-
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT: Please read THIS THREAD about a rebrand for SF.
Help
- Thread starter LumberJack
- Start date
My presentation went okay. I didn't hit it out of the proverbial park, but I didn't fall on my face, either. Plus my boss appreciated that I was willing to do the presentation and "put myself out there." Overall it was a good experience, I just need to learn how to prepare in a more timely fashion. Damn this adulting thing is hard.
The main thing keeping me here is that it would hurt my family if I went through with it, and many other people who care about me. Also I am worried that if I did it, then my younger sister would as well. She has more profound mental problems than I do. I'm sorry to hear about your brother. I don't know what would help but there are things I wish I could tell my family that I just can't, because I don't want to burden them with it. I hope you continue to get better.
So today, I seem to be experiencing a break from misery. It's not that I feel good, it's just that I don't feel the intense pain that I am used to, and that is an improvement. I have therapy today. Maybe that will help, too. I want to note the positive along with the bad to remind myself that things can shift.
I feel like I’m going crazy (again), and all I want to do is get my stupid life over with. I’m having a hard time “adulting”. Getting insurance coverage requires me to jump through so many hoops that it feels like it’s not worth it. Just let me die already! I don’t want to take the meds, but I do because that’s what keeps me out of the hospital. It’s not my fault they’re so damn expensive.
So insurance companies trying to lower their costs by making it hard to get coverage is not going to help. It’s only hurting the end consumer to make it so hard to get a claim paid. But they continue to throw hurdles in the way. I’m guessing that they hope people will give up and go without care.
Well, fine. I don’t want to deal with them either. They win, but they at least owe me euthanasia for getting me off their books
I’m staying alive for the sake of my family and friends, but this reason is wearing thin when I’m in what feels like unbearable pain. I need a reason that’s not dependent on other people. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just want to be out of this painful existence. Knowing my luck though, I’m guessing that death will not be the absolute end that I long for. I will probably end up being punished somehow. That’s how the world is for me. I’m in so much pain. This sucks.
So insurance companies trying to lower their costs by making it hard to get coverage is not going to help. It’s only hurting the end consumer to make it so hard to get a claim paid. But they continue to throw hurdles in the way. I’m guessing that they hope people will give up and go without care.
Well, fine. I don’t want to deal with them either. They win, but they at least owe me euthanasia for getting me off their books
I’m staying alive for the sake of my family and friends, but this reason is wearing thin when I’m in what feels like unbearable pain. I need a reason that’s not dependent on other people. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I just want to be out of this painful existence. Knowing my luck though, I’m guessing that death will not be the absolute end that I long for. I will probably end up being punished somehow. That’s how the world is for me. I’m in so much pain. This sucks.
I am sorry @LumberJack . I do think it is not crazy but real solid to be extremely frustrated and disgusted with what insirsnce companies do to us. That we are subject to their horrible machinations makes life an unnatural feeling test of our wills. Which is ridiculous because life is hard enough.
You're one of the most un-crazy people I've read. I think your awareness of thimgs and your sensitivity makes it harder, since there isn't much we can do against these giant corporations' behaviors.
I hope you feel better soon. Sending hugs and hope for peace.
You're one of the most un-crazy people I've read. I think your awareness of thimgs and your sensitivity makes it harder, since there isn't much we can do against these giant corporations' behaviors.
I hope you feel better soon. Sending hugs and hope for peace.
@Angie - not much is going on, I’m just really really sad. To the point where the pain is coming out psychosomatically. The thought I was having right before the bottom dropped out was of getting older and I don’t see any positives to look forward to. It puzzles me that I have so much to be grateful for, yet I can’t wait to die. I think it’s not so much about outside circumstances as it is about my thoughts and how I treat myself. But my thoughts run away before I can get control, and then they attack me.
I think I understand. Sometimes, for no apparent reasons, this "switch" in my brain flips and I am suicidal. Then as I wait it out, the "switch" flips back and I am not suicidal. Its a frustrating thing, and it sounds like maybe that is happening for you also.
Not to make this about me, just wanted to share my experience in the hopes it might encourage you that you aren't alone.
I am around if you would like to chat.
Not to make this about me, just wanted to share my experience in the hopes it might encourage you that you aren't alone.
I am around if you would like to chat.
Sorry to hear you're deeply sad. @LumberJack . Is it precipitated by a kind of loneliness as well? I'm not exactly sure why I picked up on that. Reading the nuanced descriptions is where I guessed I saw it.
I'm glad you're aware of gratefulness even though there's a sadness spreading a pall over it.
Hugs
I'm glad you're aware of gratefulness even though there's a sadness spreading a pall over it.
Hugs
Ugh. It’s been a week and if anything, I’m getting worse. To the point where I’m reviewing my safety contract and looking for loopholes. I don’t want to be alive. I’m waiting for death because it would be too much grief for them if I ctb. Also, I’m afraid. I can’t muster the commitment required to end this. I feel so weak.