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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I hope you have good visits with your Dad and support worker. 
I feel better this morning. Sometimes I feel great in the morning but then I slip downward minute by minute as the day goes on. I felt so good when I woke up because I wasn’t feeling suicidal at all! It was nice, but it lasted only two hours. Now I’m waffling as per usual. One minute I think “suicide? Ewwww no.” Then the next minute it’s, “God, I can’t WAIT to die.”
I am getting tired of the back and forth; it’s like I come above water for a bit, and then I fall back under again. I enjoy the up phases, but the repetition of the cycle is a bit draining.
I am getting tired of the back and forth; it’s like I come above water for a bit, and then I fall back under again. I enjoy the up phases, but the repetition of the cycle is a bit draining.
@Pebble mouse Sending a good thought and hope that the visits are fun, cheering, and give a healthy kick for the depression to leave.
The Lord heard my plea. I have an interview tomorrow for an internship to do training working with addicts. I'm so nervous. The rest of my life depends on this. Oh please let the Lord God be with me so I don't mess this up. Pray for me please. I've been so alone and depressed and this is the chance I was hoping for. I can't mess it up.
I'm really sorry, @FlamingoWrangler . . . for whatever is causing you, such immense pain today.
Devastated,
something is wrong with my truck, and it may be too old to be repaired
I don't have money for repairs, much less to replace it
peace
something is wrong with my truck, and it may be too old to be repaired
I don't have money for repairs, much less to replace it
peace
Feeling extremely apathetic today. Yesterday I had an evening full of thoughts about death. I admire death and fear it. My whole life, ever since I was 6 and my mom retold me the synopsis of some shitty new age 'life after life' book, i've been fascinated with death and possible afterlife. I connected my hopes and dreams to death, hoping they will become real after I am dead. Later - my biggest terrors and phobias. I feared instead of getting what i'd like I would get the opposite. Nowadays I don't want anything from death. Just not being is a paradise enough.
Yesterday the clown-in-chief signed mobilization law. It is official now - starting from 18-th of May men must renew their info (the means to get in contact with them, email, phone number, other stuff) otherwise a hefty fine and other punishments. I have to go there. After that I am not sure what happens. I heard stories of guys renewing their info and getting mobilization notices in a matter of days. Or right in the military commisariat, if they choose to do so there. It is a lottery.
I will not hide - can't afford it. I will go, renew the info and, if drafted, take the matter in my own hands. I will not return as a bed ridden cripple. I will not return as a limbless mess that shits his bed. I will not be a burden or anyone. Mentally - I am ready. Exited. Relieved. Horryfied. All at once.
That aside, it might never happen. I might never get drafted, I might be worrying for no reason. It is possible to. I guess it takes my mind of the usual stuff like being peniless loser with pittance for income. I don't know. Hitting the beer bottle today. 1l of 4,3% Light stuff. Not enough to get drunk but enough to get a slight painkilling buzz.
Yesterday the clown-in-chief signed mobilization law. It is official now - starting from 18-th of May men must renew their info (the means to get in contact with them, email, phone number, other stuff) otherwise a hefty fine and other punishments. I have to go there. After that I am not sure what happens. I heard stories of guys renewing their info and getting mobilization notices in a matter of days. Or right in the military commisariat, if they choose to do so there. It is a lottery.
I will not hide - can't afford it. I will go, renew the info and, if drafted, take the matter in my own hands. I will not return as a bed ridden cripple. I will not return as a limbless mess that shits his bed. I will not be a burden or anyone. Mentally - I am ready. Exited. Relieved. Horryfied. All at once.
That aside, it might never happen. I might never get drafted, I might be worrying for no reason. It is possible to. I guess it takes my mind of the usual stuff like being peniless loser with pittance for income. I don't know. Hitting the beer bottle today. 1l of 4,3% Light stuff. Not enough to get drunk but enough to get a slight painkilling buzz.
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Well, my go-to shop no longer works on vehicles over 20 years old (mine is 1993)
I'm having it towed to a local shop that said they would look at it tomorrow
But also warned me that they may not be able to get parts
The bank was already broken before this, I don't have money for repairs,
But it's ok, somehow things will work out
peace
I'm having it towed to a local shop that said they would look at it tomorrow
But also warned me that they may not be able to get parts
The bank was already broken before this, I don't have money for repairs,
But it's ok, somehow things will work out
peace