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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
i sometimes wonder f i'm a hypocrite. i tell almost everyone to keep fighting becaue it's worth living no matter what. i do believe that even for myself most of the time. but almost every night i think the unthinkable. sometmes a passing thought sometimes scarey serious thoughts.
i have this stupid list why i can't ctb, god, hurting my family, and the fear of maybe getting better some day, and the good things i still have to name a few on that list, of course ending the pain is why i should.
i tell people to never give up and to keep fightig because we don't know what our tomorrows will be. i still haven't given up. the good thing is my doctor finally prescribed a muscle relaxant and it helps a little. now that i have that huge electric bill paid i can start buying mmj again.
i don't think it's fair to suffer like this when they can easily lower or eliminate my pain. currently i take around 4 mg of dilaudid and 45 mg morphine a day. less than 25% of what i used to take. i also take 2400 mg gabapentin and now that muscle relaxant. plus a tens unit and mmj which i can increase next month.
i know i'm rambling i'm just tired of suffering. when i look at my life i see some bad things that i have done and i also see a lot of good in my life. i am 66 years old and can die tonight or 30 years from tonight. i think i'll make it until my early seventies. i give a lot of advice and empathy to others and if i don't follow my own advice then i'm a hypocrite. i hate hypocrites that's why i do as i preach lol.
how am i doing today? pretty good i think, except this damned pain spike which i'm sure will go own. i have had a huge light bill from winter when i fell behind and the rates went up 47% last year alone. well i paid it off finally this week so my stress level is a lot better. so yea i'm doing ok . of course still angry with cdc and dea for starting this mess . i honestly wish these people could suffer severe chronic pain for a while and not be able to get their meds. i know t's wrong to wish that but i do.
mike
i have this stupid list why i can't ctb, god, hurting my family, and the fear of maybe getting better some day, and the good things i still have to name a few on that list, of course ending the pain is why i should.
i tell people to never give up and to keep fightig because we don't know what our tomorrows will be. i still haven't given up. the good thing is my doctor finally prescribed a muscle relaxant and it helps a little. now that i have that huge electric bill paid i can start buying mmj again.
i don't think it's fair to suffer like this when they can easily lower or eliminate my pain. currently i take around 4 mg of dilaudid and 45 mg morphine a day. less than 25% of what i used to take. i also take 2400 mg gabapentin and now that muscle relaxant. plus a tens unit and mmj which i can increase next month.
i know i'm rambling i'm just tired of suffering. when i look at my life i see some bad things that i have done and i also see a lot of good in my life. i am 66 years old and can die tonight or 30 years from tonight. i think i'll make it until my early seventies. i give a lot of advice and empathy to others and if i don't follow my own advice then i'm a hypocrite. i hate hypocrites that's why i do as i preach lol.
how am i doing today? pretty good i think, except this damned pain spike which i'm sure will go own. i have had a huge light bill from winter when i fell behind and the rates went up 47% last year alone. well i paid it off finally this week so my stress level is a lot better. so yea i'm doing ok . of course still angry with cdc and dea for starting this mess . i honestly wish these people could suffer severe chronic pain for a while and not be able to get their meds. i know t's wrong to wish that but i do.
mike
It's understandable Mike. You don't have to be perfect - we are ALL hypocrites at times but to me a true hypocrite doesn't just fail to live up to their beliefs - they don't try. So, yeah, you are not a hypocrite.
Glad you can get your mmj. Mine helps me a lot
Glad you can get your mmj. Mine helps me a lot
mike
i usually get 2 items. i get a salve with thc intact and a get a chocolate br. the one i get is 1000 mg . it's expensive $50 or 3 for $100 but it's worth it. i get a minimum of 10 doses in one bar. i don't like to get high so unless i have to. it's funny when i was young and pot was illegal i loved to get high, now i'm a senior citizen and try to not get high. i think at least mmj should be legal everywhere. i also hope they keep studyng it because some scientists think this may hold hope for meds
mike
mike
Aw Mike, you are a lovely, loveable person and not a hypocrite. I think we all just set different standards for ourselves and for some reason compassion for others seems to come a lot easier than for ourselves. I'm great at telling people they should meditate, and then at the back of my mind there's a voice saying "look at the lapsed meditator preaching the benefits of meditation"!! Which reminds me, I should really get back into the meditation habit, I'm going to need to practice letting go a lot more as I get older! I'm glad you are doing OK but sorry that your pain management is so poor, you should get all you need. I don't know what the situation is in the UK, I know my sister is prescribed mild opioids for severe pain, my mother got oxy for cancer but that was 2009. I dread going older or getting cancer and being told to take 2 paracetamol (apap) when I need to be dosed up with IV morphine.
And we've all done bad things. I hate the way I treated my parents when they were here - I didn't understand them, they certainly didn't understand me and I was younger and anguished and trying to find my way in the world! I've done more bad things I'm sure but know I'm not generally a bad person!
I'm younger than you and yet feel the same - my time could be near, or decades off! I'm glad you sorted your bill but sorry you had to sacrifice you mmj for it. Wish you could be free of pain.
Anyway, you can thank my insomnia for this, I woke at 5.49am today and wasn't going back off any time soon so thought I'd hop on here
And we've all done bad things. I hate the way I treated my parents when they were here - I didn't understand them, they certainly didn't understand me and I was younger and anguished and trying to find my way in the world! I've done more bad things I'm sure but know I'm not generally a bad person!
I'm younger than you and yet feel the same - my time could be near, or decades off! I'm glad you sorted your bill but sorry you had to sacrifice you mmj for it. Wish you could be free of pain.
Anyway, you can thank my insomnia for this, I woke at 5.49am today and wasn't going back off any time soon so thought I'd hop on here
