Helen

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by SillyOldBear, Feb 13, 2016.

  1. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Don't really know how to start this post. Helen is a wonderful 93 year old woman who has been married to her husband longer then I have been alive. She has survived breast cancer, macular degeneration, diabetes and the death of a son. I think of her as the lady with the sparkling eyes. They shine so whenever she smiles.
    But she doesn't smile much any more. She is near death. Osteoporosis has led to so many broken bones that they will never heal. She will never be out of pain. She is almost blind and deaf. Her mind is failing.

    She is house bound. Her husband, Ernie, rarely leaves her side. Long term care insurance is providing trained people to help care for her at home. I visited them about three weeks ago, and again today. She has gotten so much worse. She did not know who I was. Just a few minutes after getting her hair combed, she could not remember that it was done. She can't walk alone. Shower alone, or even go to the bathroom alone. Ernie knows these are her last days. I thought I was too angry and cynical to cry anymore. I was wrong. I am crying as I write this.

    But I am so angry. I met these loving people at my church. They have helped me so many times. They placed God before all else in their lives. I will never understand how God can allow such people to suffer like this. I know it is not up to me to understand. But I am angry. This should not happen.
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    I'm sorry to hear all this. I don't have answers or insight to offer. Just know I'm thinking of all of you. *big hugs*
     
  3. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Thank you Acy. There really is nothing to say at times like this. Its just part of life. And I had to vent. I appreciate the thoughts and hugs.
     
  4. sahel

    sahel SF Supporter

    I am sorry for what you said, I understand your anger/disappointment, specially because you think she doesn't deserve it,:( I don't know if it's true or not, but I have an answer for this which helps me to deal with such cases. I think the souls of some very good people are just too good to carry any bad karma/bad energy/ sin (whichever matches your belief better) with themselves to the next step (again this next step can be whatever matches your belief ) So, they have this period to get kind of pure and ready for a very positive step. This is the best explanation that I've manage to come up to make it easier for myself to deal with such cases, and I wish it will be true at least for Helen's case:)
     
  5. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Barb,


    I am so sorry for the pain you are going through right now. It's not easy knowing that you will soon lose your friend and then having to deal with that after. Life is cruel, but treasure the memories that you shared together and the good times. Make sure you see her as much as you can and remind her of these tales, let her know that you are there and that you care. We will be here to support you.

    Lots of love hun (hugs)
     
  6. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Thank you Lexi. I have been blessed by knowing her and her husband. I can only hope that God calls her home soon. She has been through enough. I have updated some of her friends on the situation and they will be visiting her today. Dying should not be so hard.
     
  7. Butterfly

    Butterfly Pokémon Master Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Hopefully seeing her friends will ensure that she knows that she was deeply loved and cared for. You are a great friend Barb, a real asset (hugs)
     
  8. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

  9. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Helen passed early this week. Her pain and suffering have ended and she is with God. I shall miss her deeply. And I am sure that her husband of 70 years is feeling a huge void in his life.
     
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  10. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    SillyOldBear, I'm sorry for your loss. *hug* Thinking of you.
     
  11. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Barb my friend, I'm so sorry for the loss of your friend Helen :(
    Hugs
     
  12. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi, I'm also sorry for your loss. Your friend has left this world but please cherish the good times you shared with her. Take care SillyOldBear.
     
  13. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Thank you all. I will cherish her memory and rejoice that her suffering is over.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  14. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I too am sorry you lost such an important person to you in your life. It is so terrible hard to watch the ones we care for in pain and suffering she is now at peace and will be with you in you forever in your heart and soul. Hope her husband has supports in place to help him deal with his grief .
     
    SillyOldBear likes this.
  15. Frances M

    Frances M Mountain Woman

    Oh gosh, I'm sorry! I have no words...I'll just send some virtual hugs and more hugs.
     
    SillyOldBear likes this.
  16. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Here is my friend Helen. She's the one with the wrinkles! ;) And I finally found a use for Facebook. Stole some of her pictures from it.

    14089270_10210093171868786_1197282551525874623_n.jpg
     
  17. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    Awe... Looks so sweet. I'm very sorry for your broken heart.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  18. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Just so you know rules are not being broken, the young one in the photo is not me.
     
    Brian777 likes this.
  19. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    She looks like a nice lady Barb, I'm sure she's in a better place my friend.
    Hugs
    Brian
     
  20. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    Helen was laid to rest today. It sounds like her death was a peaceful one. The memorial service was nice. She has a huge family and who could possibly be there came. She is at peace now!