Hopeless and sad

[Wiltedflower]

You see I was injured 10 yrs ago and have never worked again. Struggled w depression and si for years and last yr at this time I was exercising, meditating, even thought that I had made a friend ( I didn't, no one wants to hang w the poors once they see where you live - whatever) I was finally in a good place. Then this winter the noise level went up to 1000 and we'll I am just broken now.

It's been really hard bc in the last 10 yrs I only have left the house for Drs appointments and to go to the river on the summer.
I don't even go to the store, I write what I need on a list and my husband gets it. I am too slow in the store and have executive functioning issues with my disorder so my husband does not let me handle money since my injury. It is awful and demoralizing.
I lost all autonomy and independence after my injury and still

 

[Wiltedflower]

I was going to say still managed to climb out of the never ending depression last year. So this overstimulation is kind of the straw that broke the camels back.

Never mind the other ancient bullcrap of awful time growing up, foster homes, aging out of the system in a motel at 16, and other assorted painful background.
Like how much am I supposed to overcome?
Well, all of it obviously - the universe has spoken that the beatings will continue until morale improves.
I'm rambling again, thanks anyone for reading

 

[may71]

Where is this cheap and plentiful housing please?

Most countries in Asia are pretty cheap. India is one. Thailand is another, though I think a lot of people have gone to Thailand recently so there might be some issues there.

I stayed in a homestay in India that was just like a hotel room, $12 dollars a night. Air conditioning (didn't need it because it was cold), private bath, double bed, couch, cable tv, towels, soap. There are some that are even cheaper, but you'd have to go with just a ceiling fan. I'm not sure what issues there would be with buying or renting permanent housing. There would be the issue of getting a visa that would let you stay long term.

@Survivorist is a big fan of Spain, though Spain would probably be more expensive than Asian countries. The world is a big place and there are quite a few options.

There are some videos about "top places to live internationally" or something like that. You have to take those with a grain of salt though, because I suspect just about any "top 10" type of videos are sponsored by someone who wants to manipulate perceptions rather than a truly objective evaluation.

As far as dry needling goes, in many places in Asia acupuncture is readily available for cheap. It's almost certainly going to be just as good, and more likely much better than dry needling. You could get it twice a week instead of once every six.

The bureaucratic issues with getting payments...that I don't know about. In principle things could be cheap enough that you could get by on your husband's payments. If you couldn't get a foreign doctor to fill out the forms, you'd have to fly back to Canada once a year to renew. Maybe you could time things such that your renewal date would coincide with a cheap time to fly to Canada. I also don't know if they would officially let you get benefits outside of Canada, though in principle there might be a way around any obstacles.

This only increases my confusion and frustration w this whole situation 😞

These are just some things to think about in the long term. If you can take of yourself in the short term, a good long term plan can work out eventually.

Please put things that are frustrating you out of mind if you can, at least for now.

Sending hugs

 

[KM76710]

Thank you for reading my story kind stranger 🫶. Thank you even more for replying.

This is a good place where you are always welcome to tell and share your story. Things do sound tough for you and a sad situation but hopefully we will be able to offer comfort and advice that helps you along better with how your life is going.

 

[Wiltedflower]

Most countries in Asia are pretty cheap. India is one. Thailand is another, though I think a lot of people have gone to Thailand recently so there might be some issues there.

I stayed in a homestay in India that was just like a hotel room, $12 dollars a night. Air conditioning (didn't need it because it was cold), private bath, double bed, couch, cable tv, towels, soap. There are some that are even cheaper, but you'd have to go with just a ceiling fan. I'm not sure what issues there would be with buying or renting permanent housing. There would be the issue of getting a visa that would let you stay long term.

@Survivorist is a big fan of Spain, though Spain would probably be more expensive than Asian countries. The world is a big place and there are quite a few options.

There are some videos about "top places to live internationally" or something like that. You have to take those with a grain of salt though, because I suspect just about any "top 10" type of videos are sponsored by someone who wants to manipulate perceptions rather than a truly objective evaluation.

As far as dry needling goes, in many places in Asia acupuncture is readily available for cheap. It's almost certainly going to be just as good, and more likely much better than dry needling. You could get it twice a week instead of once every six.

The bureaucratic issues with getting payments...that I don't know about. In principle things could be cheap enough that you could get by on your husband's payments. If you couldn't get a foreign doctor to fill out the forms, you'd have to fly back to Canada once a year to renew. Maybe you could time things such that your renewal date would coincide with a cheap time to fly to Canada. I also don't know if they would officially let you get benefits outside of Canada, though in principle there might be a way around any obstacles.



These are just some things to think about in the long term. If you can take of yourself in the short term, a good long term plan can work out eventually.

Please put things that are frustrating you out of mind if you can, at least for now.

Sending hugs

Thank you.

 

[Wiltedflower]

I am crying so hard rn. Just got into a big major fight w my husband. I've been crying all day anyway bc I want to go outside in my yard/patio so bad it is so nice out but I can't go outside bc even with earplugs it's too much. The spot by the river I could walk to was always quiet but now the noise has increased so much that it is there too.
BIG fight after he gave the whole 'this is the best you've ever had it in your whole life and you wouldn't have it without me.'
By the way the house was bought on my name only, my credit, my income, b4 I was hurt. He only got put on the papers 2 yrs ago bc I had a potentially fatal medical problem and I wanted him to be able to keep the house no hassles if I died.
He helped me navigate the mortgage broker to buy this shit house and we were only supposed to be here 2 years, fix it up and sell it and move somewhere decent. I got hurt lost my nursing job and got trapped here.
I told him I hated him, that him saying that makes me hate him, how grateful I should be to be trapped in the house I want to commit suicide in.yes, Yes, YESS. SO now I have ruined everything. So great.
His elderly father and his adult,40 yr old son are coming tomorrow to stay for a week here in our house and Im certifiable rn, should be great 👍.
I've also been cleaning all day all week long bc of this and actually passed out in the kitchen today from the heat and not eating/ sleeping.
I hate my life, I hate being a nothing, that my feelings never matter bc Im a disabled person, I hate my only way out is to kms bc he is right, on my current disability by myself I would be living in a tent rn. Renting a room is more than I get a month never mind food.

My husband is not a monster or a bad guy, he has been my caregiver for years but he also doesn't love me. He told me a few yrs ago that when we moved here from the city that he never intended to work again. He was just going to live off me. He didn't work until I got hurt and even then he never worked full time. He just wanted to tinker with this house. I am lost and hopeless and I can't stop crying.

 

[may71]

Hugs Wiltedflower

 

[Windhover]

Thoughts of care to you @Wiltedflower

 

[Survivorist]

Speechless - only can wish you power, good luck and send you a hug.