How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[cymbele]

I wish I was dead.

hugs.

 

[Waves]

Hopeless

 

[AvidFan]

I wish I was dead.

 

[AvidFan]

Hopeless

 

[AvidFan]

Suicidal

 

[AvidFan]

Absolutely bloody awful at the moment. I knew it was coming as it already happened once this week - wake up at stupid o clock after barely any sleep, no way getting back to sleep so getting up and trying to make the best of it, only to end up crashing hard mid afternoon. I tried reading but then got stressed about the plot and paused that, then tried to just watch sport on TV and started feeling dizzy, then went to lie on my bed feeling frustrated about losing my whole Sunday to fatigue as I wanted to get out for at least a walk. It could have been worse, in the week I had meetings at the time of the crash followed by the special hell of public transport and felt completely frazzled and depressed by the end of the day. I know I'll probably sleep tonight and tomorrow will feel better but at the moment I just feel like I'm on empty and annoyed about losing another day to insomnia.

 

[Waves]

Absolutely bloody awful at the moment. I knew it was coming as it already happened once this week - wake up at stupid o clock after barely any sleep, no way getting back to sleep so getting up and trying to make the best of it, only to end up crashing hard mid afternoon. I tried reading but then got stressed about the plot and paused that, then tried to just watch sport on TV and started feeling dizzy, then went to lie on my bed feeling frustrated about losing my whole Sunday to fatigue as I wanted to get out for at least a walk. It could have been worse, in the week I had meetings at the time of the crash followed by the special hell of public transport and felt completely frazzled and depressed by the end of the day. I know I'll probably sleep tonight and tomorrow will feel better but at the moment I just feel like I'm on empty and annoyed about losing another day to insomnia.

 

[Lady Wolfshead]

I'm feeling awesome after reading another "Stoicism for daily living" article "How to Deal with Other People's Opinions." I will paste it below for anyone interested.

All my life I have looked to others for approval. I am trying hard not to care what anyone else thinks of me. This is incredibly freeing.

https://medium.com/stoicism-philoso...deal-with-other-peoples-opinions-cd41680c1277

 

[1964dodge]

Suicidal

i'm sorry astrid i hope you can find a way to want to live.

mike.....

 

[Waves]

Suicidal

Hi Astrid

Hang on. Does chatting in support room help you at all?

 

[1964dodge]

I wish I was dead.

i wish for you to find a way to not only want to live but fight for ways to make your life better

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

I'm feeling awesome after reading another "Stoicism for daily living" article "How to Deal with Other People's Opinions." I will paste it below for anyone interested.

All my life I have looked to others for approval. I am trying hard not to care what anyone else thinks of me. This is incredibly freeing.

https://medium.com/stoicism-philoso...deal-with-other-peoples-opinions-cd41680c1277

the only way to survive in relatively good mental health is to care about how you feel, nobody else but you and hubby. it's ok to give constructive criticism sometimes but everyone ultimately has to decide how they feel.

like me my 1964 dodge isn't the best car at shows, she still needs work. other car owners came up to me and loved my car. at first i thought they were just trying to be nice but i was wrong they come up because it's fairly rare. somebody i know have a mint condition 30s roadster and early 60s corvette. they have never won a trophy and either car is worth at least 10 x what my car is worth. long story short don't let what anyone says bother you, learn to judge yourself honestly and you will always win

mike....

 

[1964dodge]

Absolutely bloody awful at the moment. I knew it was coming as it already happened once this week - wake up at stupid o clock after barely any sleep, no way getting back to sleep so getting up and trying to make the best of it, only to end up crashing hard mid afternoon. I tried reading but then got stressed about the plot and paused that, then tried to just watch sport on TV and started feeling dizzy, then went to lie on my bed feeling frustrated about losing my whole Sunday to fatigue as I wanted to get out for at least a walk. It could have been worse, in the week I had meetings at the time of the crash followed by the special hell of public transport and felt completely frazzled and depressed by the end of the day. I know I'll probably sleep tonight and tomorrow will feel better but at the moment I just feel like I'm on empty and annoyed about losing another day to insomnia.

i hope you sleep well tonight and have a great day tomorrow.

mike.....

 

[Windhover]

@AvidFan Sending hope that your mind relaxes and gets a good long sleep.

hug

 

[Windhover]

This is incredibly freeing.

~ same here. I have, overall, much less anxety since re-discovering them (Stoics, especially Epictetus).

Glad to hear you're doing well.

 

[Windhover]

I wish I was dead.

hug

 

[KM76710]

~ same here. I have, overall, much less anxety since re-discovering them (Stoics, especially Epictetus).

Glad to hear you're doing well.

I agree about Epictetus. His quotes are among many of my favorites here.

 

[nicktheundoer]

i and a lot more than me are glad that you were born. i know you are suffering but i'm sure you had some good moments in your life. you help others a lot and people appreciate it

mike....

Thanks Mike.. I've been praying for you all. Offering intentions when praying the rosary..

 

[nicktheundoer]

Suicidal

HUGGGGGSSSSSSSS

 

[nicktheundoer]

i sometimes wonder f i'm a hypocrite. i tell almost everyone to keep fighting becaue it's worth living no matter what. i do believe that even for myself most of the time. but almost every night i think the unthinkable. sometmes a passing thought sometimes scarey serious thoughts.

i have this stupid list why i can't ctb, god, hurting my family, and the fear of maybe getting better some day, and the good things i still have to name a few on that list, of course ending the pain is why i should.

i tell people to never give up and to keep fightig because we don't know what our tomorrows will be. i still haven't given up. the good thing is my doctor finally prescribed a muscle relaxant and it helps a little. now that i have that huge electric bill paid i can start buying mmj again.

i don't think it's fair to suffer like this when they can easily lower or eliminate my pain. currently i take around 4 mg of dilaudid and 45 mg morphine a day. less than 25% of what i used to take. i also take 2400 mg gabapentin and now that muscle relaxant. plus a tens unit and mmj which i can increase next month.

i know i'm rambling i'm just tired of suffering. when i look at my life i see some bad things that i have done and i also see a lot of good in my life. i am 66 years old and can die tonight or 30 years from tonight. i think i'll make it until my early seventies. i give a lot of advice and empathy to others and if i don't follow my own advice then i'm a hypocrite. i hate hypocrites that's why i do as i preach lol.

how am i doing today? pretty good i think, except this damned pain spike which i'm sure will go own. i have had a huge light bill from winter when i fell behind and the rates went up 47% last year alone. well i paid it off finally this week so my stress level is a lot better. so yea i'm doing ok . of course still angry with cdc and dea for starting this mess . i honestly wish these people could suffer severe chronic pain for a while and not be able to get their meds. i know t's wrong to wish that but i do.

mike

Well it doesn't matter if you're a hypocrite..you deserve love(your) and caring no matter what..I'm so sorry for the pain..