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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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So....I'm usually on the depressed side of ok. Just my normal preset to life I think. Everything takes more effort than it should, I overthink a lot, or get so overfocused on a task that all else becomes meaningless. I delay things I shouldn't...laundry, housework, getting real groceries, bathing...I do have days where I wake up ready to attack the day, but they're rare these days.
I guess I just want to say today has been an okay day tinged with a little happiness.
I guess I just want to say today has been an okay day tinged with a little happiness.
A bit all over the place. I was positive and optimistic most of yesterday, and most of today, but ever since I finished work I've been having massive anxieties about finances. I don't have any problems at the moment, everything is fine. I certainly won't starve or have to go without anything. I can even buy ice cream. I'm a long way off even being near any problems. Nonetheless, my anxiety keeps saying my income is going to dry up and I will lose everything. I hope it's because I'm just a bit tired and hope my optimistic calm comes back. 🤨
I was asked if I was still depressed today. A question I often get followed by a "why". It's so difficult to answer that because I'm not sure how to explain that I may not ever stop being depressed completely. At least that's how it seems because it's been such a long time since it started and nothing seems to make it go away. And I can't even tell them why because I don't see any good reasons for it, myself. It just is and I don't know why.
I don’t have a reason for my depression either. I am happy with my external circumstances. The depression has nothing to do with what’s going on outside, IMHO. So asking why we are depressed carries the false assumption that there should be a reason.
Just my thoughts, but if there is a reason, then it’s usually not depression. It’s sadness or disappointment or grief, etc. Depression is a mood disorder. If we feel bad about a bad situation, that is the understandable response. If we feel worthless and hopeless often, whether things are okay or not, that is a disordered mood, aka depression.
Just my thoughts, but if there is a reason, then it’s usually not depression. It’s sadness or disappointment or grief, etc. Depression is a mood disorder. If we feel bad about a bad situation, that is the understandable response. If we feel worthless and hopeless often, whether things are okay or not, that is a disordered mood, aka depression.
I feel bad. I don’t have a narrative with it. I know it will pass, but I feel like it’s always been this way and always will be. The pain is intense. I’m bearing it for now. It feels like just a little bit less pain than torture. Nonetheless, I’m starting to feel less and less of anything, including the will to live. Potential plans are getting more detailed in my fantasies.
At what point does the end of my pain balance out the grief that I would cause for others? How long can I take this before I lose my ability to even consider the ripple effects?
At what point does the end of my pain balance out the grief that I would cause for others? How long can I take this before I lose my ability to even consider the ripple effects?
Depression is the standard. I get that question too once every blue moon followed by “Why?” It’s as if they had forgotten and are asking for a reminder. Yes. Why? That’s precisely the question that led me to this state of existence. At least we share their perplexity, only for us it sticks.
I’m tempted to respond in kind with “Why not?” but why bother?
I’m tempted to respond in kind with “Why not?” but why bother?
I laughed a little at "why not" because, as you mentioned, I also ask myself "why" sometimes still.
I wonder sometimes, though, do we even know when we feel depressed? Because what if what we feel is a normal part of life and we're just so used to defining ourselves with depression that we've convinced ourselves we're always depressed? Could that also be possible?
I wonder sometimes, though, do we even know when we feel depressed? Because what if what we feel is a normal part of life and we're just so used to defining ourselves with depression that we've convinced ourselves we're always depressed? Could that also be possible?
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I'm not sure I agree with that second part. The characteristics of depression are prolonged sadness and overreaction where others tend to move on after some time, like after a death, for example, if we're talking about depression due to specific circumstances. I think such a thing is also possible, but that hasn't been my personal experience. I started feeling depressed in my teens and I'm 34 now and still feeling it. No doubt my circumstances have changed many times over the years and no matter what they were the depression hasn't changed. But again, I think both are possible.
On the other hand, maybe you're right. IDK. Maybe the criteria for depression are misguided.
On the other hand, maybe you're right. IDK. Maybe the criteria for depression are misguided.
I can relate to some of this. At the same time, if I had financial security and enough money to complete repairs and maintenance on my house, I think I'd feel much better, some of my issues have some solution that is out of reach for me just now and I owe it to myself and others to try. What I can really relate to is that question of when does my suffering reach a tipping point after I have tried everything and nothing's worked. At what point do I say enough is enough? I think if it weren't for the grief my suicide would cause, I would be more comfortable taking matters into my own hands. That it does not feel like an option just adds to the feelings of feeling trapped 😢 I am in an anxiety spiral for the last few days and no idea if this is how it's going to be from now on or if it's a passing phase. I don't think I can cope with much more dread and worry that's related to actual real life issues, but magnified and going down catastrophic paths.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I hope you feel better soon, same for myself.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way and I hope you feel better soon, same for myself.
I also think, that it depends on what kind or type, of depression you have: say; on the more severe or as you say, prolonged side (major) or whatnot. Some people, let's say they're more on the other end, or even in the middle. They can respond favorably and therapeutically to medications and such (psycho therapy). Then they can either function, with or in some cases--after a while--without those devices, or drugs. However, when you come to the more chronic and acute cases.. Such as that you or I have. I believe it is a completely different beast. Or can be, especially as you say, when it doesn't seem to be any logical or practical & tangible explanation for it (I lost such & such out of my life, I got fired, I went to jail)... It could be genetic, it could be some combination therein. And even more so, if you do not respond very well to antidepressants, or other medications. Then it can be an even greater roller coaster ride. Or mixed bag of experiences. When it comes to - successes & failures (one's). Now, are there/or have there ever been in the past; periods where this has (your depression) gone into remission... completely? For me, you see I have. Or it has. But always to return. And with each crushing or devastating & debilitating period or one (episode, let's say). They get harder, and longer, and are more difficult to resolve. What began as months at a time, years & decades ago. Now take s more like years, to be frank~ / So there may be no real good talking point style of answer or reason, that you can give someone. Who asks you that question then. Even to answer for yourself. You just sort of know it, intuitively, and from within the gut. I'd suppose, or at least I do. Again depression is a disease of the mind, or brain. An organ. Structure, and function. Trying to figure out the "why," may be futile. Even if it would satisfy some underlying suspicion, or curiosity or concern, even. Help us to sleep better at night. I don't know. I can barely keep my eyes open, and my brain or mind, on. Have fun trying to analyze or dissect this. Might take a neurosurgeon, of significant skill, and dazzlying wonder & appeal. To psychogenically solve our ills. On e that doesn't (then) exist, in other words* ^~> ;^) this is (also) why people say (other hard scientists/or pure) that psychology is a very 'gray/grey,' science. Anyway, until better & more proven methods come along. And are developed. Such as a blood test to tell us: Hey?!? Guess what, you've got such & such. Congratulations! :-D (this, is waht we're stuck w/I guess). Again, if you're on the more severe end of one of these mentla illnesses. IN my oopinion. . . (^:
Hey everyone, just finished my 2nd day of work. So far everything is alright. I am currently on probation and they're training me (and one other new person) and there's just a lot of information. I think I'll get the hang of it once I'm actually handling a case, because I can't really remember shit and I was too lazy to take notes lol. I need to actually do it. On my first day, of course I was nervous, but the day ended well. The second day, which was today, still nervous, but again, the day ended well. I think I will still feel nervous since this is my first week but I'm trying my best. I feel like I'm losing my English when I'm speaking due to depression but yeah trying my best lol, and I think I just need to do more practice again.
I think the job will make me very busy so I won't have lots of free time to surf the internet but I think there will be some time when I'm finally settled with my job and I'm able to manage things up, and I'll have some free time.
I think the job will make me very busy so I won't have lots of free time to surf the internet but I think there will be some time when I'm finally settled with my job and I'm able to manage things up, and I'll have some free time.
Yeah I kind of thought about that after posting, but I didn’t want it to be too long. I think both are true. The criteria afaik are really based on how long the difficult mood persists.
That being said, I think colloquially people often say that they have depression when really it’s normal sadness or disappointment, over a troubling event.
This is part of the human experience, although advertising for consumer goods has created an expectation that we can and should be happy all the time. One thing a past therapist has said is that it’s not disordered to have a negative reaction to a f-ed up experience.
Again, just my thoughts. I have no credentials to be a therapist but I have been in therapy for years and I have absorbed much of the theories of different modalities.
That being said, I think colloquially people often say that they have depression when really it’s normal sadness or disappointment, over a troubling event.
This is part of the human experience, although advertising for consumer goods has created an expectation that we can and should be happy all the time. One thing a past therapist has said is that it’s not disordered to have a negative reaction to a f-ed up experience.
Again, just my thoughts. I have no credentials to be a therapist but I have been in therapy for years and I have absorbed much of the theories of different modalities.
There has to be another way, right? Or something that we're missing? It's one thing to know something but they never tell us how to start applying it. Maybe that's because they themselves have no experience with mental illness and only education, so the education part of it is all that they share with us. Maybe we need more therapists who have successfully helped themselves with these therapies they teach.
Otherwise it's kind of like teaching playing guitar by someone who doesn't know how to actually play.
Otherwise it's kind of like teaching playing guitar by someone who doesn't know how to actually play.
Just wanted to say I’ve read your guys’ posts here and found them extremely interesting. I have wondered and thought about that exact thing quite often (why if we “know what to do” to feel better are we often unable to “actually do it”) and I do have a bit of a theory about it.
I believe it is due to the thought-feeling connection a bit, like we can know that something is rationally the “right” thing to do, but it is that feeling/emotional level that needs to be able to give us the motivation to “actually do it”. Well the emotional level is much more unpredictable a lot of the time. I have come to have at least a bit of a better understanding of why cbt seems to focus so much on the “thought” part of things. Changing the thoughts, they claim, will in time also help to change those much harder to control “feelings”. It takes incredible time and patience though.
I also think part of the focus with any counselling for mental illness/mood disorders needs to be asking people what they feel might be some things that hold them back from being able to do those positive things they “know” from reading/being told. The therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists need to be trying to understand people on an emotional level, trying harder to help people have a better understanding of their feelings and what may motivate them to choose to do what they do. I think there are lotsa reasons why people may struggle with being motivated to do those positive things they “know”. Sometimes it is a bit of a self-destructive tendency, deep down a part of them feels like they don’t deserve to feel those better kinds of things. Professionals are often trying to keep things “positively focused” which is fine in some ways, but I think there’d be a LOT of value to exploring those darker tendencies too. Maybe they worry by even just letting a person “talk” about them that it would be a “negative” thing to focus on, but not taking that potential tendency seriously will only ultimately leave the patient feeling confused, frustrated and where they sometimes even end up judging themselves for “not being able to do those positive things for themselves”. Helping people not judge themselves so much for whatever they feel would also help immensely I think. If people have experienced trauma in their lives, especially at a very young age (ie as kids or teens) then that can definitely result in a lot of confusion and a more complex mental/emotional landscape. I wonder sometimes if those professionals are even “afraid” themselves to acknowledge just how insidious trauma can be for people. It is a rather scary thing to consider how profoundly affected people can be by trauma. It is a damn hard thing to even put such profoundly deep feelings “into words” but I think if those professionals walked beside the patients on those dark paths then that is what would ultimately help those people feel far more understood, facing that darkness, better understanding it and then hopefully also lessening those “destructive tendencies” that can often cause people to undermine the “rational knowledge” part of it.
Ok well I really hope I’ve expressed all this in a way that makes some kinda sense, just my opinion but ya basically - helping people to have a much better, clearer understanding of their “dark” sides is what will help that dark side not undermine their progress when seeking help/treatment. It can be a scary thing for a person to realize their dark sides, let alone “look at them and try to better understand them” but to truly be able to make those more positive choices about things and use the “knowledge” in the most effective way (ie without the darkness undermining it) then it needs to be faced/acknowledged and as understood as it can possibly be.
I believe it is due to the thought-feeling connection a bit, like we can know that something is rationally the “right” thing to do, but it is that feeling/emotional level that needs to be able to give us the motivation to “actually do it”. Well the emotional level is much more unpredictable a lot of the time. I have come to have at least a bit of a better understanding of why cbt seems to focus so much on the “thought” part of things. Changing the thoughts, they claim, will in time also help to change those much harder to control “feelings”. It takes incredible time and patience though.
I also think part of the focus with any counselling for mental illness/mood disorders needs to be asking people what they feel might be some things that hold them back from being able to do those positive things they “know” from reading/being told. The therapists/psychiatrists/psychologists need to be trying to understand people on an emotional level, trying harder to help people have a better understanding of their feelings and what may motivate them to choose to do what they do. I think there are lotsa reasons why people may struggle with being motivated to do those positive things they “know”. Sometimes it is a bit of a self-destructive tendency, deep down a part of them feels like they don’t deserve to feel those better kinds of things. Professionals are often trying to keep things “positively focused” which is fine in some ways, but I think there’d be a LOT of value to exploring those darker tendencies too. Maybe they worry by even just letting a person “talk” about them that it would be a “negative” thing to focus on, but not taking that potential tendency seriously will only ultimately leave the patient feeling confused, frustrated and where they sometimes even end up judging themselves for “not being able to do those positive things for themselves”. Helping people not judge themselves so much for whatever they feel would also help immensely I think. If people have experienced trauma in their lives, especially at a very young age (ie as kids or teens) then that can definitely result in a lot of confusion and a more complex mental/emotional landscape. I wonder sometimes if those professionals are even “afraid” themselves to acknowledge just how insidious trauma can be for people. It is a rather scary thing to consider how profoundly affected people can be by trauma. It is a damn hard thing to even put such profoundly deep feelings “into words” but I think if those professionals walked beside the patients on those dark paths then that is what would ultimately help those people feel far more understood, facing that darkness, better understanding it and then hopefully also lessening those “destructive tendencies” that can often cause people to undermine the “rational knowledge” part of it.
Ok well I really hope I’ve expressed all this in a way that makes some kinda sense, just my opinion but ya basically - helping people to have a much better, clearer understanding of their “dark” sides is what will help that dark side not undermine their progress when seeking help/treatment. It can be a scary thing for a person to realize their dark sides, let alone “look at them and try to better understand them” but to truly be able to make those more positive choices about things and use the “knowledge” in the most effective way (ie without the darkness undermining it) then it needs to be faced/acknowledged and as understood as it can possibly be.
I once heard an administrator or someone in a position of significant power, at the dept. of psychiatry at UCLA, say in an interview: that she simply couldn't (as in could-not!) understand, how &/or why, it is that some of these patients that they see there and treat. Are not more med-compliant. And I'd thought, then to myself, "Well? Why don't you try taking some of them, some time. And if you feel or experience some of their unpleasant side-effects; that there might be your reason (& there are others, of course...)" But it was state d in such a way, as you might misunderstand a child, and their behavior. Very foolish & passing judgement upon, as if to imply, that had they not done this, all ills or troubles would be solved. This was maybe a dozen years ago. I can't remember if she was the Dean, it's just been too long~*