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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
- Thread starter UNREGISTERED0000
- Start date
I know for me, logic gets thrown out the window when I'm in a downward spiral. I usually just lay low, listen to music, and pray it passes quickly. I hope you find a way to get through this.
So it is, or they are, intentionally-designed then (almost) for you to fail. Or for it to be very very hard for someone to pass on the first time through. My? I guess they really want to test you. And put you through a number of given sets of stressful conditions. Perhaps to prep for what is ahead? Or that is their way of justifying it then--that we can make sure, that you have mastered the material (in so far as one can in this position) before moving ahead. Consider if it were a little easier; and you'd only studied for it once. Or even twice. Now, you may be much more satisfied with the results. Yes, pass succeed success as opposed to failure. However, if we remove the scores. And just take who you are now & challenge who you were then (after the first or second go-around). Who knows more?
I know it's hard, because it's human nature. But try your best not to draw comparisons with anyone else. Not only from within your own medical program & community. But also from without (such as with the Youtuber who passed from terminal cancer). First off, and for starters--it's hardly "apples to apples." Secondly, you will always see things from a skewed or biased objective, and position. That is not reality based. Your reality, yes, but the perception can also be warped you see. Especially given how hard we are on ourselves, and extra critical. So in this case, sometimes what happens, I've heard when people receive such news. Is that a transformation or change takes place in their overall perspective on life. And this can happen or come about, quite-suddenly. Just as the news did. Which is often flooring. But it can also be 'freeing,' in a way. So that may have been what she was experiencing, or feeling. Was a freedom from previous constraints & pressures on life (that she was now not going to have to deal with - such as - say the future). And so it can be like a weight is lifted, or some tightness in the chest, relieved. Also possible, that she was doing her best to try & live as fulfilling a life as she could, with what little and perhaps unknown time was remaining. Living each moment to the fullest, so to speak. Imagine if you were going to die tomorrow. Forget the terror & the fear. You've reached the stage of acceptance. Now you don't have to worry about all of these exams, and the boards & everything else. You can just go out & play and do whatever you want. Almost with no consequences (to some certain extent). That's a little bit of what I mean. And I say all of this, only to say or make my point, that you are being a little bit too harsh & unfair to, or on yourself. For who among your classmates, just as a for-instance... just based on your reasoning. Shouldn't also be right there in that same boat with you then? In comparison to this person you're so fascinated by. In terms of how her actions and behaviors were, when in such a dire position of life & death as she was. And facing her immediate more or less, mortality & all? Hope you're having a good day. And have a nice cup of tomato soup for me, you hear!
I know it's hard, because it's human nature. But try your best not to draw comparisons with anyone else. Not only from within your own medical program & community. But also from without (such as with the Youtuber who passed from terminal cancer). First off, and for starters--it's hardly "apples to apples." Secondly, you will always see things from a skewed or biased objective, and position. That is not reality based. Your reality, yes, but the perception can also be warped you see. Especially given how hard we are on ourselves, and extra critical. So in this case, sometimes what happens, I've heard when people receive such news. Is that a transformation or change takes place in their overall perspective on life. And this can happen or come about, quite-suddenly. Just as the news did. Which is often flooring. But it can also be 'freeing,' in a way. So that may have been what she was experiencing, or feeling. Was a freedom from previous constraints & pressures on life (that she was now not going to have to deal with - such as - say the future). And so it can be like a weight is lifted, or some tightness in the chest, relieved. Also possible, that she was doing her best to try & live as fulfilling a life as she could, with what little and perhaps unknown time was remaining. Living each moment to the fullest, so to speak. Imagine if you were going to die tomorrow. Forget the terror & the fear. You've reached the stage of acceptance. Now you don't have to worry about all of these exams, and the boards & everything else. You can just go out & play and do whatever you want. Almost with no consequences (to some certain extent). That's a little bit of what I mean. And I say all of this, only to say or make my point, that you are being a little bit too harsh & unfair to, or on yourself. For who among your classmates, just as a for-instance... just based on your reasoning. Shouldn't also be right there in that same boat with you then? In comparison to this person you're so fascinated by. In terms of how her actions and behaviors were, when in such a dire position of life & death as she was. And facing her immediate more or less, mortality & all? Hope you're having a good day. And have a nice cup of tomato soup for me, you hear!
8am - I started working at 7-and already bored with my work today. Most people took the day off to celebrate the upcoming holiday weekend (4th of July) so it’s been slow. But I have used up my vacation time already this year. But I will persevere. Just venting.
Sometimes I think I have already been retired in my mind. I do like my job and the money.
Sometimes I think I have already been retired in my mind. I do like my job and the money.
A mix of things (as usual) :p
Relieved - That I got my sleeping back to "normal" hours
A bit of dread - For the week of hot days we'll be having, starting tomorrow (pretty typical for July, I always dread this month very much though nonetheless)
Excited/Anticipatory - For going to my sis's new place a week from Friday
Anxious/worried - About lots of things, as usual, but one of them is definitely the day I'll be having to spend at my gran's from 15th-16th, just hoping they won't be pressuring me about either "staying longer" or "when I think I'll want to come back for another, longer visit" ugh. Wish so much that they'd just let me approach them about it. They probably know I would be unlikely to ever do that though.
Sending lots of caring, comforting, reassuring and supportive hugs to all who are wanting them, always wishing the best for everyone here and that you will all be feeling good and enjoying your day as much as possible 
Relieved - That I got my sleeping back to "normal" hours
A bit of dread - For the week of hot days we'll be having, starting tomorrow (pretty typical for July, I always dread this month very much though nonetheless)
Excited/Anticipatory - For going to my sis's new place a week from Friday
Anxious/worried - About lots of things, as usual, but one of them is definitely the day I'll be having to spend at my gran's from 15th-16th, just hoping they won't be pressuring me about either "staying longer" or "when I think I'll want to come back for another, longer visit" ugh. Wish so much that they'd just let me approach them about it. They probably know I would be unlikely to ever do that though.
Sending lots of caring, comforting, reassuring and supportive hugs to all who are wanting them, always wishing the best for everyone here and that you will all be feeling good and enjoying your day as much as possible
Not looking forward to next couple weeks. 4th of July is way too noisy. Its dry and idiots still shoot of fireworks. I always stay home and keep the hose ready in case there is a lawn fire. Major heat wave coming. Mid 90's by Sunday. Thats hot for where I live. No air conditioning. Most people in Pacific NW do not have it. Life is just too much of a struggle these days.
Just came home from an inpatient stay. It wasn't fun but it was something I needed. I was starting to feel suicidal because of being alone so much and I was able to interact with some people and feel better. Now I'm just looking for another job to keep myself around others and starting therapy again. I was definitely reminded of some of the privileges I have at home too versus there.
I don't think it's your time to go @Justagirl. I hope that you will reconsider because there are people here that care about you. Would you like to say more about what's been bothering you?