How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[AmberMarie]

What is it screaming out?

i don't know! i don't want to listen. i'm alone for the rest of this week... don't have my vehicle to go anywhere, for help... really don't have options right now. So, it's better to stuff it as always.

 

[Aurelia]

i don't know! i don't want to listen. i'm alone for the rest of this week... don't have my vehicle to go anywhere, for help... really don't have options right now. So, it's better to stuff it as always.

There's always emergency services if you truly need help. But I'm not sure if that's what you meant by help. I understand, though, about not wanting to listen. I don't want to listen to what the voices have to say when I'm stressed out because it's usually nothing good.

 

[iloverachel]

I think I know what you mean by an urge to die. I'm sorry - I wish there were reliable times when the anxiety dropped down. I was interested & glad to read the thread about you seeking a new more nuanced(?) acceptance of life. Are you coming up against some obstacle to feeling a way forward @iloverachel? hugs

thanks for the kind words. Yes I am facing many obstacles that i am unable to find a solution

 

[AmberMarie]

At the moment, for a reason i can't understand, i finally feel a tiny bit calmer in my thoughts and feelings for the first time in a couple of weeks n my head isn't screaming quite as loud at me right now. Could be that i spent the last many hours typing away... i duno... going to try and get a bit of sleep.... see what happens.

 

[LumberJack]

I feel lots better. I’m starting my PHP today and I have gotten the time off from work. So without that stress hanging over me, I feel lighter. I’m still depressed, but I will take this any day, compared to the hell I have been in the past few days.

 

[Windhover]

thanks for the kind words. Yes I am facing many obstacles that i am unable to find a solution

Sorry to hear that. I hope there are some times when you get your mind off the sadness and anxiety. I haven't found a reliable way past all that, and am learning to be resigned to living down here on this level, probably always.
I hope you do find a way @iloverachel

 

[puffymilk]

Feeling absolutely horrible. I made a mistake, I know. Why can't my mom just tell me that I was wrong and tell me what I should do in a much nicer way? Didn't have to yell at me, making me feel so stupid. Why can't she be like other moms who treat her kids with actual kindness instead of though love? I don't need all that screaming and yelling. It's making me so stressful. "I'm telling you this because I know better than you. You don't know anything about life". Thanks a lot.

 

[LumberJack]

Feeling absolutely horrible. I made a mistake, I know. Why can't my mom just tell me that I was wrong and tell me what I should do in a much nicer way? Didn't have to yell at me, making me feel so stupid. Why can't she be like other moms who treat her kids with actual kindness instead of though love? I don't need all that screaming and yelling. It's making me so stressful. "I'm telling you this because I know better than you. You don't know anything about life". Thanks a lot.

Yelling at you is NOT tough love. It’s poor emotional regulation and she is modeling that for you (I am guessing the yelling has been going on for years). I’m guessing she may not be emotionally aware/mature enough to handle emotions in any way but how this was modeled to her when she was young.

You are on the right track, with wanting her to instead explain to you how to handle whatever it was that she was yelling about. This is part of what is called “boundaries,” and I only learned about boundaries in my 40s. IIRC you are much younger that, but already an adult? You may have to “parent” your mother instead of the other way around.

This is a great opportunity although it’s also a pain in the ass to deal with unskilled people like your mother. I could say more on that if you’re interested.

Just for giggles, I would encourage you to test out the possibility that you have control over your emotions, regardless of what others do. This is the main point of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I could say more on that as well but I don’t want your eyes to glaze over 😆

 

[puffymilk]

Yelling at you is NOT tough love. It’s poor emotional regulation and she is modeling that for you (I am guessing the yelling has been going on for years). I’m guessing she may not be emotionally aware/mature enough to handle emotions in any way but how this was modeled to her when she was young.

You are on the right track, with wanting her to instead explain to you how to handle whatever it was that she was yelling about. This is part of what is called “boundaries,” and I only learned about boundaries in my 40s. IIRC you are much younger that, but already an adult? You may have to “parent” your mother instead of the other way around.

This is a great opportunity although it’s also a pain in the ass to deal with unskilled people like your mother. I could say more on that if you’re interested.

Just for giggles, I would encourage you to test out the possibility that you have control over your emotions, regardless of what others do. This is the main point of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). I could say more on that as well but I don’t want your eyes to glaze over 😆

Yeah that was how she was raised and she never felt like it was to break the chain. I always thought if I had a child I would never to that to them. That, IF I had a child. And this is why I'm scared to have one myself because I don't want them to experience this. They could just stay in heaven or wherever they are.

And yes it's so tiring to be the bigger person here. I'm tired of putting on an act, like I'm okay with it, acting like I have to accept her behavior because it's "for my own good", I can't cry because that would make me a crybaby and some crap like that.

 

[1964dodge]

i don't know! i don't want to listen. i'm alone for the rest of this week... don't have my vehicle to go anywhere, for help... really don't have options right now. So, it's better to stuff it as always.

i know that you're alone but you can use SF as a lifeline. there are a lot of wonderful caring people here. if you need help and support we are here for you, and we are here just to talk. a lot of us come here even when we feel ok just for conversations and human contact. now that you are part of the SF family you never have to be alone again

mike...

 

[Windhover]

i know that you're alone but you can use SF as a lifeline. there are a lot of wonderful caring people here. if you need help and support we are here for you, and we are here just to talk. a lot of us come here even when we feel ok just for conversations and human contact. now that you are part of the SF family you never have to be alone again

mike...

mike that might be one of the best posts ever

 

[TragicReality]

I'm feeling a bit of hope and also a bit of anxiety. I filled out an application for an apartment thinking I wouldn't hear back. I did. I'm not the only one looking for it, but I thought me being disabled on a low income would mean I have no chance at it. She'll show it on monday. If anyone reads this and could pray for it or send good vibes my way I'd appreciate it very much.

I'm not going to get my hopes up too high. But if my son is in safe housing with me it would be such a relief of constant worry about him and him not having a roof. He's homeless in less than a month. My landlord here is fine with me staying longer, but being more independant would be ideal, this is not a forever situation for me, more like a matter of months since the landlord moved a gf in. THe apartment is a couple hundred bucks more than we have together, plus hydro with electric baseboards and i know those things are hard on electric bills. But I'd rather have to scrape to get by than worry for younger son.

 

[Widowedvegan]

I'm feeling a bit of hope and also a bit of anxiety. I filled out an application for an apartment thinking I wouldn't hear back. I did. I'm not the only one looking for it, but I thought me being disabled on a low income would mean I have no chance at it. She'll show it on monday. If anyone reads this and could pray for it or send good vibes my way I'd appreciate it very much.

I'm not going to get my hopes up too high. But if my son is in safe housing with me it would be such a relief of constant worry about him and him not having a roof. He's homeless in less than a month. My landlord here is fine with me staying longer, but being more independant would be ideal, this is not a forever situation for me, more like a matter of months since the landlord moved a gf in. THe apartment is a couple hundred bucks more than we have together, plus hydro with electric baseboards and i know those things are hard on electric bills. But I'd rather have to scrape to get by than worry for younger son.

Sending out positive energy and prayers that you will get the apartment @toomuchreality

 

[Windhover]

Thinking and sensing a prayer for your well-being and that you get the apartment or other home base.

hug @toomuchreality

 

[TragicReality]

thank you's its much appreciated!

 

[1964dodge]

mike that might be one of the best posts ever

thank you @seabird

mike...

 

[1964dodge]

I'm feeling a bit of hope and also a bit of anxiety. I filled out an application for an apartment thinking I wouldn't hear back. I did. I'm not the only one looking for it, but I thought me being disabled on a low income would mean I have no chance at it. She'll show it on monday. If anyone reads this and could pray for it or send good vibes my way I'd appreciate it very much.

I'm not going to get my hopes up too high. But if my son is in safe housing with me it would be such a relief of constant worry about him and him not having a roof. He's homeless in less than a month. My landlord here is fine with me staying longer, but being more independant would be ideal, this is not a forever situation for me, more like a matter of months since the landlord moved a gf in. THe apartment is a couple hundred bucks more than we have together, plus hydro with electric baseboards and i know those things are hard on electric bills. But I'd rather have to scrape to get by than worry for younger son.

i did pray that you either get this place or god shows you a way into another one that suits your needs. i hope you and your son find a comfortable place you can afford

mike.....

 

[1964dodge]

very frustrated. i had a very bad day. i switched from cable to fidium today. it was supposed to take an hour or 2 for installation and it took over 3 hours. she was a sweet lady , the delay wasn't her fault and she stayed until i was actually online with everything.

then i was stupid enough to order new phones at the same time. i have never been good at trading in phones. it told me to insert the sim card and gave me the tool to do it. what they didn't give me was the sim card itself. they said the can do it electronically, that was a disaster, it took over an hour and i gave up, i'll go to a tmobil store to have it done. they did manage to kill my old phone though lol

i am tired and frustrated but so far laughing about it and taking it in stride

mike

 

[AvidFan]

I'm feeling a bit of hope and also a bit of anxiety. I filled out an application for an apartment thinking I wouldn't hear back. I did. I'm not the only one looking for it, but I thought me being disabled on a low income would mean I have no chance at it. She'll show it on monday. If anyone reads this and could pray for it or send good vibes my way I'd appreciate it very much.

I'm not going to get my hopes up too high. But if my son is in safe housing with me it would be such a relief of constant worry about him and him not having a roof. He's homeless in less than a month. My landlord here is fine with me staying longer, but being more independant would be ideal, this is not a forever situation for me, more like a matter of months since the landlord moved a gf in. THe apartment is a couple hundred bucks more than we have together, plus hydro with electric baseboards and i know those things are hard on electric bills. But I'd rather have to scrape to get by than worry for younger son.

Good luck with the apartment!

 

[AvidFan]

very frustrated. i had a very bad day. i switched from cable to fidium today. it was supposed to take an hour or 2 for installation and it took over 3 hours. she was a sweet lady , the delay wasn't her fault and she stayed until i was actually online with everything.

then i was stupid enough to order new phones at the same time. i have never been good at trading in phones. it told me to insert the sim card and gave me the tool to do it. what they didn't give me was the sim card itself. they said the can do it electronically, that was a disaster, it took over an hour and i gave up, i'll go to a tmobil store to have it done. they did manage to kill my old phone though lol

i am tired and frustrated but so far laughing about it and taking it in stride

mike

This is why I am putting off changing my broadband provider (the company has been taken over or something). The clearest indicator it will be a disaster is their claim it will all be done without any disruption! I hope you get your phone sorted, I hate that kind of thing as well!