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How Are You Feeling Right Now?

MisterBGone

MisterBGone

~\_✅`,')
SF Supporter
#108,061
#108,061
PrincessPure said:
Just today that I wokeup having a panic attack for a petty reason, i started wondering what went so wrong in my life that I turned into such an emotional mess.

I was reading my old posts from just 2 year ago and i found one where i was complaining about my mother hitting me in the head when she was mad at me. Istg i didnt even remember that. And that wasnt the first time. It was probably the last time tho, cause i dont live with them anymore.
Both my parents used to hit me when i was as young as kindergarten age, i vividly remember. When i became a teen, my dad stopped but my mom kept going till i was 23 which was the age i moved out 2 years ago. Although it was more occasional compared to when i was a kid, but it was still there.
And im here thinking, was i supposed to turn out fine??? Yes we were fine way more than we were not. Yes they provided for me, they loved me, they paid a lot for me to attend the private school which i did or the beauty procedures. They pretty much never said no to anything i wanted. But anger issues or whatever it is, they occasionally humiliated me like crazy. They hit me and have my head be in pain eversince they we like 4 times my size and had complete control over me. Was i not supposed to be this depressed mess, peel all the skin off my lips out of anxiety and have major self-esteem issues?
Or maybe i should have been over it by now cause im grown up?
Click to expand...
Yes, I think I remember you telling me of this... some time ago --&, "No!" You're right, perfectly right-when you say it like that. That it is wrong (for them to do what they have done). It explains a lot, in terms of how things may have turned out. And: I also think that; should you find yourself in their position one day. That of (being) a parent. Hopefully, you can do better. And set a pristine example; at least in so far as it being free from that kind of / or such abuse. The ramifications must be magnificent, and I hope that one day you are able to work through them professionally--& so that you may begin to process them. And hopefully, in the end if not reverse, at least put a stop to whatever ongoing & lingering damage has been psychologically done. And so on, and so forth.

I am glad that you are out of that environment. And - if for no better reason - than because of that~
Of course, you've got a really great reason otherwise, and all the same... but nonetheless~*
It is probably coming back to you now, and more in the forefront of your mind, maybe & perhaps
given that you have returned to your home soil & (same) environment.
So the surrounding & cues, are everywhere then. The reminders,

So even if you manage to repress all of this, for awhile. There will come a day when that bill comes due. And all of these emotions may become unlocked that have been trapped away, and buried from deep in your subconscious. Or things can start to come out sideways. And you won't even understand it, necessarily? The reasons (as to) why! . . . You'll just know that--"Some Thing," isn't right^

And anyway? Who knows, hopefully I am wrong about all of that. And I know that you've got your mind busy with much other plans that are grand for now. But at some point, if you're able to start to get this addressed (provided that you haven't already begun that journey), then it might not be such a bad idea. In My opinion*~>

(& as always, got to 'consider the source!') ;)

take care, princess~

mrb.
 
Windhover

Windhover

meandering home
SF Supporter
#108,066
#108,066
PrincessPure said:
They pretty much never said no to anything i wanted. But anger issues or whatever it is, they occasionally humiliated me like crazy. They hit me and have my head be in pain eversince they we like 4 times my size and had complete control over me. Was i not supposed to be this depressed mess, peel all the skin off my lips out of anxiety and have major self-esteem issues?
Or maybe i should have been over it by now cause im grown up?
Click to expand...
As much as you can, write in your journal about it, &/or here, because doing so keeps turning over the bad thoughts and deep habits in your mind. I'm older than you but had quite similar parents. It still bothers me from time to time and it has affected many parts of life, but I'm so much stronger now.
I believe this can rule you and get stuck as a theme, or you can make your own way with your own intelligent approach to things.
best
- s
 
1964dodge

1964dodge

Has a monkey as a friend
Safety & Support
SF Supporter
#108,073
#108,073
doing better. overwhelmed but making decent progress. it's going to take a lot out of us. and we made a decision today. after everything is done and we are safely in our new apartment we are going to go away for a few days. nothing expensive maybe a hotel, restaurants, and maybe a few movies at the theatre. by then we will need it and for now something positive to look forward to

mike
 
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