How Are You Feeling Right Now?

[LumberJack]

…
But I'm still envious and I don't know why. I feel like I could've been a better engineer had I had the opportunities these guys have. Sigh.

I wrote something on another thread about Excel having all these snazzy functions built in that I had to build by hand in Excel for Windows 7. I am not suggesting Excel is a dev platform; it’s more like a glorified calculator. However, it is a calculator that gets a lot done.

It seems to be a side effect of technology advancing. I invested a lot of time and effort to learn something that kids these days can get from chatGPT. I think it’s also good to know how code works under the hood. If we all just depend on chat gpt and other LLMs, how would we know when the chatbot gets it wrong?

 

[SillyOldBear]

True that I am blaming myself. When you're married, things aren't always equal between the partners. Spiritually (not religious, but spirit) I'm stronger than him. This isn't a perjorative assessment, it's why it's my fault. He is always focused on, and doom-scrolling on how awful everything is. He says it's logical but it's not, it's sick to be negative all the time.
Like you said he is stuck like that. From what I've seen, being an older Aussie guy he doesn't or can't admit he is frightened of and needs help with what is happening to him. I shouldn't have let him get away with the nastyness, the put-downs, and other abusive acts. I did react very strongly, I mean who wouldn't. My reaction was to abandon him, to break promise I made when we were married. But yeah, he may have my possessions and some nice paintings, just he doesn't have me anymore.

Having never been married I do not have your experience but I do believe partners do not have equal strength. Still, there is only so much the stronger partner can do. I hope you can find a way to cast less blame on yourself and experience less pain. He really does not deserve you.

 

[AvidFan]

Tired. Did a couple of remote meetings today and just switched off after. Been on the sofa almost nodding off, not really feeling up to much. Going to do the shopping as a sort of last positive action for the day as I don't have the energy or motivation for anything else. Well not even that really but I need a few things.

 

[Inastorm]

Tired. Did a couple of remote meetings today and just switched off after. Been on the sofa almost nodding off, not really feeling up to much. Going to do the shopping as a sort of last positive action for the day as I don't have the energy or motivation for anything else. Well not even that really but I need a few things.

Give yourself a break, it's been rough for you the last week or so. You just need to have some cat nap time. I've never asked but do you have cats?, I always just assumed with you profile picture.

 

[AvidFan]

Give yourself a break, it's been rough for you the last week or so. You just need to have some cat nap time. I've never asked but do you have cats?, I always just assumed with you profile picture.

Ha ha, long story - there was a time I adopted a kitten as a favour to someone and it drove me completely round the bend so I had to have it adopted in turn, hence "retired cat staff". I did love the little thing but at a time of extreme financial hardship where I'd almost just lost my house and was trying to hold on to everything, it was not a good time to have something dependent on me. Maybe an old, generally sane cat would have been OK, not this cat that wanted my attention 18 hours a day 🙀

 

[Inastorm]

True that I am blaming myself. When you're married, things aren't always equal between the partners. Spiritually (not religious, but spirit) I'm stronger than him. This isn't a perjorative assessment, it's why it's my fault. He is always focused on, and doom-scrolling on how awful everything is. He says it's logical but it's not, it's sick to be negative all the time.
Like you said he is stuck like that. From what I've seen, being an older Aussie guy he doesn't or can't admit he is frightened of and needs help with what is happening to him. I shouldn't have let him get away with the nastyness, the put-downs, and other abusive acts. I did react very strongly, I mean who wouldn't. My reaction was to abandon him, to break promise I made when we were married. But yeah, he may have my possessions and some nice paintings, just he doesn't have me anymore.

Do you feel there is any chance you might go back? Sorry for asking if it's too much to think about. I am currently second guessing myself and really confused with things for me breaking down. Not that I have any choice, well I suppose I do, I could let go and move on in my head, but I just can't do that. I mean they are not wanting to, so that's what I mean by no choice.

 

[Inastorm]

Ha ha, long story - there was a time I adopted a kitten as a favour to someone and it drove me completely round the bend so I had to have it adopted in turn, hence "retired cat staff". I did love the little thing but at a time of extreme financial hardship where I'd almost just lost my house and was trying to hold on to everything, it was not a good time to have something dependent on me. Maybe an old, generally sane cat would have been OK, not this cat that wanted my attention 18 hours a day 🙀

That's very funny, I thought you were retired from the cats protection ledge or something!

 

[Windhover]

Do you feel there is any chance you might go back? Sorry for asking if it's too much to think about. I am currently second guessing myself and really confused with things for me breaking down. Not that I have any choice, well I suppose I do, I could let go and move on in my head, but I just can't do that. I mean they are not wanting to, so that's what I mean by no choice.

Thanks Inastorm. It is a horrid feeling to second guess oneself, I know it, because of doing it so many times. I do feel there is a chance I would go back. At present, I have to be at peace with where I am in order to hold on to my sanity. He told me he does not want me and I am not allowe to come back. The thing is I know him so well, I can't believe this. But I am deeply fatigued with everything being about him I need to exist too. I feel like you understand pretty well.

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

Lots of self hatred today. I have no friends. I don't know what I do to make people hate me. But I must be pathetic garbage if nobody wants to be in my life. Not even my kids want me around and they were my world for so long....

 

[TragicReality]

Uncomfortable, like crap. It was me who took myself away, after all, and when I scrape away my reasons for that, there's a caustic guilt. I should've been able to figure out how to save the relationship, how to use my kind of humour and my soft strength to change things for the better.

Hugs @seabird I feel like you're blaming yourself too much. But in my way how I did things in a past relationship, I had a guilt feeling too.

Trying to figure out what I did wrong, feeling like it had to be my blame. Come to realize later, the lies etc were from him. I hope you'll get better, I believe you can and will. I admire your strength.

 

[TragicReality]

Lots of self hatred today. I have no friends. I don't know what I do to make people hate me. But I must be pathetic garbage if nobody wants to be in my life. Not even my kids want me around and they were my world for so long....

I'm sorry you feel this way @DowntheRabbitHole . It's an awful feeling. You are NOT a pathetic piece of garbage.

My kids (adults now) will stop talking to me for a long time. I don't know how old your kids are, but there comes a time when they really want their privacy and space.

I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong.
I know how much it hurts to have no friends. How it hurts that my kids don't want to ask me how i'm doing and ignore or block me.

I hope you can find a way to make some friends.... and that you feel some peace when you read this.
. Virtual hugs if you want them.

 

[DowntheRabbitHole]

I'm sorry you feel this way @DowntheRabbitHole . It's an awful feeling. You are NOT a pathetic piece of garbage.

My kids (adults now) will stop talking to me for a long time. I don't know how old your kids are, but there comes a time when they really want their privacy and space.

I'm not saying you are doing anything wrong.
I know how much it hurts to have no friends. How it hurts that my kids don't want to ask me how i'm doing and ignore or block me.

I hope you can find a way to make some friends.... and that you feel some peace when you read this.
. Virtual hugs if you want them.

Thank you. And yes, I take hugs

 

[AmberMarie]

Self loathing and disgust has been quite overpowering for me lately.... more than usual. Isolation as well. i am tired of trying to continue on right now.

 

[LumberJack]

Self loathing and disgust has been quite overpowering for me lately.... more than usual. Isolation as well. i am tired of trying to continue on right now.

I’m sorry. I feel pretty bad, too.

 

[LumberJack]

Sometimes I feel so bad about my insides that I start to feel like I must be getting punishment for something so terrible that I can’t remember what it was.

Not right now, but this morning I was reasonably certain that the third circle of hell would be a step up.

 

[Windhover]

hugs if they are wanted @AmberMarie



Keep us posted.

 

[Gard]

I always feel 1-2 points better after a cup of strong morning coffee.

 

[HappyKitty]

Inviting my colleague Siva to skincare well he is getting married🤣

 

[TragicReality]

Thank you. And yes, I take hugs

hug* :*)

 

[puffymilk]

I'm feeling a bit down, but at least there's some good content to look forward to