can you try to let the anger out? Boxing in your pillow, screaming, turning on loud music and jumping through the room, or whatever works for you.
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#4
@Kathie Sunflower I really love your username and profile pic. I think just feeling "stuck" is making me angry. I've punched pillows and screamed and have done vigorous workouts to try and relieve some stress and anger. I think it has helped and now I'm overcome with exhaustion from anger.

I think the fact that I am having unsolicited flashbacks is causing me anger and anxiety. Nothing has triggered me in the past week or so. I think this happening coupled with the frustration of my job is pushing me over the edge.
 

Kathie Sunflower

Well-Known Member
#5
Thank you!
Good that you could get the stress and anger out.
I can imagine that the flashbacks are hard to handle. Are you in therapy?
And is it possible for you to get another job?
 

lightning05

Well-Known Member
#6
I haven't been in therapy for some time but I called my last therapist who I really liked to see if I could start seeing her again. The thing about the flashbacks is it's the same trauma but "new" memories if that makes sense. As though even more is coming up and I just want to scream STOP! whenever they hit. Ugh.

I can't leave this job for another year and 3 months. I need to finish up to get my license and since this is such a small and specific field there are no apprenticeships (my job) open in the area I live in right now. If I could leave I definitely would.
 

Rockclimbinggirl

SF climber
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#7
My therapist suggested I put trauma memories in a locked box so I can deal with them when I am ready. I am not sure if this could help you. My inbox is always open.
 
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