Is this someone to help you out? From my experience of reading your posts you dont sound snobby at all. It's understandable to get to feel unsettled if someone is coming in to your house like this. Just remember I'm sure the cleaning lady is used to tidying things up, so has probably seen a lot of messes, she would be out of a job if she didnt. Good luck.
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How Are You Feeling Right Now?
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Im starting to develop this 'thing' at night, that i dont want to go to sleep at night because i dont want to go through all the same longing and intrusive thoughts im experiencing in the day, the following day once i wake up. Does any one else feel like this? Its like ive just made it through one day and i realise ive got another day of it to look forward to tomorrow.
yes. This was a huge problem for me with my PTSD when I first moved out on my own. I had nightmares nearly every night, I mean like 28 nights out of 30. The nightmares were replays of the violent attacks I witnessed or was on the receiving end of, and it got to the point where I was unable to fall asleep because of the pain that the nightmares caused. This led to some really problematic behaviors coming out, but since I could see I was not relating in the adult world very well, I went to a therapist. I also descended into alcohol and friends dependence and I have shared a lot about that, but this was the start of my problems with substance use.
I did not see an ask for advice there, so I won't speculate on what might help you. This is just what happened with me.
I did not see an ask for advice there, so I won't speculate on what might help you. This is just what happened with me.
my current emotional state is dismay. I had a lot to get done today and I barely even finished my morning routine. It's 17:30 or 5:30 PM and I haven't even finished my first cup of coffee (usually I have 3). Haven't really eaten much but I'm about to address that problem before I get any worse. Also I have prosciutto.
Thanks for sharing @LumberJack i appreciate that.
When I'm in bed to go to sleep, my thoughts sometimes spiral about my problems or past. I used to look at sleep as a way to escape the pain. However now, I've been having nightmares and that's not good. But yes, I used to dread the next day and even the seasons of Spring and summer because everything was supposed to be new and active and all I could do was be in my bed. I do hope the situation improves for you Inastorm.
I changed it. From having troubled thoughts at bedtime, to having a bad time of it around 2 in the afternoon. I have to have my sleep and I'd literally lose it, go off the rails if my sleep was messed up. Inastorm how is your bedroom? lol I don't mean you should answer that here, but for yourself. Do you have a super comfortable set up for your night time? If not, can you intentionally change it around to reflect the idea that it's your safe place, physically and emotionally. What I'm saying here that might or might not work for you is change your mind's time to be at its most distressed, and if you can in a symbolic way change soething in your room to represent that. I hope this doesn't come across as wooey wooey.
@seabird
Lol - no it doesn't come across wooey wooey. Thanks for the suggestion.
As I've not long been in the house, my bedroom is comfortable but needs work and decoration.
I think the issue I'm experiencing isn't falling a sleep, as I am tried. It's just that I'm feeling like 'do I have to go through all this again tomorrow' from a mental point of view. Knowing that once I've fallen asleep, i'm starting that cycle again of dreaming about her, waking up feeling crap and longing for them, driving to work feeling lonely and the cycle continues.
I'm going to talk to the doctor about this next week.
I phoned the crisis line earlier, where I was on the phone for an hour, feel a little more stable, but not happy with anything. I was hitting an 8/9, im more like 5/6, just feel really sad.
It was embarrassing on the phone to the crisis line, as he said at the beginning that he cared what happened to me, just hearing that out loud was too much and I started crying. I dont hear those words often. Most in person people (not forum people who are really nice) don't normally say things like this to me.
How's you today?
Lol - no it doesn't come across wooey wooey. Thanks for the suggestion.
As I've not long been in the house, my bedroom is comfortable but needs work and decoration.
I think the issue I'm experiencing isn't falling a sleep, as I am tried. It's just that I'm feeling like 'do I have to go through all this again tomorrow' from a mental point of view. Knowing that once I've fallen asleep, i'm starting that cycle again of dreaming about her, waking up feeling crap and longing for them, driving to work feeling lonely and the cycle continues.
I'm going to talk to the doctor about this next week.
I phoned the crisis line earlier, where I was on the phone for an hour, feel a little more stable, but not happy with anything. I was hitting an 8/9, im more like 5/6, just feel really sad.
It was embarrassing on the phone to the crisis line, as he said at the beginning that he cared what happened to me, just hearing that out loud was too much and I started crying. I dont hear those words often. Most in person people (not forum people who are really nice) don't normally say things like this to me.
How's you today?
Woke up at 4am with this terrible feeling like something was stuck in my throat, especially when I would swallow saliva. I woke up a couple of times during the night and took a nicotine lozenge, and accidentally fell asleep with it in my mouth, but when I woke up, it was still there. It's possible I may have swallowed one and it got stuck, but I'm starting to think it's something else (like I said, it was still in my mouth when I awoke). My left lymph node in my neck feels sort of swollen and hurts a little. And after drinking many liquids and eating to try to get whatever was stuck to dislodge (if it was, indeed, a nicotine lozenge), I still feel something like a lump in my throat when I swallow. It's been 10 hours since this first started, and I don't know what it could be. I'm pretty anxious because of this, to be honest, because who knows what it could be or if it gets any worse, God forbid. Though it does feel a bit better than it did this morning, I guess, but it's still there. I even went to the ER, but they weren't helpful. They said if it's a lozenge, it will feel better with some time. Also scheduled an appointment with my PCP, but that's not until the 29th.
@Inastorm
Sorry it got so bad for you. it sounds as though the person on the crisis line had a fine spirit behind a kind voice. I feel it's great you called them when you did. Do you feel tired from the call?
Forgive my bluntness: you don't deserve to be paying such a toxic emotional toll for her the rest of your life.
There is a path out of it. I know for me when I remind myself of this one part says yeah-but, the other part is eager to be allowed to exist again.
Glad about some work I'm doing, so the morning went surprisingly well.
Sorry it got so bad for you. it sounds as though the person on the crisis line had a fine spirit behind a kind voice. I feel it's great you called them when you did. Do you feel tired from the call?
Forgive my bluntness: you don't deserve to be paying such a toxic emotional toll for her the rest of your life.
There is a path out of it. I know for me when I remind myself of this one part says yeah-but, the other part is eager to be allowed to exist again.
Glad about some work I'm doing, so the morning went surprisingly well.